Chapter 17 #2
“Why you might be tempted to stick around. This place is insane. Like, movie-star-mansion insane.”
I laugh despite myself. “It’s not about the house, Jess.”
“I know, but it doesn’t hurt, right?” She takes a sip of the expensive wine Maksim selected for her since I’m sticking to sparkling water and sighs. “I still think you’re crazy, but I’m starting to understand the appeal.”
We talk for hours, catching up on everything that’s happened since I left my old life behind.
She tells me about her temporary apartment, the strange men who shadow her movements but never interfere, and how surreal it feels to be living in a world where protection comes with a price tag most people can’t imagine.
“It’s like being in a movie.” She shakes her head. “Except the movie is my actual life, and I have no idea how it ends.”
I nod emphatically. “That makes two of us.”
She sets down her wine glass and studies me carefully. “Can I ask you something without you getting defensive?”
“Probably not but go ahead.” I grin.
“Do you think he loves you? Or do you think he just sees you as the mother of his child?”
The question is uncomfortable even though I’ve been asking myself the same thing for days. “I don’t know. Sometimes when he looks at me, it feels like there’s something real there. Something deeper than just obligation or responsibility.”
She cocks her head slightly. “And other times?”
I nibble on my lower lip while trying to decide how to compose my answer. “Other times, I wonder if I’m just projecting what I want to see because the alternative is too scary to think about.”
Jessie nods thoughtfully. “What scares you more? That he doesn’t love you, or that he does?”
I consider the question, surprised by how difficult it is to answer. “Both, I think. If he doesn’t love me, I’m just a convenience. Just someone to carry his child and warm his bed when he wants company. But if he does love me...”
“Then you’re falling in love with a man whose enemies would use you to destroy him.”
“Exactly, and he’d never let me go if I decide that’s what I want someday.” I take a sip of sparkling water, wishing it were something stronger. “Either way, I lose.”
She surprises me by shaking her head. “Not necessarily. Maybe there’s a third option.”
“Which is?”
“Maybe love isn’t about winning or losing. Maybe it’s about choosing to be vulnerable with someone despite the risks.” She reaches across the table to squeeze my hand. “Your mom loved your dad, even knowing he might leave. She still thought it was worth it to have you.”
The comparison makes my chest tighten. “And look how that turned out.”
“She got you out of it. That wasn’t nothing, Brina. That was everything.”
We sit in comfortable silence for a moment, watching the gardens through the floor-to-ceiling windows. Then Jessie speaks again, her voice quieter. “Has he told you about his brother? About what happened?”
“A little. I know someone named Irina killed him, and that’s who Nikandr was looking for when he found me.”
“Maksim told me more about it on the drive here. Not details, but enough to understand why Nikandr is the way he is.” She pauses, choosing her words carefully. “He’s been alone for a long time, Sabrina. Really alone. The kind of alone that changes a person fundamentally.”
“What are you saying?”
She appears to be carefully choosing her words. “I’m saying maybe the reason he doesn’t know how to show love is because he hasn’t had anyone to love in ten years. That doesn’t mean he’s not capable of it.”
The idea hadn’t occurred to me before, but it makes a certain kind of sense.
I think about the gentle way he touches me when he thinks I’m asleep, like he’s still surprised I’m real.
It’s impossible not to notice the way he remembers small details about my preferences and tries to accommodate them without being asked.
“You think I should give him a chance?” I’ve been fighting what I feel for him, so the idea of surrendering leaves me with conflicted emotions.
“I think you should give yourself a chance to be happy, loved, and to build something good out of this impossible situation.” Her expression grows serious. “I also think you should have an exit strategy. Just in case.”
As the afternoon wears on, I relax in a way I haven’t since arriving at the estate. Having Jessie here makes everything feel more normal and manageable. Maybe this new life doesn’t have to mean losing everything I was before.
When it’s time for her to leave, she hugs me tightly and whispers in my ear. “He makes you happy. I can see it in your face.”
I don’t disagree. “It’s complicated.”
“The best things usually are.” She pulls back to look at me seriously. “Just remember what I said about protecting yourself and call me if you need anything.”
After she’s gone, I sit alone in the sunroom and think over her words about happiness, protection, and the delicate balance between hope and self-preservation. I don’t get a sudden epiphany, but my determination to fight against what I’m feeling is fading fast.