Chapter 9 #3
For a moment, I didn’t realize I’d said anything wrong.
But then Damen’s demeanor had entirely changed, and his nervous air lifted as he turned into a figure of confident authority. “What scars do you have?” he asked. He dropped the wood and touched my shoulder.
I was used to their touches by now—their subtle affections that’d grown increasingly bold after our quintet connection had been revealed.
But at this moment, I wasn’t ready.
I stepped back and touched my fingertips to the back of my ear. “I—I didn’t mean it.”
“You didn’t mean what?” Damen was frowning at me as he dropped his hand back to his side. “Bianca, you’re not in trouble.”
Julian and Titus were blatantly watching us again. Julian’s tight form radiated animosity, while there seemed to be unsettled violence lingering in the air surrounding Titus.
“Um….” I looked to the woods.
“Is this what Finn was talking about?” Damen asked. “When Daniel Cole had you, he mentioned that you have a scar on your leg.”
I stepped back. “It’s fine,” I told him. “I—I don’t even know how he knew about that anyway.”
“That’s not the point,” Damen replied, his voice firm. “Did someone hurt you?”
I blinked at him. What a stupid question.
“Leave it alone,” Julian cut in. “Why are you choosing now to say something?”
“Oh, shut up.” Damen’s gray eyes blazed as he looked at the other man. “It’s not like you don’t want to know too.” He turned back to me. “I need to know where these scars came from. Was it someone else?” he asked, his attention dropping to my knees. “Or did you do it yourself?”
“N-no!” My pulse raced, darkness seeping into the edges of my vision. “It was an accident.”
“Fine.” Damen let out a long breath, some of the intensity leaving his expression. “I guess I can live with that.”
“I know you can.” I ducked under his arm, escaping his suffocating presence. There was a space between Titus and Julian—both of whom wore slightly more compassionate expressions—and I moved to them and curled against Titus’s arm.
“But you should know you have no reason to be ashamed.” Damen had followed me, and I felt myself stiffen. “Not many people could survive what you did without a few marks to show for it.”
“Damen!” Julian jumped to his feet.
“This is not the time.” Titus glowered at Damen.
I pressed my face into Titus’s rough flannel shirt as he stood and tried to let the comforting smell of frankincense and cinnamon calm me.
“It’s the perfect time,” Damen argued. “She’s been avoiding this for weeks, and we’re currently in her element. There is no better time than this.”
“That is not how recovery works!” Julian exclaimed.
“She doesn’t need you to come swooping in between us!” Damen sounded utterly exasperated. “Mu would never have hid—”
“Will you stop comparing me to him?” I released Titus’s shirt. “I might be Mu, but I’m still me !”
“You can’t separate the two.” Damen crossed his arms. “Mu is the core personality of who you are. Whether you accept it or not, you’re the same person .”
“And you’re an ass !” I was quivering with fury, and my vision tunneled on the man in front of me. Was this a part of him trying to fight me? Because I totally would.
“I’m trying to help you.” Damen stepped closer, his voice rising with frustration. “Why won’t you just let me?”
“What—” My heart raced, anger surging through me. If I thought about my words for even a moment, I’d hate myself for them. But thinking wasn’t an option right now. “What do you get out of it?”
His brow furrowed, his frustration giving way to confusion. “What?”
I stepped back as my body grew tense. “What do you want?”
“I’ve told you before—I don’t want anything,” Damen replied, tone softening. “But I’m in charge of the quintet. Your welfare is my responsibility. That’s what I’m supposed to do.”
My welfare. My responsibility.
Just like Finn.
“Is that why you’re upset?” he asked. “My role?”
“No, it’s not!” I snapped, the words tumbling out before I could stop them. “I don’t care that you’re in charge!”
“Then what is it?” His voice cracked, exasperation bleeding through his carefully controlled demeanor. “You keep ignoring me, pushing me away. You’ve almost died because you won’t listen!”
“Because you never ask me first!” I met his step with one of my own, my chest tightening with every word.
“You just make decisions without even talking to me. I’d listen if you’d include me in the conversation!
Instead, you talk about me like I’m not even there.
Sometimes it’s funny, especially when you monologue—”
“I don’t monologue!”
“You definitely monologue.” I pushed my finger into his chest. “This is why you’re not trusted with any sensitive information.”
“What?”
I touched my lips—I wasn’t even sure what I was saying anymore, but the words flowed from me now. “And I don’t even mind your flirting—”
Damen’s frown deepened. “We’ve already established that.”
“—even though it’s incredibly cheesy.”
“ Cheesy ?”
“But you need to stop forcing me to act in ways you want.” I sucked in a breath. The cold air barely cut through the burning inferno in my chest. “I’m not ready yet. I waited for you all this time; now you can suck it up and wait for me.”
Damen blinked. The righteous anger fell from his expression as he furrowed his brows. “What in the world are you talking about?”
My fury vanished instantly, and a hollow sensation buzzed through me. The force of our argument still echoed in my thoughts. This time, I knew I’d gone too far.
“I’m going to lie down.” My lips were numb. The world drained of color, and my vision blurred at the edges. I turned from him, barely aware of Titus and Julian watching the two of us with wide eyes.
I just needed a moment to compose myself, as I had no idea what had just happened.
“Wait.” Damen’s hand closed around my upper arm. His voice was softer now, uncertain. “What do you mean?”
I glanced back at him, a lock of my hair falling over my face in the movement, but I didn’t even have the energy to push the thick curls away. I pulled his fingers off my arm, unable to see past the clouds. “I don’t know.”
His grip slackened, and I stumbled forward, barely making it into the tent and zipping it up behind me before wetness trailed down my cheeks.
There was a faint murmuring from outside the tent. I huddled in the corner, face pressed to my knees, waiting to see who would be the first to intrude.
But, as the moments passed, the noises died down, I was still alone.