Brambles and Bellflowers (The Garden of Eternal Flowers #4)

Chapter 1

“He’s been gone almost a week,” I mumbled, picking at a loose thread on my sleeve. The words hung in the air of the nearly empty office, making the knot in my stomach tighten even more.

God, I sound pathetic. It shouldn’t hurt this much, right? Miles and I barely knew each other, if you wanted to be logical. It’d only been a few weeks since I met my quintet.

But still, saying it out loud made it feel… real.

I’d never been good at sitting still. Even when my adoptive mom had me on lockdown—school and Finn’s being my only escape—I always found ways to keep busy. Gardening, gaming, burying my nose in books… anything to stop my mind from spinning out of control.

But now? Damen’s greenhouse was a total disaster zone, and I couldn’t even care enough to fix it. That was how I knew that something was seriously wrong.

Why did Miles’s absence leave such a weird, achy feeling in my chest?

“Do you think I hurt his feelings?” I asked Dr. Kohler, frowning at the beige carpet. Who thought beige was a good color scheme for a hospital? What about all the blood? I pushed the tips of my shoes into the plush fibers.

Okay, so it was a fancy carpet. Maybe it had some resilience in everyday use. Still a waste of… wait, did taxpayers fund hospitals? Or was it the insurance company’s responsibility?

“Bianca, Julian is almost finished with his shift,” Dr. Kohler said, interrupting my tangent. “If you want a therapy session, schedule an appointment with Do Yun. I believe he has availability today.”

I ignored her suggestion. “Should I have been nicer to him?”

Plus, how could she try to pawn me off to Dr. Nam? Here I was, opening up, mostly because I was bored, and Titus had abandoned me here while he took up some critical shifter business.

But the least she could do was listen. We were supposed to have an understanding.

Besides, I wasn’t sure why everyone acted like I needed a babysitter. It’d been days since I’d woken up from my tower adventure, and I was perfectly fine now.

So why did it seem like everyone was keeping me under constant surveillance?

Dr. Kohler sighed, laying her pen back on the desk. “Are you talking about Miles?”

“Yes…” I twisted a curl around my finger. I usually tried to tame my waist-length hair with a ribbon, a barrette, or a simple braid. But this morning, I hadn’t been driven to do more than brush it.

And it must have looked terrible because Titus couldn’t stop staring at me all morning or throughout our lunch.

“Do you think I did something wrong?” I asked. The guilt I’d been suppressing washed over me. “Do you think that’s why he left?”

She didn’t respond at first—instead, she just watched me in uncomfortable silence. Her full lips were pursed, and she touched her red-framed glasses, pushing them high until they rested among the thick curls haloing her head.

She seemed torn, her brows furrowing, before she finally seemed to come to a decision. “What are you talking about?” she asked, tilting her head and linking her fingers over the manilla folder she had been working on while I’d waited. “What would you have done?”

“Well…” I tapped my fingers together, cringing. “I don’t know, really. Maybe he’s jealous that Julian and I bonded?”

Dr. Kohler’s eyebrow raised. “ If that is the case, which I doubt, then Miles’s emotions are still his to work through. They are not your problem. You shouldn’t feel guilty.”

But still, he had looked sad. “But—”

“Besides,” she continued, “you’re reading too much into it. I know Miles. He isn’t going to run away over hurt feelings. He adores you and is not that selfless, though he pretends to be. You have to realize that this is what he does.”

My breath hitched in anticipation as some of the tightness in my chest alleviated. It wasn’t my fault? “What do you mean?”

“Miles is an extreme introvert,” she explained. “He also doesn’t like to burden other people with his business. He’ll internalize everything until he can’t anymore. At that point, it’s not unheard of for Tu to seek solace to sort out his thoughts and priorities. He needs to escape to recharge.”

Tu ? I was talking about Miles .

As my dumbfounded silence continued, she tilted her head sympathetically. “Didn’t Miles tell you he has an apartment?”

I blinked at her, still not understanding how this was related. But I’d play along. “Yes. But he said it was so that he could be closer to campus. For studying.”

“That’s true.” She nodded, tapping her nails on the top of the desk.

“But he’s not telling you the whole truth either.

Normally, the Xing reside full-time together.

Huo’s job is to take care of the rest of his quintet.

Miles can only reside elsewhere since it’s already been established as part of your history. ”

I felt myself frown. “But Titus had his mansion.”

