15. Friends with Benefits
15
Roxy
Iwoke up this morning in an exhausted-yet-refreshed, well-satisfied haze. The bed beside me was empty, but the scents of coffee and bacon led me to the kitchen, where a shirtless, sleepy-eyed Miles was making breakfast.
He kissed me good morning.
We talked and laughed while we ate, then we finished decorating the cookies that were still waiting, half-completed, on the counter.
It was cozy.
Comfortable.
And really fun.
When he had to leave to make a team meeting––the big game is tomorrow––he kissed me again and grabbed my ass before nuzzling his scratchy scruff under my chin to make me squeal with laughter.
And it took about two minutes after the door closed behind him for the panic to start setting in. What even was that? What are we doing? We’re supposed to be friends. Sure, we caved in a moment of weakness and slept together…
Okay, I can’t lie to myself. We caved in no less than five moments of weakness and made each other come repeatedly, all night long.
But that’s all it was. We had no business acting all mushy and couple-like this morning. I took my friends’ advice––indulged myself to get him out of my system. And now, we’re supposed to redraw those lines I set, right?
I grab my phone from the kitchen table and pull up the group chat I have going with the girls. I furiously tap out a message, begging them to drop whatever they’re doing and get to my place, stat. Tessa and Hadley agree immediately without any questions, and Skye gets snarky about the early hour––she closed the bar she owns last night, or this morning, rather––but ends up agreeing, anyway…as long as I promise to serve coffee and snacks.
I hurry into the bathroom, hopping in the shower to rinse off the scents of sweat and sex and Miles’ cologne, then change into some sweat pants and a cozy hoodie. I twist my damp hair into a bun at my nape, then pad barefoot back into the living room just as the doorbell chimes.
“Jesus, you look like shit,” Skye says as she walks in, being the first to arrive despite her cranky replies to my text.
“Gee, thanks, friend,” I deadpan.
“Don’t get sassy with me, bitch,” she says. “I crawled out of bed after only four hours’ sleep for you. Now, lead me to the coffee and snacks you promised.”
“Fine,” I say, marching into the kitchen with a mumbled, “asshole.”
“I heard that,” Skye sing-songs behind me.
“Good,” I sing back in the same rhythm and tone she used.
I love Skye to pieces, but she’s a cranky bitch in the morning. She’s actually pretty difficult all the time, but it’s part of her charm. She refuses to suffer fools, doesn’t take shit from anyone, and uses her sharp tongue to defend her friends without fail. I call myself lucky to have her in my corner, even if I have to deal with her being a grumpy ass toward me from time to time.
Plus, you know, the bonus of free booze anytime we hang out at Blue Skye’s.
A knock sounds from my front door just before it opens, and I hear Tessa call my name.
“In the kitchen,” I call back loud enough for her to hear.
She and Hadley walk into the room as I’m handing Skye a cup of coffee and a pre-packaged muffin I pulled from the pantry. Tessa heads straight for the coffee maker without a word, and Hadley sits at the table next to Skye after giving me a hug.
“What’s going on, Roxy?” Hadley asks.
“She got down and dirty with the football player last night,” Skye murmurs before taking a sip of her coffee.
“What?” Tessa hollers from her place by the coffee maker.
“How did you know that?” I ask Skye, narrowing my gaze as I take a seat next to Hadley.
“Please, bitch,” she grumbles, ripping the muffin open and taking a bite. She groans with pleasure as she swallows, then pins me with a pointed look. “You have that great-sex glow all over you.”
“You really slept with him?” Hadley asks gently.
I nod and drop my head. After Tessa’s coffee finishes brewing and she joins us at the table, I tell them the whole story. Miles coming over to drop off Herman, then asking to make cookies. The fun, the laughter. The tension when I licked my thumb, and his reaction. Tessa practically swoons when I tell them about Miles sucking the leftover frosting from my thumb.
“Then things just kind of spiraled, and let’s just say I woke up very satisfied this morning. Miles made breakfast, and we finished the cookies. It wasn’t until after he left that I started to panic. What am I going to do now? I’m still opposed to starting a romantic relationship with him, and this morning felt very…relationship-y. It freaked me out.”
“Calm down, Roxy,” Tessa says, reaching to take my hand. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Maybe you should just go with it,” Hadley suggests. “It seems like you guys have some fantastic chemistry. Like we said before, it doesn’t have to end in disaster. You can both be adults about it.”
As usual, Hadley’s the voice of reason, but I’m too amped up to consider it.
“I don’t know if I can do that,” I say, hanging my head. “I can’t get rid of the feeling that this is a bad idea. That something will go horribly wrong, and I’ll end up regretting it.”
