Chapter Twenty Five #2
The cold air pierced my skin, making me shiver. We sat outside a few streets over from the club. After we’d been caught red-handed, fucking on the hood of some random guy’s car, we bolted. Or, more specifically, Lukyan bolted, with me dangling off his back, our laughter echoing into the air.
Once we’d made it to safety, we came across several food trucks. It was the perfect place to set up, ensuring ample business from all the party goers pouring out of the clubs on Main Street.
I took a quick sip of my Coke. “Okay, so my consciousness is inside a snail, right—”
“Can you talk?” he asked curiously.
“Of course I can’t talk. I’m a snail.”
“So putting your consciousness into a snail is plausible, but being able to talk isn’t?
” he questioned humorously. “I love the way your mind works.” The hard shell of his taco cracked as he took another bite.
“You asked me something, and now I’m curious what the answer is for you.
What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done? ”
“Slight subject change, but I’ll roll with it. We’ll be circling back to this later, though. I’d say…the craziest thing I’ve ever done is pose on your bed while you were taking a shower.” I winked.
He smirked. “Funny. But I want something new. Something different. Something I don’t know about.”
He wants to know more about me. The prospect of strengthening our connection made me instantly forget the ridiculous topic we’d been discussing to search for something to tell him.
We’d already had numerous conversations about our lives.
They had all been mundane topics, though. Nothing deep or meaningful.
I realized something, and a flicker of sadness cut through me. “Believe it or not, everything crazy I’ve ever done is in relation to you. My life was nothing before I met you. As pathetic as that sounds.”
Lukyan frowned. “I’m sure that’s not true.”
“It is. And that’s okay, I guess. Growing up, I was always told to quiet my crazy.
To be normal. Act like everyone else. I never did it.
Fuck what everyone thought. If I wanted to speak my mind and act like a fool, I was damn well going to do it.
But after my parents died, and Lev and I went to the orphanage, things changed.
Every day, without fail, Lev would tell me I was too much.
That my personality was putting us at risk.
That I had to ‘tone it down’. He had this plan, you see, and it required a level of control and seriousness I didn’t possess.
At least, not then. So, I buried that side of me.
Locked it up tight in a box in my mind and let it sit there for years.
” My eyes clashed with his, burning with emotion.
“Until I met you. You changed everything for me.”
“Me?” he whispered, ever so softly. The surprise in his voice was obvious. Like Lukyan couldn’t believe he was responsible for such a thing. Something so monumental and profound.
“Mm-hmm.” I finished the rest of my taco and wiped my mouth before depositing the napkin in the cardboard tray beside me.
“You made me realize that my crazy is a good thing. Not something to be criticized or looked down upon. That it makes me who I am. That I have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. That this was just the way I am, and that’s okay. ”
Lukyan’s eyes softened. He brushed a lock of hair out of my face, the gentleness of his fingers brushing against my skin making me shiver. “I know what it’s like being told to ‘tone it down’,” he said sadly. “It hurts. Especially when it’s coming from someone you love.”
“Yeah, it does,” I breathed out.
Lukyan’s thumb grazed my bottom lip, an almost entranced look on his face before he pulled back. “You’ve mentioned a few times that your brother has some plan that’s affected you while you were growing up. What is it?”
It took everything within me not to stiffen. “It doesn’t matter. I’ve decided I’m not helping him with it anymore.” There was no way I could. Not now. “He’s going to absolutely lose his shit when he finds out, but he’ll get over it.” At least, I hoped he would.
“Have you always had to do what he tells you to?”
“Kinda. Things at the orphanage weren’t bad, but they weren’t good either. He took the lead, and I followed. That dynamic rolled over into adulthood.”
“Do you wish it was different?”
Boy fucking did I. “I wish he would ask me, just ask instead of tell me. He says ‘jump’, and the only appropriate response is for me to ask ‘how high’. Never question him. And for the longest time, I didn’t.
I love my brother. He’s a good brother, but he struggled a lot with our father’s death.
It changed him. He was suffering, and all I wanted to do was make it better for him.
Make it easier. So, I did what he told me to.
I never let my crazy out. Over the last few years, it’s gotten harder and harder to do that—not having a voice or opinion on anything.
I want to be seen. For him to notice my skills and be satisfied with what I’ve done, instead of just critiquing the way I’ve done it. ”
Lukyan nodded, almost as if he understood exactly what I was saying. What I was feeling. “You’re overlooked.” There was no question in it. He said it as if he was stating pure fact.
“Yes.”
“He doesn’t see your potential. What you’re capable of.”
I sucked in a painful breath. “No, he doesn’t.”
Lukyan placed his hand on mine. The touch was light. Soft. Supportive. “What is it you want?”
Confusion wracked through me. “What do you mean?”
“In life,” he clarified. “What do you want in life?”
That was easy. “The same thing you want. To be loved and appreciated for who I am, flaws and all. I dream of a connection so strong that nothing can break it. To be wholeheartedly myself without judgment or worrying I’m being too much. I don’t want to have to hide myself from the people I love.”
He stared deep into my eyes, a different kind of tension vibrating between us. It wasn’t one fueled by sex or lust, but empathy. Something only someone who experienced the same thing could possibly understand.
He leaned forward and kissed me. It was a gentle kiss.
Filled with such raw emotion it took my breath away.
His tongue brushed against mine in the softest caress, sending shivers racing down my spine.
It was like a moment from a fairy tale, where everything finally came together and felt right. Perfect.
He pulled back to rest his forehead against mine. Blue eyes filled with warmth locked on me. “I would still love you if you were a worm.”