“He collects properties and visits them,” Dr. Kohler said with a shrug. “He did not live there. On the other hand, Miles normally does not live with the rest of you even though he has a room at Damen’s house. I believe he’s only done so recently because of your presence.”

“Oh.” I bit my lip. “H-how do you know all this?”

“Anyone who might potentially be an Officer is required to learn the history of the Xing,” she said. “Outside of that, there are even nursery rhymes told to children that use examples of your lives to teach moral lessons.”

Moral lessons—from me ? I wasn’t sure what children would be expected to learn from my example, except maybe tidbits on honor, integrity, honesty, and humility.

I wonder what these stories were. It would be fascinating to learn.

“In any case, from a historical account, Tu has always lived separately,” she continued. “He meditates alone and likes being free to do his work.”

“I don’t care if it’s something well-known. It doesn’t make it right.” I crossed my arms and glared at the desk. “He shouldn’t have left without talking to me first. That ‘good-bye’ doesn’t count.”

“Knowing him, he probably thinks he gave enough of an explanation. Plus, he’s never even bothered to leave a note before. You should feel honored.”

Honored, bah.

That was the furthest thing from how I felt right now.

Betrayed? That was more like it.

“You’re in a period of reflection right now,” Dr. Kohler said. “With Miles gone and things slowing down, you could take this time to learn more about him—and you. There are things you can do to keep busy.”

Maybe… Miles’s room had been terribly messy. And wouldn’t he be so happy to have a lovely, clean space to return to?

I wondered where his apartment was.

“Do you realize you’ve spoken to me more these past five minutes and given me greater insight into your thoughts and feelings than any other time in all the years I’ve known you?” she asked.

The strange nature of the question pulled my attention back to her. “But… we’re just talking.”

What else did she expect? That I’d sit quietly like a fool?

“Usually, you sit quietly in all our sessions.” She tapped her chin, her expression thoughtful. “And we’ve done play therapy before since you refused to be alone with anyone else. But you’d never participate with even that.”

But watching her play with finger puppets and put on a show had been super exciting—especially when she did voices. Why would I interrupt that?

“I never understood where I went wrong. Your speech therapist did play therapy, and you engaged.” She nodded her head. “In her notes, she said she set up dollhouses, and you’d open up—”

“No.” I shivered at the memory. Those unfortunate children who might have appointments after mine would have suffered greatly without my involvement. “Ms. Sanchez was ruining the dollhouse! I had no choice but to intervene!”

“She was ruining it?” Dr. Kohler asked.

I nodded, clutching my fists to my chest. The horror remained with me to this day. “She would put the furniture in all wrong! Places that didn’t make any sense at all. It was terrible.”

Dr. Kohler seemed to be working out a puzzle in her head.

“So”—she mused after a moment—“you respond to agitation. It makes sense. They say Mu was always a bit obsessive-compulsive. My mistake. I was trying to avoid annoying you. Most trauma patients shut down when pushed, but pressure appears to make you come alive.”

That was the dumbest thing I’d ever heard. I was always alive. Besides, Dr. Kohler had annoyed me plenty of times, so I had no idea what she was talking about. I just chose to ignore such infractions.

And what was she talking about— trauma ? That was a bit of a stretch. My pulse raced.

I opened my mouth to respond, to tell her that I was ‘perfectly normal now, thank you very much,’ when the office door opened and Julian strode into the room.

He was grumbling something indecipherable as he pulled at the neck of his navy scrubs.

The dark shadow over his face faded once he spotted me.

“I didn’t think you’d be here so soon.” He smiled, blue eyes shimmering, and warmth swelled through my chest. My heart warmed as his genuine joy at seeing me reached through our bond.

And that was very nice, but I had unfinished business.

“Your mom said I was traumatic,” I tattled, pointing at Dr. Kohler, who had the indecency to not even look ashamed. Julian would set the record straight. She might be his mother, but he outranked her. “Tell her she’s wrong.”

His grin faltered, and he glanced at the doctor. “What’s going on?” he asked, totally not defending my honor.

Dr. Kohler shrugged, pulling the folder she’d put aside earlier back in front of her. “That’s not exactly what I said.”

Julian sighed, exasperation radiating from him as he rubbed his forehead. “ Please . I don’t know what you’re planning, but leave Bianca out of it.”

“Of course, son ,” Dr. Kohler replied, shuffling through her papers. “I’ll take your advice into consideration.”

“That means you don’t plan on listening to me at all,” Julian muttered. He helped me to my feet. “Come along, darling. We’re going somewhere where people respect authority.”