Chapter 25 #2
He doesn’t answer immediately, which tells me everything I need to know.
“I want to go home.” The words come out steadier than I feel, but I mean them completely. I can’t stay here anymore, surrounded by reminders of promises that were apparently meaningless from the moment they were made.
He straightens despite the obvious pain. “This is your home.”
“No, it’s not. This is your fortress. My home is the apartment I share with Jessie, where no one lies to me about midnight raids or gets shot defending territory.”
His voice carries an edge of command that makes my spine stiffen with rebellion. “You can’t leave.”
I glare at him. “Watch me.” I move toward the staircase, intending to pack a bag and call Jessie to pick me up. He follows, clearly struggling with the injury but determined not to let me out of his sight.
“Sabrina, stop. You’re not thinking clearly.”
I whirl around at the top of the stairs. “I’m thinking more clearly than I have in weeks. This is exactly what I was afraid of. I fell for a man who says all the right things but can’t actually change who he is.”
He looks torn between anger and frustration, and it bleeds through his voice. “I am changing. I told you about the succession plans, about stepping away from the organization, and warned you I had to deal with Vadim.”
“You also told me you’d be honest about when that happened, but then you sneaked out at dawn to get into a gunfight. Do you see the contradiction there?”
He reaches for me, but I step back despite the many steps between us. The gesture feels too much like manipulation, like he’s trying to use our physical connection to distract me from the very real betrayal that brought us to this point. “Don’t touch me right now.”
He drops his hand. “Please just calm down and think about this rationally.”
I take a deep breath, trying to keep my voice steady and suppress the creeping anger. “I am being rational. I’m protecting myself and our daughter from a man who apparently can’t keep his word about the most basic requirements for our relationship.”
He grimaces with pain, though I don’t know if it’s physical or emotional. “I kept my word about everything that matters.”
I snort softly. “Honesty matters. Trust matters. You just proved I can’t rely on you for either one.
” I continue toward the bedroom, with him following slowly behind.
Each step feels like progress toward reclaiming some control over my life and my future.
I speak without turning around. “You can’t control me, and I won’t stay somewhere I don’t feel safe. ”
“You’re safe here.”
I hesitate at the bedroom doorway, turning to face him. “I’m safe from outside threats, but I’m not safe from you making unilateral decisions about our lives and expecting me to just accept whatever consequences follow.”
I move deeper into the room as he lingers in the hallway to pull a suitcase from the closet and begin throwing clothes into it without much regard for organization. The physical activity helps channel some of the emotional energy burning through my system.
He leans against the doorframe, watching me pack with an expression I can’t quite read. “Where will you go?”
“Back to my apartment. Back to my life.” I toss in a handful of maternity underwear. “I’ll see if Jessie is ready to come home too.”
“What about the baby?” His voice breaks slightly.
The question stops me cold as I turn to face him with one hand instinctively moving to my belly. “What about her?”
“She’s my daughter too.”
I nod. “Of course, and you can see her per whatever schedule we work out, as long as you can guarantee her safety, but I won’t raise her in a world where violence is always lurking around the corner.”
“This was the last of it. With Vadim gone?—”
“Vadim isn’t gone. You said it was a trap, and he wasn’t there. So now what? Another mission? Another secret operation you’ll lie to me about?”
He does not have an answer for that, which confirms my worst fears about what our future would actually look like. I zip the suitcase closed and set it on the floor. “I need you to arrange transportation back to my apartment.”
He studies my face for a long moment. “Sabrina?—”
The word comes out softer than I intended, but I don’t have the energy for more fighting. “Please. I need some time to think, and I can’t do that here.”
I think I see something break behind his eyes. “If you leave now, I might lose you forever.”
I keep my expression as impassive as I can. “You lost me the moment you decided to lie to me about something this important.”
“I never meant to hurt you.” Hurt bleeds through every word.
It makes it hard to breathe as I share that pain with him for a moment, though for different reasons. “I believe you, but you did. The worst part is you chose to hurt me instead of trusting me with the truth.”
He nods slowly, and defeat settles over his features like a heavy blanket. “I’ll have Maksim drive you.”
“Thank you.”
Twenty minutes later, I’m seated in the back of an armored SUV with my suitcase beside me and two guards following in a separate vehicle. As we pull away from the estate, I refuse to look back even though I’m certain Nikandr is watching from one of the windows.
The image of him limping through the foyer keeps replaying in my mind.
Pale, injured, and trying to minimize his pain while explaining why he had risked everything without bothering to include me in the decision.
Each time I remember the blood on his shirt or the careful way he moved, my resolve wavers slightly.
Until I remind myself one day, he might not come home at all, and I refuse to raise our daughter in a world where that possibility hangs over us like a constant threat, especially when I can’t be sure he’ll tell me what he’s doing before it happens.
I press my hand to my belly and whisper, “It’s going to be okay, baby girl. Mommy’s going to figure this out.”
I call Jessie and ask her to meet me at the apartment before falling into silence. As the familiar streets of my old neighborhood come into view, I’m not sure I believe that promise any more than I believed his desperate attempts to placate me this afternoon.