Chapter 6
ROSE
This is what I wanted. Time to think.
I try to listen to the voice in my bed as I toss and turn that evening. Sleep seems a long way off.
I never dreamed I’d let myself go like that.
When he called himself Daddy, something woke up inside of me. A breed of lust I never knew existed. A species of want I wouldn’t have imagined before he laid his inked hands on me.
I told him to go because I wanted to clear my head. But the hours since he left have only made me more confused.
Tossing and turning isn’t fun, but what else am I going to do? March next door and wake Mr Mystery in the middle of the night? Tell him losing my virginity to him was the most magical experience possible and I’m thirsty for round two already?
Just let it go. It was a bit of fun. Move on.
I think of the face he made when I mentioned Russian organized crime. I’m na?ve in some ways—I won’t lie—but I’m not an idiot. Those tattoos and his general demeanor should be setting off alarm bells … gigantic fucking bells.
But honestly?
It just makes me want him more.
He spoke to me like I was his already. Like we went from never to forever in record time.
I close my eyes. Try not to see Lex …
And, of course, I fail.
The next day, I go into the backyard and get more work done. I’m pretty sure I see his curtains twitch once or twice. But that could be my mind and mood playing tricks on me. Giving me what I want and shouldn’t want.
I keep thinking about him coming around here again. Leaping the fence like he isn’t north of a ripped two-forty pounds and taking the shovel from my hands. I imagine lying in his arms after we had sex, talking about a future I shouldn’t even care about.
He doesn’t come outside. Maybe he’s giving me what I said I wanted.
Space.
Time to think.
But all I can think about is how badly I need him again.
I go to bed early, trying to lose myself in a book on my Kindle. I like fast-paced thrillers these days, short chapters, punchy and distracting. Ever since Mom passed, these are the only kinds of books that have been able to drag me away from the abyss.
Tonight, they fail. The words shift and shimmer until they become tempting sentences.
Go and be with your man.
Find Lex.
Love him.
I close my eyes. Shake my head as if I can dislodge the thoughts.
That’s when I hear the grunting. What? Is it coming from my backyard. My heart pounds frantically as I walk to the window and peel back the curtain a little.
Moonlight bounces off his shirtless back as he digs in the dirt. Piling gigantic mounds up beside the soon-to-be pool foundation. I bite my lip as I watch him. I was never much of a lip-biter before Lex came along. Now the habit has set in.
Maybe I should just leave him to it …
But screw that. I called him Daddy because it was hot as hell. But I’m not going to act like some scared little girl. I am not a scared little girl.
I walk through the house before I can talk myself out of it. Open the back door.
He turns, the blue moonlight drenching his rippled torso. He spears the shovel into the dirt. His voice is low and gravelly. “Didn’t mean to wake you.”
“What are you doing?” I hiss.
“Helping,” he says fiercely. “Trying.”
“You don’t have to do that.”
“I can’t stand to see you struggle, Rose. You deserve a man who makes life easier for you.”
I wrap my arms around myself.
“Is this the part where you tell me to fuck off?” he snarls.
Slowly, I shake my head. “I thought you’d forgotten about me.”
He steps out of the hole. Walks toward me cautiously like he’s afraid of moving too fast, scared he’ll snap and spiral us into irrepressible lust.
“Never.” He takes my hands, moves his thumbs over my knuckles with shocking gentleness. But I can feel the lust trying to burst through. “I can’t stop thinking about you. But you were right to push me away.”
“Because you’re involved in organized crime?”
He leans down. His nose brushes mine. His eyes stare at me … no, into me, like he sees things nobody else ever has.
“You shouldn’t say things like that.”
He’s too close. I can’t stop myself.
This time, I’m the one who kisses him.
He groans as I stand on my tiptoes. Throw my arms over his shoulders. The desire in me swells and tries to take over. I almost let it.
“Wait.” I place my hand on his chest. His heart pounds heavily through his muscled chest. “If we’re going to do this, I want it to… mean something.”
Does that sound cheesy?
Unrealistic?
Am I asking for too much?
He obliterates my concerns when he says huskily, “You mean everything, Rose. Everything to me. You make me feel more than a man like me should be able to.”
A man like me.
But he still hasn’t told me what that is.
He hasn’t denied it either.
He cradles my face. Brushes his hand across my cheek.
“You changed me the moment I laid eyes on you,” he murmurs. “I’m taking you out.”
A smile lights me up. “Out—now?”
He smirks. “Unless you’ve got other plans? Like maybe drag you inside and fuck you until we’re both raw and wrecked and hungry for more … so, yeah, out. In public, where I’ll have to play nice and, at least pretend to be civilized.”
My heartbeat gets as frantic as his. “Are you serious?”
He stares darkly at me. “Deadly. Go get ready. I’m going to treat you like the queen you are.”