“Do you regret last night?” Skye asks, taking a longer drink of her coffee now that it’s had time to cool.
I blink a few times, thinking about her question. Do I regret getting naked with Miles and being on the receiving end of several mind-blowing orgasms?
“No,” I admit with a shake of my head. “Absolutely not.”
We chat for a while longer, with the girls trying to convince me to go for it while I staunchly refuse. Skye finally throws up her hands and stands from her chair.
“I don’t know why you’re asking us for advice when you refuse to listen to it. I love you, Roxy, but you’re being an asshole, and I need more sleep to deal with it.”
She walks over and hugs me tightly to soften the blow of her words. I hug her back, then watch her walk out after giving Tessa and Hadley hugs, too. She’s right. I am being an asshole. I asked for their advice, but what I really wanted was for them to agree with me to validate my feelings.
“I have to go, too,” Hadley says, standing. “I have a new guest checking in soon.”
Hadley owns her very own B&B downtown. Sublime doesn’t get a lot of tourists, but she loves the nineteenth-century Victorian her grandmother left her in her will, and she gets enough business to make the place work.
She hugs Tessa and me, doesn’t call me an asshole, and walks out with a little skip in her step. After the door closes behind her, I look at Tessa. She returns my stare with a sympathetic gaze.
“I’m usually a big proponent of following your gut, but in this case, I think your gut is wrong. I can see something special between you and Miles. But it’s not my choice to make. It’s yours, and I will support you, no matter what you decide.”
With that, she stands and takes her cup, as well as the dirty dishes Skye left behind, to the sink. I stand when she comes back, and she wraps me up in a warm, tight hug.
“I love you, Rox.”
“Love you, too, Tess,” I mumble.
She leaves, and I plop back down into my chair with a sigh. Am I making a mistake? Am I blowing off the opportunity to find something lasting and real? Or am I right, dodging what could be a nuclear bomb that blows up the peace and harmony in my life?
Fuck if I know. And that’s the scariest part of all.
I’m just finishing up a late lunch when there’s a knock on my door. I answer it to see Miles, unexpected with a nervous grin on his face. I give him a stilted greeting, then awkwardly invite him in.
“Did things just get weird?” he asks, tilting his head to study me.
I blow out a relieved breath. He gets it. “A little.”
Miles furrows his brow. “Listen, I know you said you wanted to just be friends, but––”
“I do,” I interject. “I do want us to be friends. We crossed a line last night, and we can’t undo that, but I stand by my decision. It’s too risky for us to be together when things could get messy later on down the road.”
My stomach twists as I say the words. A mixture of disappointment in myself and guilt at what feels like a lie churn in my gut, but I can’t take the words back. I’m committed to making sure nothing I do blows up the harmony in my and my friends’ lives.
He looks disappointed, but sucks it up, giving me a blank stare. “Okay, Roxy. Whatever you want.”
“Really?”
He gives me a sad smile. “Of course.”
I lunge forward and wrap him in a tight hug, relief and regret warring inside me. He groans and hugs me back, pressing our bodies together as he nuzzles my neck. I feel my body wake up as heat floods through me.
“This isn’t very friend-like,” I joke even while lifting my chin to give his mouth better access.
“Well, you’re making this very hard,” he murmurs against my skin. “In every sense of the word.”
A laugh barks out of me, and his hands slip down to grope my ass.
“Miles.”
“Roxanne.”
I suck in a shuddering breath, his growling tone and use of my full name affecting me just like it has from the beginning. “You’re not playing fair.”
Keeping his grip on my ass, he leans back to meet my gaze. “What if we compromise?”
I arch a brow. “Compromise…how?”
“We’ll be friends, just like you want, but…with benefits.”
I pull out of his arms, then prop my fists on my hips as I give him a disbelieving glare. “Friends with benefits? Really?”
Ignoring my tone, he shrugs. “Seems like a logical solution. We want each other, but being in a romantic relationship is too complicated. So we hang out like we’ve been doing, as friends, and if––no, when––we both decide we want to get a little frisky, we allow ourselves to do so. It’s a win-win situation.”
I pause to consider it, staunchly ignoring the excitement that’s replaced the guilt and regret in my gut. “What if one of us decides to start dating someone?”
“Then we suspend the benefits and remain friends.”
“You make it sound so easy.”
“It’s as easy as we make it. We can do this, Roxy. I know we can. What do you say?”
It’s almost embarrassing how quickly I cave and latch onto his idea. Almost.
“Okay. Friends with benefits, it is.”