Chapter 23
NASH
“Fuck,” I curse under my breath as I grab my towel and storm out of my bathroom.
What the hell was I thinking? You were thinking with your fucking dick.
I close my eyes and try to erase the images of Ellie’s perfect naked body.
The way my hands molded to her breasts and her tiny mews of pleading were nearly my undoing.
I’ve never had good self-control when it comes to women and that usually gets me into trouble.
As much as I wanted to push her up against my shower and fuck her until she couldn’t stand, I don’t know if that is a good idea.
The lines between us shouldn’t be blurred.
When they do, they jeopardize the mission, it’s happened in the past. The bullet wound on my ribs throbs as a reminder of what happens when you lose focus on a mission because of a woman.
I angrily grab a pair of pajama pants from my drawer and pull them on, discarding my wet underwear into the laundry basket.
Movement from the doorway catches my attention, Ellie is standing there with a towel wrapped around her.
Those green eyes refuse to look at me. I hurt her with my rejection.
“Here,” I say, handing her one of my shirts.
She grabs it from me before slamming the bathroom door in my face.
Her anger I can deal with, her vulnerability is my undoing.
Then, moments later, she steps out and glares at me before walking over to the right-hand side of my bed and getting in.
I’m stunned, I thought my rejection in the shower would have her running back to her room, then I still, remembering the reason she is in my bed is not to ride my fucking dick but because of her nightmares.
I follow suit and click off the light, plunging the room into semi-darkness, the only light filtering into the room is from the moon.
I don’t like being in complete darkness, I need to be able to see the night sky.
I get in and punch my pillow a couple of times in frustration.
Ellie has her back to me as I settle in beside her.
“Can we talk?” I ask.
“No,” she comes back immediately, shutting me out.
“Fine, you’re going to have to listen to me talk then,” I tell her. She huffs unhappily, and I can imagine her rolling her eyes at me and plotting my death.
“About last night …” she remains still, “I shouldn’t have done what I did. I don’t know what happened, but jerking off while you were on a mission is a low point.” Ellie slowly turns over and her now green eyes look up at me.
“Are you upset that you jerked off to a whore?” she asks.
I still. “What? No. You’re not a whore.”
“Yes, I am. Fucking people is my job,” she explains blankly.
“It’s only part of your job.”
She shakes her head. “I shouldn’t have dared you last night. I shouldn’t have let my needs overtake the mission.”
Her needs? Is she saying she actually wants me? Yes, I know she flirts with me, but honestly, I thought that was just her or that she was doing it to get under my skin because she’s figured out I have a crush on her.
“I liked that your eyes were on me even though you were with him,” I confess.
“You did?”
I shouldn’t be encouraging her. We would never work.
“I’ve got a bullet wound on my ribs, not sure if you know that,” I tell her.
She nods as her hand reaches out and touches the wound.
Fuck. I swallow hard as my dick twitches under her touch.
“I got it saving Brooks and my team.” Those sea foam green eyes widen.
I suck in a deep breath as I’ve never spoken about it, but her gentle touch eases the ache that is there.
“We were based in the Middle East with the military. We’d been stuck in the fucking desert for months in some Podunk village we would patrol for insurgents every fucking day.
One day, I saved this woman from being attacked by a man, she was screaming for help, and I heard her.
Thankfully, I was able to get there in time before he was able to touch her, and I beat him to a pulp,” I explain.
Ellie stills. “She was so thankful for saving her that the next day, she brought me sweets, and every single day for weeks she would do the same thing. They were so good.” I moan.
“As time went on, we started to talk, and the more we talked, the more we started to fall for each other until it had turned into a full-blown affair, something that was incredibly frowned upon. Brooks found out about it, he saw us kissing, and he lost his mind. He was my superior as well as my best friend, and he tried to separate us. We had to sneak around and find ways to see each other because I thought we were in love, until one day, I was with my team, and I watched her get kidnapped by these men we had been spying on. I broke away from my team and followed her to try to save her. Of course, Brooks followed as did my team. What we didn’t know was it was a setup.
She was one of the insurgents, and she was sent to infiltrate us in any way she could.
