Chapter 21 #2
“Goldenrod?” I asked, looking at the bundle of yellow flowers in Bianca’s arms. Her expression was carefully blank, which concerned me. She was usually so easy to read, which was partially why she was so terrifying. The way her features would twist and eyes gleam was something out of a nightmare.
But right now, it was impossible to make sense of her emotions.
As she walked toward my hastily put-together burial site, her attention was focused on the bouquet.
There was something discombobulated about her, and her otherworldly mannerism made it seem like she’d disappear with the slightest breeze.
As she drew near, the thick, grim air made my senses snap to full alert.
I was close to losing her. It was almost the same as before.
When I’d returned from Kathleen’s mission, Bianca had been huddled, dangerously still, in a corner. And I’d been worried —just for an instant—that she’d disconnected herself from the world again.
“I think it’s the only thing that fits,” Bianca answered, reaching the outside of the lights. The slight, steady tone of her voice chased away the shadows. “Do you think she’d like it?”
I studied the flowers, the meaning sinking in as my fears faded. Now, her selection seemed more than fitting.
Grief.
A sense of peace swelled in my chest, and I smiled and reached for her. I might not remember as well as the others, but this familiarity was impossible to deny. No matter what lifetime, she never failed to amaze me.
“I think it’s perfect,” I answered, taking the flowers from her. “You’ve always been the best at understanding others.”
Bianca’s mouth snapped closed, and even though she was already distancing herself, I still could hear the sharp intake of her breath.
At that moment, she looked so fragile that the need to step out of the circle—a space I’d already prepared and could not easily be broken—and reach for her was almost suffocating. However, Bianca had already sidestepped the conversation before the urge had more than a chance to pass through me.
“She has a ring around her neck,” Bianca said. “She told me to give it to Dr. Stephens.”
I glanced toward Kathleen, feeling disconnected as I knelt beside her small, prone form.
I hadn’t seen the woman since childhood, but I remembered our conversations and her baked cookies.
She’d always been brewing something and was something of a lecturer.
To see her now, so still and quiet, was jarring.
I searched until I found the chain and removed it from Kathleen’s neck.
“Here,” I said, hoping she didn’t notice my shaking voice. I moved to the circle’s edge and held my arm above the flames as I dropped the jewelry into her outstretched hands. “Are you sure you’re okay?” I asked—that was all that mattered.
“It’s fine,” was her only reply as she remained unable to hold my gaze.
It’d been long since apparent that her definition of ‘fine’ differed from most people.
But before I could ask, she moved three steps backward, sat on her knees, and linked her fingers in her lap.
“I’m ready,” she declared, bracing her shoulders.
I blinked at her. Her bluntness never failed to catch me off guard.
“Okay…” I said, pulling the hood over my face. Damen had mentioned that she’d been able to read our lips and wouldn’t be able to like this, but I couldn’t be disrespectful to Kathleen either.
Besides, it was a bit embarrassing. My cheeks flushed as I welcomed the darkness and limited sight.
I could pretend I was alone this way. I’d never done this before—not in this life—and having her keen gaze made me forget my thoughts.
And the words.
Goddamn it, I hated Latin. Why the hell had we recorded this ritual in Latin?
I probably could have used any other language, but knowing Kathleen, she’d want me to follow tradition.
My worries faded as the words began to flow—and a long, out-of-reach humming sensation buzzed through my skin.
My fingertips pulsed as every cell was electrified, yet it wasn’t enough. Of course, there was enough power—I could feel it lingering out of reach. However, unlike the others and their true selves—which now included Bianca—I remained unable to connect with Tu.
It wasn’t fair. What did I lack that the others had?
I only knew glimpses into a past and a kindred personality just out of the edges of my awareness. When I dreamed at night, I chased after those shadows, hoping that that missing piece would finally fall into place.
It felt surreal to bury Kathleen, knowing that after this, I’d have to meet with Jonathon. But as the closing ritual concluded and the last of the five candles flickered into darkness, a sense of otherworldly peace had come over the area.
At this moment, I was closer than ever before. Moving was mindless, easy, and habitual.
My thoughts were hazy, yet somehow I knew.
I’d buried countless wanderers and villagers with these same actions—these words.
The homestead faded, as did my audience.
