21. Moxy
21
Roxy
I’m still thinking about Miles’ words when I settle in the corner of my couch the next afternoon. He let me sleep in this morning, and I woke up to the smell of the French toast and bacon he ordered for us. We had a pleasant breakfast, but our conversation from last night continued to haunt me. It does still.
I believe in you.
Has anyone ever said that to me before? Sure, maybe the girls have, but they’re my best friends. I’m pretty sure they’re legally required to believe in me, whether my dreams are realistic, or not.
My parents sure as shit never did. They lived in angry silence for years, determined to stay together for my sake, and as soon as I graduated high school and got my own place, they divorced and moved away, following their own dreams. I speak to them occasionally, but our conversations are always overshadowed by a blanket of resentment on both sides.
They resent me because I was the only reason they stayed unhappily married, and I resent them because their unhappiness led to my own. It’s why I was such a rebel in high school, pushing every limit and breaking every rule.
I wanted to push some real emotion out of them. Make them focus on me instead of their anger and disgust with each other.
I believe in you.
My phone is in my hand, and I tap the screen to pull up my group chat with the girls.
Me: Miles said I should open a bakery. He believes in me.
Skye: We’ve been telling you that for years, Roxy. People would pay good money to get their hands on your cookies.
Hadley: I agree. You could make a killing.
Tessa: Miles said he believes in you?
Tessa gets it. I’m not looking for confirmation that my cookies are good. I know they are.
Me: He did. Said he’d even go into business with me and work the office side after he retires from football.
Tessa: Wow.
Skye: Were you naked at the time?
Hadley: Skye!
Skye: What? I’m not saying it’s a bad thing. If it was pillow talk after they did the deed, then we know he meant it and wasn’t just trying to get into her pants. You know, because…no pants.
A laugh barks out of me as I type out a response.
Me: Yes. We were naked.
Tessa: I think it’s a brilliant idea. The space next to the coffee shop just went up for rent, and it has a kitchen already installed.
Hadley: We should go tour it. That would be so cool, having you both right next door to each other.
Skye: Then if Roxy moves in with Miles, they’ll work AND live next door to each other.
Me: I’m not moving in with Miles. We’re just friends.
Skye: If you say so.
Hadley: Leave her alone, Skye. If Roxy says they’re just friends, then they’re just friends.
Me: Thank you, Hadley.
I stand my ground despite the fact that typing the words “just friends” made my gut tighten with deceit. But denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, and I plan to die on this sword.
Skye: Fine. I’ll leave it alone. For now. But he’s right, Roxy. You can do this.
I’m the only one of our friend group who isn’t a business owner. Tessa has her coffee shop, Hadley owns and runs her own B&B, and Skye owns Blue Skye’s, the most successful dive bar in Sublime. I’ve never let it bother me, seeing my friends become so successful while I trudge along in the waitressing gig I’ve had for the last decade. But I suddenly feel a pinch in my chest. A feeling of regret that I’ve walked the easy path for so long when I could’ve been taking bigger chances.
I could’ve been making all my dreams come true.
My phone begins to ring, and I see Tessa’s name flash across the screen.
“Hey,” I say when I tap the icon to answer the call.
“I have an idea,” she says without preamble. “What if we do a test run at Beans & Books? You could make some non-cock-shaped cookies, and I’ll sell them at the counter. Like coffee mugs or stacks of books. That would be so cute!”
When she pauses for a breath, I ask, “Seriously?”
“Of course,” she gushes. “I can’t believe I didn’t think of this before. I know they’ll be a hit, and you’ll get some honest, unbiased feedback from my customers. No one even has to know you made them until you’re ready. We just need a company name for the label.”
“Moxy.”
“What?”
I take a breath. “Moxy. That’s the name.”
“So, you have thought about this,” she says quietly, an edge of excitement in her voice.
“Of course, I have,” I admit. “I’ve just been too afraid. What if I fail?”
“You won’t, Roxy. And we’re going to prove it. Get me some cookies as soon as you can, and I’ll show you just how successful you can really be.”
After we end the call, I lean back against the couch and breathe through the feeling of my nerves jumping under my skin. Could I really do this?
Should I?
If I do it, and no one buys the cookies, I’m not going to lie…I’d be devastated. But if I don’t try, I’ll never know. I’ll spend the rest of my life waitressing in Branston and hustling my cock cookies on the side.
No. I have to try. If for no other reason than to face my fears like I do in every other aspect of my life.
Tapping the screen of my phone, I pull up my favorite online shop that sells cookie cutters in every shape you could possibly imagine. As I peruse the coffee shop and bookstore themed cut-outs, my lips curve into a wide smile.
I can do this. I’ll throw everything I’ve got into these cookies, and Tessa will hawk them for me to see if I can really turn my side-hustle into a real career.
And I can’t wait to get started.