Chapter 26
Josephine
Logistically, I understood what was involved when I agreed to accompany Locke to his infusion today.
I just didn’t give myself time to think about how it would feel to walk in the back door of Lake Chapel Radiance beside a man who played a part in flipping my world upside down the last time I was here.
I didn’t leave my place of employment on good terms.
I didn’t have a choice, thanks to Decker and his insistence that I stick by one of the guys at all times.
So I quit my job via email, giving no notice. I didn’t even return the uniform.
My feet stop of their own volition as we reach the door.
Nicky’s got one hand in mine, the other outstretched to turn the handle.
At my resistance, he glances over his shoulder, his brow furrowed in confusion.
Willing the nerves that have suddenly flared up inside me to abate, I meet his gaze.
He scans my face, and his expression softens. I don’t have to say a word for him to register my trepidation. “You’re okay. Only a couple of staff members are here on Sundays, and we won’t see anyone besides Dr. Kline anyway. That’s part of the arrangement.”
He removes his hand from my hold and slides his arm around my shoulders. Pulling me close, he drops a kiss to my hair. “That’s why Kendrick reacted the way he did when you followed us out that day,” he explains.
I blow out a breath and stand a little straighter. “And here I thought he reacted that way because he’s a big grump who doesn’t know how to process his feelings.”
Nicky snorts. “That, too. Come on, Hot Girl. Let’s get this over with so I can take you home.”
Nicky’s words proved to be true. We didn’t see or interact with another human until Dr. Kline greeted us, ushered us into the biggest treatment room, and shut the door.
Locke introduced me as his girlfriend. It would have been cute if Dr. Kline hadn’t shaken my hand enthusiastically and acted like we’d never met before. Although I can’t really blame him for not remembering the girl who worked all of three shifts before disappearing.
Now I’m sitting by Nicky’s side in the wide lounge chair, tracing the ink on his knuckles as he lies beside me with his eyes closed.
“Is the treatment the same every time?” I ask, eyeing the bags hanging on the drip above him.
Eyes still closed, he clasps my hand. He’s been doing that more lately—wrapping my hand up with his instead of interlacing our fingers.
He’s been in near-constant pain for these last few weeks, and it only escalated after the altercation. I feel so helpless, not being able to soothe the aches.
“I’ve got a whole laundry list of treatments on rotation. Today’s cocktail is specifically designed to help with the swelling in my joints. The hope is that it’ll help me feel better faster in the mornings. We’ll see.” He sighs, as if he’s already prepared to be disappointed by the results.
“Is it always this bad during the season?”
He opens his eyes and focuses on me for a long moment. Finally, he clears his throat and squeezes my hand. “No. It’s never been like this before.”
As gently as I can, I wrap one arm around his midsection, desperate to comfort him. He doesn’t flinch or readjust, so once I’m sure I’m not hurting him, I nestle into the crook of his arm.
“That sucks,” I acknowledge. No amount of saying I’m sorry or encouraging him to look on the bright side will change the physical pain and the reality of his situation.
He pulls in a deep breath, his chest rising and falling beneath my arm before he swallows audibly and speaks again. “Can I tell you something?”
“Anything.”
He sighs, readjusting his arm under my head. “I keep thinking it might be time to call it quits. I’ve always justified the pain that comes along with football. Relished it, even. But lately, I can’t help but question if it’s all worth it.”
Holding my breath, I listen without judgment.
“Cap and Kendrick will enter the draft. They’re destined for the pros.
For a long time, I’ve known that football isn’t my future.
Lately, I’ve been caught up in wondering if powering through the way I have been will do more harm to my body long term.
To what end? Just to say I finished out the season? ”
“What do you want after college?” I ask, tracing my fingertips along the veins of his forearm.
Head lolling to the side, he bites his lip and gives me a thorough once-over.
“What else?” I laugh, because he’s made that particular want clear.
“A life with you. With the guys. A home we can all share. A job I don’t hate.”
It’s such a simple list. Unremarkable to some, but more than enough for my Emo Boy.
“Anything else?” I push.
He closes his eyes and smiles.
“I want to have good days. I know they won’t all be pain free, but I want them to be easier than this.” He sighs, peering up at the IV drip. “I want to play on the floor with my kids. To coach their sports teams. Rake leaf piles for them to jump in. Take them swimming.”
“You want kids?” I squeak out, my heart lodged in my throat. He’s already made it clear his vision for the future involves me. And yet I still have to ask. “With me?”
“I mean… you’re my first choice,” he teases. He rests his arm over mine along his torso and hits me with a serious expression. “Of course I want kids with you.”
Surely, any second now, my brain will go haywire. How could it not?
I’m twenty-one. I haven’t even finished my first semester of college. We’ve only been dating for a few months, and our relationship is less than conventional.
Instead of being hit with the urge to bolt from this man’s arms at that declaration, I’m flooded with visions of mini Nickys.
Babies with warm hazel eyes, or maybe blue eyes, like mine.
They’d have dark hair and sweet smiles, toothy grins that light up their little faces, and sweet, tinkling laughs.
“Nicky,” I sniff, my bottom lip quivering.
“Too much?” he guesses, squeezing my arm.
“Not at all,” I whisper. “I just hadn’t thought about any of that before. About you and me, the guys… babies. All that our future could entail.” I bow my head and kiss his shoulder. “I want kids with you, too. In like, ten or twenty years.”
He snorts. “The timeline’s negotiable. I want us all to get what we want out of this life. I can be patient.”
He brings his free arm over so he can pull me closer. His hold is a comfort and a promise of everything we’re going to be. Now isn’t easy, but our future is so damn bright.
We lie together, lost in thought, cuddling and connecting without speaking. We readjust every few minutes so Nicky can stay comfortable, but I’m happy to do it. Even if we’re here because of not so great circumstances, I savor the time alone with him.
“What do you think about the football thing?” he eventually asks.
I shake my head. “That has to be your call, Emo Boy. I don’t want to persuade you one way or the other, but I’ll support you through whatever you choose.”
His serene smile fills me with so much joy—a calm peacefulness that feels like hope.
“I love you,” he says.
Three simple words that wrap me up in a warm embrace. Words that serve as a promise that now is not forever, that better days are ahead.