12. Anny
CHAPTER 12
ANNY
Dammit I should've known better. I should've known not to let my guard down and not to believe that this time could be different.
But that's what love does, doesn't it? At least that's what loving Fallon Kingridge does. It tricks you over and over again.
He makes you soft in the places you swore you'd keep sharp. He makes you hope for forever, even when you know better. I can't believe I let him back in. I can't believe I started to believe in us all over again. I barely survived this the first time, and here I am in it all over again like an idiot.
Who puts their trust in a man who just stood there grinning about his big chance?
Meanwhile, I stood in the doorway like a fool, waiting to hear my name. Only to realize loud and clear that I've never mattered as much as the game. He wasn't just excited. He was lit up.
Fallon was alive in a way I haven't seen him since the first time he scored a touchdown on home turf. I'd know that look anywhere. It's the same one he bit back the day he left for his first European contract. He said we'd figure it out way back then. But in reality I wasn't a part of the vision, and that hasn't changed.
I walk straight past the old barn and into the far pasture. My boots crunch over the dry grass. My tears sting my eyes, but I refuse to let them fall until I'm sure that there isn't anyone around to see them. The last thing I want is an entire ranch making me their new favorite topic of conversation. I've done that once, and I'm not interested in a repeat.
I sink down onto the wooden fence at the edge of the pasture. The rails are cool and rough beneath my palms. My chest aches. My stomach is knotted up like a horse tied too tightly to a trailer hitch.
It wasn't just a gut-punch. It was a truth bomb. He's always going to choose movement over stillness. Adventure over home. Dreams over love. The worst part is, this time it's my own fault. He's shown me who he is for years, and I refused to believe it.
But deep down, I knew. I knew better than to believe in love again. I told myself I was strong, smart, and guarded. The second I let that guard down, he did exactly what I feared. He showed me that I'm not worth staying for... again.
This is just like before when the town whispered I'd ruin his career. Just like when I let him go, so he wouldn't have to choose between me and the game. Just like when I wasn't pregnant. I never got the chance to not hold him back, because he was gone, and I was already a ghost in his rearview mirror.
And now, he just looked happy. It's like the idea of leaving didn't cost him a thing. I sit for a long time letting the reality of the situation wash over me in waves of disappointment. Then I hear footsteps, and I pull my walls up around me.
"Anny," Fallon says, voice low and frayed at the edges. "I've been searching this whole damn ranch. How the hell did you get out of here so quickly and without tripping a single camera?"
I don't look up. "You didn't think to tell me that you're considering packing your bags all over again?"
"I just found out. I didn't expect you to be hiding in the damn doorway."
I cut my eyes at him. "You didn't tell me you wanted it. I thought you were home for good, like a total idiot. But the joke's on me. You were so excited," I whisper. "It’s like I was watching you slip out of my hands in real time."
"I didn't mean?—"
"But you did," I snap, finally turning to face him. "You meant every word. Every smile. Every 'this is what I've been waiting for.' And it was never me."
He swallows hard. "That's not true."
"Isn't it?" My voice is shaking. "Because I didn't hear my name once. Not in your smile. Not in your plans. Not even in your hesitation."
His eyes fill with something like regret. But he doesn't deny any of it. How could he when we both know it's true?
"Stop it—" He starts, but I don't want to hear the bullshit.
I cut him off. "I can't do this again. I can't be the thing someone leaves behind because something shinier comes along. I don't believe in us," I say, finally letting the words free. "Not anymore."
He flinches. "Don't say that. You are jumping to so many conclusions, and you're wrong, sweetheart. I know it's hard for you to believe, but it's true."
"You say you want to take care of me, but the truth is, you're still the guy who runs when things get too real. You ran before. And you're already doing it again." I shoot back at him.
"I'm not running." He folds his arms across his chest and frustration etches in the pinched lines on his forehead.
"You're leaving. I didn't stop you then, and I'm sure as hell not going to stop you now."
That lands like a punch. Fallon shakes his head and fury flashes in his eyes… but he doesn't argue. Maybe he can't because he knows I'm right.
"I'm not going to get into this with you when you are acting crazy. Cue the Miranda Lambert playlist because this is insane."
He steps toward me, but I back up. There's no fight left in me this time.
"I hope you get everything you want, Fallon. I just wish I weren't stupid enough to think I might be part of that."
And then I turn and walk away. It's my turn to leave with my dignity intact. He calls my name, but I don't look back. I know Fallon and I will have to talk at least once before he leaves, but it isn't going to be right now.
I make it all the way to the big oak behind the hay barn before I’m sure I’m alone and my knees give out. I drop to the grass and finally let the tears fall. Big, ugly, silent sobs escape me. I bury my face in my hands and curl into myself. I ache in places I didn't even know were still breakable.
"You know, crying under trees is becoming a pattern with you."
The voice startles me. I look up to find Patty June standing there, a basket of fresh eggs balanced on her hip.
"I don't need a lecture," I manage, wiping my face.
"Good, because I don't give 'em." She puts her basket down and lowers herself onto the grass beside me with a grunt. "What I do give is perspective."
I sniff. "I'm not in the mood for old-lady wisdom right now."
"Tough shit, sugar." She gives me a look that would wither most of the ranch hands. "You think you're the only one who's ever loved a man with a wandering spirit? Hell, girl, I married one. Thirty-seven years with that man, and he was gone half the time."
I draw my knees up to my chest. "So you're saying I should just accept it? Be the woman waiting at home while he chases his dreams?"
"I'm saying that loving someone means letting them be who they are. And if who they are doesn't fit with who you are, then you've got choices to make." She plucks a piece of grass and twirls it between her fingers. "But don't go making those choices based on fear or pride."
"It's not pride," I argue. "It's self-preservation."
Patty June laughs, but it's kind. "Oh, honey. You think self-preservation looks like closing yourself off? That ain't living. That's just existing."
The truth of her words settles over me. I've spent six years building walls, convinced I was protecting myself. But now I feel trapped within them.
"I've built something here," I say finally. "When he left, I had to figure out who I was beyond just being his girl. I learned to doctor the livestock when we couldn't afford the vet. I redesigned the breeding program. I have plans to expand the organic produce side that could double our revenue."
"And you're proud of who you've become," Patty June nods. "As you should be."
"I'm terrified of losing her if I let myself fall for him again."
“She ain’t going nowhere.” Patty June studies me for a long moment. "The heart wants what it wants, girl. Question is, what are you gonna do about it?"