Chapter 24
BEASTY
"I'm glad we never had to deal with men like that." Parker rubbed his pinky over his eyebrow thoughtfully, breaking the silence.
I expected the vibe to be dour, a reflection on what just happened. Instead, we had Parker making light of the situation. It was a mind warp.
"No, we had to deal with Andre. A hundred times worse." Grey crossed his arms, looking like he’d rather be anywhere but here. Yet, he also had a joking energy to his words.
Dropping his hand, Parker grinned. "Too right you are, dear brother."
The entire exchange between these cartel men in light of the past hour was fascinating and surreal. I didn’t know whether they truly viewed the Pescis as a threat or just some fun activity to pass the afternoon, as long as that activity was a violent and bloody game.
Lake scratched the back of his head. "We're going to pick rooms. We'll catch you in a bit."
Letting out a long exhale, Parker slapped Grey on the chest. "It is getting late. We need to video call anyway."
Grey grunted. "If I miss a bedtime for your ass, we're hitting the gym."
"Definitely don't want that." They walked toward the stairs, leaving the rest of us watching them. Stupefied.
"I expected Parker to demand we tell him what we planned to do to fix this," I said.
"I expected him to blow up at being caught in a fight that wasn't his." Joaquin furrowed his brow, gazing at the empty staircase.
"I choose not to look a gift horse in the mouth." Atlas grabbed my hand, tugging me out of Kim's hold and pulling me toward the stairs.
"You're not worried about being here?" Kim asked Lake as they trailed behind us.
"No." Lake sighed. "Fuck, man, he's right. He's already come to our rescue three times. If not for him, who knows if we'd have ever gotten out of that basement."
The vibe between us shifted to something darker. Lake carried on like he couldn't feel it. "If nothing else, I trust that he wants to keep Beasty safe. That's good enough for me right now."
Right now. I didn't ask what that meant.
We walked down a hallway with doors lining each side. Atlas opened each one and poked his head in. "This one works."
He flipped the light switch, and a soft dove gray covered the entire space, from the walls to the bedding and curtains. The only touch of color was a splash of cream and burgundy in the pillows and the curtain draped over the bar.
I huffed out a laugh. From the hole in the wall place he ran in West Virginia, I had expected basic walls and a mismatched blanket. Maybe some smoky air or neon signage.
"We'll get the bags." Atlas grabbed Joaquin's arm, ushering him out.
Kim walked to the dresser housing a small minibar I hadn't even noticed.
"I'm impressed. I didn't think Books had an eye for such fine details." Kim poured five glasses of water, leaving the liquor untouched.
Good. We didn't need to be drunk in case some other catastrophe struck. Joaquin didn't need it as a crutch either. He was doing so good without it, I was damn proud of him.
"This is a fucking sight better than that seventies motel." Lake untucked his shirt and pulled it off. I couldn’t stop myself from appreciating the packed muscles bunching and shifting across his torso.
One side of Lake’s mouth kicked up. “Is it bad that I’m almost grateful for the fight so we didn’t have to sleep on those nasty-ass sheets?”
I shook my head. I couldn’t keep up with his moods today.
Lake was down to his briefs when Atlas and Joaquin came back.
"I'm going to take a quick shower." Lake ducked into the ensuite bathroom.
Joaquin looked at me, his eyes sad. "Are you going to hold Quilliam all night?"
I glanced down at Quilliam’s enclosure plastered against my chest. My arms ached from how tight I hugged the weak plastic, and my shoulders pinched from the sharp corners digging in.
I hadn't even noticed.
"Maybe." I tried for a joking tone, but it fell flat. I couldn't even force my face into something pleasant.
"Beasty, I'm sorry," Joaquin said softly as he gently pried the enclosure out of my hold. Quilliam poked his head out of his little igloo.
I glanced at the window. It was already dark. "Let's let him out for a bit. He's gotta be stressed, and I want to make sure he's okay. Not injured." I opened the top and scooped him up. Joaquin fixed his wheel and nudged his igloo to the corner before setting it on the floor.
Quilliam curled into a little ball like he always did when he was unsure of his surroundings. Kim pressed his chin on my shoulder. "He's a cute little thing."
He stroked his finger where his little feet poked out, and Quilliam squeaked. I grinned. He never failed to make me feel better. I was glad I got him, even when I knew I shouldn't have.