It was over before I realized what had happened, and I stood before a short mound of freshly packed dirt.
The only light was the lantern Bianca held beside her as she remained sitting, cross-legged on the ground, and the full moon high in the sky over the treetops.
“Is that the end?” she asked, her voice carrying between us on the cold breeze.
“Yeah…” I mumbled, but there was no way she could hear me.
“Yeah,” I repeated, clearing my throat as I pushed the hood back from my face. My fingers brushed against the gash, and I flinched. I was no stranger to pain, but facial wounds were a bitch.
However, they did say women liked men with discerning scars, so this ordeal could work out in my favor.
But did I want to hold Bianca’s attention with pity? What else did I have to set me apart from the others and their stupid trio club?
“Are you okay?” she asked. She was suddenly in front of me, pressing her hand over mine.
“What?” I asked. My attention was now where our skin touched. My heart leaped into my throat as her blue-green eyes bore into me.
“I still think you’re attractive,” she continued.
“Thanks…” I replied, swallowing.
Yes, I would stoop this low to keep her attention. Sometimes, I hated myself.
“We should get ready to leave,” I told her, stepping back. I ignored the flash of hesitance in her gaze and tried not to feel guilty when she dropped her hand back to her side. “Are you okay to travel?”
“Yes,” she whispered. She shuffled slightly, nervousness radiating from her. Her uncertainty hung thick in the air. “Kathleen was making some purple potion…” her voice trailed off.
“Well…” It probably didn’t matter; it felt sacrilegious to go back inside.
“She said it was for you,” Bianca added.
I sighed, slumping my shoulders. There was something sacred, untouchable, about another witch’s space—especially after they passed. But I couldn’t ignore this.
“Remember, she’s not there,” Bianca said. She hesitated but still stepped toward me, linking her fingers with mine, and when I hesitated further, she added, “You don’t have to be afraid. I’ll hold your hand.”
Before I could protest, she grabbed my fingers, and I allowed her to pull me toward the one-room dwelling. I stayed with her as she led me toward the now-cool hearth. She placed the lantern on the table. The light reflected off the rounded, black iron.
“This stuff,” she said, gesturing toward the cauldron with a wave. She bit her lip as she spoke, suddenly nervous and unsure.
I dropped Bianca’s hand, stepping forward as I leaned toward it, but it was too dark to see the contents.
“She was making it for me?” My eyes flashed toward Bianca, who only shrugged. “For what?”
“I don’t know,” she said. “She put mandrake in it, and it did something weird. She never said what it was for. But…” She hesitated, biting her lip.
She looked away and added, “She said to tell you it’s okay to ask for help.
Like I said, my…” She paused again, then corrected herself. “Jonathon is just messing with you.”
My heartbeat was thundering in my ears. Why would he do that?
“Do you—” she almost whispered. “Do you think she made it for your spell?”
I frowned down at the potion. It had looked like the drawings, but how had she known I would be coming? However, I couldn’t question it. It was precisely what I required, and with time running out, I wouldn’t have the chance to make my own.
I might have to take Bianca up on her offer after all.
“I’ll bottle what I need,” I told Bianca, breaking the electrified air—or maybe that was just my excitement. “We can take it with us.”
Hell, Kathleen even had all those materials ready, too. She’d planned this all along.
“O-okay.” Bianca watched me, and I wondered if I looked as crazed as I felt.
But this wasn’t something I could explain without exposing my weakness. Tonight would be the perfect time. I couldn’t afford to hesitate any longer. The full moon’s energy drove me forward.
Initially, I led us through the trees, but it was still hard to see, even with the lantern and the bright moonlight.
After a question about our destination—when I realized I hadn’t even told Bianca where we were going—she took over.
She didn’t complain about the walk, only reaching her hand back to grasp mine as I stumbled after her.
My apprehension faded as she threaded her fingers through mine, and her confidence grew as we drew deeper into the forest.
Nighttime sounds fell away as I studied her silhouette. Her braid swayed gently with her movements, and every so often, I’d capture a glimpse of bright green as her attention flickered to me.
My chest tightened at the sight. Was she even aware of how casually she’d drawn upon her powers? Did she know, for example, that her eyes glowed?
She must know. Why wouldn’t she?
Bianca squeezed my hand and said, “Watch your step.”