She found her way into my infantry through me.
When we turned the corner, she had a gun pointed at me, then Brooks, who came in after me.
She panicked and pulled the trigger. I jumped in front of him while pulling my own trigger.
She got me through the side, I got her through the head.
Then everything went to shit.” My heart is racing, my hands are clammy, and I try to wipe them against the sheet.
“Nash,” Ellie’s voice pulls me from the images of that day as she rolls over.
“I nearly killed my brothers that day because I strayed from the mission.” I look over to see Ellie staring at me. “You’re so achingly beautiful,” I say, reaching out and cupping her face. Her long lashes shut as she nuzzles into my palm. “I want you, I do …”
She shakes her head. “You don’t have to explain. I get it.”
“You were not what I was expecting,” I tell her as my thumb slides across her cheek.
“Neither are you,” she confesses. We stare at each other in silence for what feels like an eternity.
“Your mission is Manuel. Do you think he will like it if you are sleeping with me?” I need to remind her.
“How would he know?” she says, rolling her eyes as her hands run over my skin.
“You don’t think he’s watching you?”
“He’s off fucking someone else tonight. I saw his messages,” she tells me. Oh. “But I have a date with him tomorrow night.” Jealousy slides over me, but I try to temper it down. “Technically, I have a night off from the mission so ..." she says before the next thing I know, she is straddling me.
“Ellie,” I groan, feeling her lithe body pressed against my own.
“One night, get out of our systems whatever this is that’s happening between us.
” I raise a brow at her. “Come on, I’m not the only one that has noticed the flirting and things.
I can feel how hard your dick is now beneath me,” she says, sliding along it.
“I’m not looking for forever, Nash. I’m looking to get rid of this fucking ache between my legs that you seem to have given me.
” My eyes widen at her confession as a smirk falls across my face.
“Don’t look so fucking smug, you can’t tease me with that cock and then deny me. ”
My hands come out and grip her hips. “I told you why.”
She lets out a sigh. “And I thank you for telling me your story. I get those demons, trust me. You’re not alone with them.
” She reaches out and runs her fingers down my face.
“I fell for the enemy, too. The one that thinks I’m dead.
He was Zoe and Grace’s tormentor, and I never knew.
I thought I had found someone in this fucked up world that understood me …
” She laughs darkly. “Who loved me, who didn’t look at me like an object he needed to own.
Except he was the devil in disguise, and I fell for it.
I thought I was in love. I thought he was different.
Me. Trained to be smart when it comes to men.
I let my guard down and he broke me in two.
I hate even to this day that he still has claim over a small portion of my heart.
” I can see the hurt, devastation, and confusion on her face as she tells me her story.
“I get it, Nash, honestly, I do,” she says, sliding her hand down over my face.
“But I’m asking for one night for you to fuck me.
I just want to forget about everything. I thought I could do it drinking, but that didn’t seem to work. ”
“And you think my dick can help?” I ask.
“Maybe.” She grins as she teases it again.
“One night?”
“Yes.”
“And if tomorrow I go out and sleep with someone else you won’t have a problem with it?”
“No. And you won’t have a problem with me being with Manuel.”
Hearing his name makes me tense. “No. I won’t.” Even if I don’t trust the guy.
“Glad we could settle that then.” She grins.
“Fuck you.” I curse as I let go of her hips, grab her face, and pull those fucking distracting lips toward me.
The kiss is savage, full of tension, with a sprinkling of hate, lust, and desire as we both duel for dominance against the other, my fingers sinking into her golden locks as we devour one another.
I can’t get enough of her sweetness as our pent-up feelings for each other explode.
Her teeth nip my bottom lip, and a metallic taste fills my mouth.
My fingers dig into her scalp, pulling a moan from her lips as my fingers continue to tangle in her hair, holding her in place.
I’m so distracted by her kiss that I don’t notice that she’s pulled my dick free from my pants until her hand is sliding up and down it, pulling a guttural groan through my body.
Yes. Harder. Tighter. I scream in my mind as she twists her hand along my cock.
“Fuck,” I pant, pulling her lips from mine.