I sat on the edge of the bed, just holding him, feeling my heart calm. He wiggled, snuggling deeper against me, and it was like magic.
Everything looked a tiny bit brighter.
"I'll go next." Atlas shot me a look, like he was making sure I didn't want a shower. I did, but I wanted to hold Quilliam first.
Resting against the pillows, I enjoyed the closeness of the boys sprawling around me. One by one, they left to get clean. When I was the only one left, I dropped a peck on Quilliam's face and put him back in his enclosure.
"I'll be right back,” I said, snatching up the set of pajamas Kim had already laid out.
The hot water sluiced down my back as I gave myself a quick scrub-down. It was therapeutic, like I was washing away the day. When I returned, the guys were relaxed and propped around the bed like decorative ornaments.
Lake sat with his back against the headboard on the far edge, his gun on the nightstand beside him. The only light in the room came from the lamp next to him.
Kim stretched out in the middle, already under the covers.
Atlas was catty-corner across the bed, lying with one arm folded under his head and the other buried in Joaquin’s hair.
Joaquin had his head in Atlas' lap as he spread across the foot of the bed.
All of them were shirtless, with miles of pale, tan, and dark skin on display.
It was…a damn attractive sight.
I bet they were also in their briefs, except for Lake, who'd put on a pair of workout shorts.
That man was always prepared. I didn't doubt, as relaxed as he seemed, that he wouldn't be across the room with his gun at the slightest disturbance.
He needed to break. He needed an orgasm.
My core clenched, but I wasn't sure this was the place. I wasn't sure I was even in the mood.
I lifted the covers and slid in. Kim immediately wrapped an arm around my waist and rolled me over his body until I was between him and Lake.
I hummed from the heat they put off. I was warm from the shower, but there was something comforting about sharing their body heat.
Lake clicked the lamp, and the room washed into darkness. "We should try and get some sleep."
"You don't think Books will come get us as soon as he gets back?" I asked, burrowing into Kim's side. He pressed a kiss to my forehead and laid his cheek against the top of my head.
"He was freaked out." Joaquin stretched his hand across the blanket and cupped my ankle. The blankets separated us, but still, the heat of his palm burned through. "I think he'll make an excuse to stay gone ‘til morning just to get himself back under control."
"Did anyone else feel like a little kid at Christmas when he was yelling on Beasty's behalf?" Kim asked as he scooted down, taking me with him. We had to bend our knees to the side to fit between the others. This bed wasn't really big enough for all of us.
"Me," Atlas said in a tone that made me think he was smiling. "We've always cared about each other, but there's never been another adult to give a shit about us. Not unless it gained them something for it."
"I don't think he cares about us," Joaquin added wryly.
"I don't think he doesn't not care about you." I tightened my hold on Kim's wrist over my chest, not liking the idea that Books could care for me and not them. It felt wrong somehow.
"Yes and no." Lake patted my thigh, still sitting up.
"What does that mean?" It came out more accusatory than I'd liked.
"He cares about you. Even feels some level of responsibility for you. That much is as clear as day. And I think in some way he does care about us, but only to the extent that if something happened to us, you'd be heart broken."
"That's not true!" I argued, but I also thought, maybe it was. Books didn't really know them like I did. I had no doubt when he did, he'd be just as in love with them as I was.
A sudden panic clawed at my chest. There was so much uncertainty, so many things happening beyond my control. This was my teenage years under Meg and Ed all over again.
I couldn’t go out without them knowing exactly how I felt.
"Guys?" I said, my voice tight.
"Hmm?" Kim hummed, snuggling me closer.
I sucked in a glacial breath, cooling me down from the inside. The sensation helped me get my thoughts together, to raise the courage to say what I needed to.
"If something happens to me"—growls erupted but I continued—"You all need to know that I love you. I know I struggled with it." I released Kim to pluck at the cover pulled up to my chest. "I didn't believe I knew you, or you knew me, but I was wrong."
I relaxed into the bed, motivated by their silence. My boys were finally listening, and I wanted them to hear all the ways they were special.
"I've gotten to know you since I came back, and I realized that the details, they don't matter.
Don't get me wrong. I want to know everything.
What you love, what you hate, what crazy things you've said over the years or how the weather makes you feel.
I want it all. But I don't need to know those things to know that you all were made for me. I love each of you so fucking much, you’re branded on my soul. "