Chapter 34 #2
“Then don’t.” I moved closer until I was right there, right in front of him.
“Please don’t do this. Please don’t take him from me.
” I sobbed, turning into a complete blubbering mess.
“I am begging you. Begging you, Lev. Don’t make me choose between you and him.
Don’t put that on me. Just let him go. Let them all go and walk away from this.
” I never was a big crier, but at that moment, I could do nothing but cry.
Tears poured out of my eyes so much that I couldn’t stop them even if I wanted to. “Please. For me. Please.”
He smiled, and that was when I knew there would be no changing his mind. No matter what I said.
“Sorry, little sister.” Time slowed down, and I watched agonizingly as he began to squeeze his finger over the trigger—
I stabbed him in the side of the neck. The gun went off, but it was too late. Lukyan had wrestled out of his grip the moment I striked. Lev had been too preoccupied keeping an eye on my gun to notice my left hand behind my back—the one that had been gripping a knife.
Lev choked, coughing out blood. He looked at me, not only in shock but betrayal.
The betrayal. Oh, god, the betrayal in his eyes fucking killed me.
Lev began to fall. I darted forward and caught him before he could hit the ground.
“Hold your fire!” Lukyan roared.
I didn’t even bother looking to see what he was talking about. At that moment, I didn’t care.
I looked down at my brother, struggling to breathe, blood pouring out of the side of his neck, and I broke.
“I’m s-so sorry, Lev,” I sobbed, holding him tenderly.
“I didn’t want to do this. I-I—” The words got stuck in my throat, and I cried harder.
Memories flashed through my head like a scene from a movie.
Memories of him and me, laughing. Eating ice cream.
Staying up late at the orphanage, hiding under the blanket and playing shadow puppets with a torch.
Him, bumping his shoulder against mine and smiling.
Us running down the street to get away after we’d just stolen candy bars from a convenience store.
Him holding and comforting me after I’d woken up, screaming from a nightmare.
They all played, one after the other after the other, making the guilt over what I’d just done swallow me whole.
I sniffed, wiping the tears falling down my face with the back of my hand. “Please”—hiccup—“forgive me,” I begged. “I’m so sorry. I love you. I’m so, so sorry.” I tried to wrap my hands around the knife to apply pressure to the wound, but it was useless. There was too much blood.
Lev looked up at me, sucking in a harsh breath, only to cough up more blood. “I…” He swallowed thickly and reached for me. I moved my head closer until his hand touched my cheek and closed my eyes, sinking into his touch. “Will…never forgive you,” he growled out.
My eyes snapped open.
The hatred, the rage staring back at me was crippling.
“I…wish…Father had killed you.” His hand moved fast to my throat, and he started strangling me.
I whimpered. What was left of my heart shattered into a thousand tiny pieces. Impossible to ever mend.
Lukyan was there in an instant. He grabbed Lev’s hand and yanked it away from me, but in the end, it didn’t matter. The strength vanished from Lev almost immediately, and his whole body slumped.
He was dead.
Lev died, and he used what last strength he had left to try and kill me too.
Darkness crept into my mind. Into my soul. Into my heart. A paralyzing kind of darkness that, once it had me in its clutches, I knew would never let me go.
I had just killed the only person who had always been there for me. The only person who loved me. Protected me. Cared for me.
How could I do that? How could I betray him like that? He was right. I don’t deserve his forgiveness.
I sank deeper into the darkness. It surrounded me, suffocating me, and I let it. My mind, my body…I felt like I was drifting. Drowning.
“Lyla?” a voice so soft and nurturing called out to me.
I looked up from the dead body of my brother and locked eyes with Lukyan. He was watching me with apprehension. Fear. Worry.
Sadness.
There was sadness in his eyes.
The realization of what I had just done hit me like a ton of bricks.
I couldn’t take it.
I got up and ran.
“Lyla! Wait!”
I didn’t. I kept running.
Dozens of guns aimed my way. It didn’t slow me down. I had to get away. Escape what I’d done. I needed to run and never look back. Never let my sins catch up with me.
“Lower your weapons! Don’t shoot!” Lukyan called out from behind me.
I rushed past Aleksandr, Drea, and Nikolai on my left, Illayana and Arturo on my right. They let me go, their eyes following me as I ran away.
“Stop! Baby, stop! Just wait!”
I ignored Lukyan, jumping into one of the cars at the front of the property. The keys were still inside. I started the engine and shifted it into gear.
Lukyan’s hands slammed down on the hood of the car. He breathed heavily, eyes never leaving mine. “Wait. Don’t go. Stay with me. It’s okay. It will all be okay.”
A part of me appreciated his words. The fact that he was trying to comfort me. But another part—the part of me riddled with guilt and anguish—squashed it in an instant. “No, it’s not okay. And it never will be.” I punched my foot on the accelerator and went zooming backward.
“NO! Lyla!” Lukyan screamed.
I spun the wheel and sped off into the darkness.