Chapter 14 - Bianca
I know it’s wrong. The sensation feels both unwanted and foreign and spreads through me like hot lead, weighing down my limbs. I’m really not a jealous person, but the ugly green thing rears its head when the petite brunette closes in on Aleksei. It’s a harmless gesture , I try to convince myself. They could be friends, or merely associates. It doesn’t have to mean anything. But in the moment, it sends me into a spiral.
I never wanted to be here. It’s been two weeks that I’ve been taken to the Barkov mansion, my whole world being turned upside down. And now, I am feeding the embers of growing feelings that I don’t wish to feel. Can’t feel.
I pray silently that this means nothing, some kind of sick iteration of Stockholm Syndrome that will pass after all this is done. These feelings I hold for Aleksei pin me down sometimes, and though I hoped they would abate during the past week and a half spent from each other, they returned with a vengeance today. I felt them walking down those stairs, his heavy gaze on me. In the car, growing with each passing breath. And then in this damn hotel lobby, feeling his watchful stare in my periphery.
But it’s so damn wrong. I try to drill that into my brain, reminding myself to keep the emotional storm under tight reins. I can’t afford to get emotional now—not over this stupid farce of a marriage. It’s all a game, and I know that all of this done simply to aggravate and weaken my father. But despite knowing the facts, I find myself falling deeper into the web of the Barkov clan. It’s unnerving and feels frustratingly inevitable.
I’m nothing more than a means to an end. I must keep reminding myself of that, repeating it in my mind like a mantra lest I forget. The repeating grows more frantic and agitated the closer the unknown woman gets to Aleksei. She whispers something to him, making me realize just how little I know about the man I now call my husband. I know he’s out for blood, blood that courses through me, but that is about it. I have no knowledge of his likes, his dislikes, anything other that makes him human. I only know of him as the machine that thirsts for blood. It’s not enough.
The lights, albeit dim, appear now to be all too bright in my field of vision. There’s so much happening inside me now, a growing tempest, but I try to ground myself. It could also be… I try not to think about it too much, but these past few weeks have been getting to me. I haven’t gotten my period, but that could be due to the stress of everything going on. Everything going on. I repeat the phrase in my mind, giving myself a mental rundown. My first operation as head surgeon, going to Inferno with Gia, getting kidnapped and being forced to marry Aleksei … Okay, time to think about literally anything else before I start hyperventilating amongst a crowd of strangers.
My eyes scan around the sumptuous hotel lobby buzzing with energy, and I do my best to navigate through the crowd with a smile plastered on my face—a meager attempt at concealing the turmoil brewing within. But then the thought reappears again, causing all the pieces I painstakingly attempted to put together to crumble—I can’t be pregnant, the chances of that are extremely small. Yes—I did stop taking birth control when I was taken, but the countless visits to my OBGYN the previous years made sure to cement the fact that pregnancy would be nothing short of a miracle. Still, I file a mental note to buy a pregnancy test in the near future, if only to calm myself down.
My unease dampens when I almost bump into Grigor, his cold demeanor slicing through the air like a blade. His animosity towards me grounds me. Whether out of pure contempt for me as a person, or for the blood that courses through me, his gaze is filled with disdain. He retracts his hand with a hiss—the part of his body closest to me—like I’m an open fire, burning him. But it’s his words that cut the deepest.
“I saw you looking, Rossi .” He smiles a crooked smile. “That was Rosa,” her name sends a wave of uneasiness through me. “She’s Aleksei’s lover. You must’ve known, right? Unless you’re entirely stupid. It’s expected of a man like him to have a woman. Though, to be honest with you, I prefer her over you. She knows our business, understands it in a way you never could. And most importantly, she won’t betray us the first chance she gets, unlike you.”
There are still people around us, but the chatter of their small talk quietens down, my focus solely on his words. It’s like it’s just us two now, his sick, angry presence, and my cowering self. My heartbeat quickens. He advances towards me, that sick satisfaction still present on his face. To anyone else, it would seem like a cordial brother-in-law initiating conversation. To me, it was a death wish.
“So, my dear, make one wrong step.” Step. “And I promise you.” Step. “You’ll wish you’d never have been born at all. Cross my family and you will regret it.”
Then he sighs, as if he just unloaded himself of work gossip after a long day of labor. He raises his glass to me, cheering, before turning on his heel and making his way back into the crowd.
It’s odd, the multitude of things a few sentences can make you feel. A surge of jealousy travels through me, now having my suspicions confirmed. Trust your gut. That woman wasn’t just a friend, or a colleague. But there is also fear, rearing its ugly head. As much as I was unsafe when living with my father, that is the case here, too. People don’t want me here, and I can’t defend myself against a crime I haven’t even committed yet. One I will not commit.
I stumble away from where I’m standing, my mind reeling with Grigor’s words. Everything feels too heavy. Maybe we aren’t in love, but the truth of Aleksei’s infidelity hangs heavy in the night, poisoning the already musty air.
The limousine ride is quiet, much like the one earlier. The only audible sounds are those of the engine and the outside world, intermingled with my own deep sighs. I retreat into silence, as I always do when I lack words. Grigor’s warning—or more accurately, intimidation tactic—has worked, a fact that vexes me deeply.
About halfway through the ride, Aleksei begins questioning me, seemingly rediscovering his passion for speech as he quickly fires questions at me. I try to respond with a series of hums and shakes of my head, but eventually, my resolve breaks, and we begin arguing. It comes after my nth time repeating that nothing is wrong.
“Talk to me!” His sudden rise in volume startles me but also eggs me on. I want to tease him, make him hurt a little like he did to me in that hotel lobby. I don’t feel fear, but his piercing gaze and muscles tensing sends my pulse racing. Despite the anger radiating from him, I find myself drawn to his reactions, suddenly thirsting for his responses after days of avoiding him like the plague. The heat of his ire awakes a beast deep within me, one that is insatiable in wanting to trigger his raw display of emotion. I want him to care.
“ My God , Aleksei.” I retaliate. “I told you, it’s nothing .”
“Don’t lie to me, Bianca.” He snarls, the deep rumble of his voice sending shivers down my spine. “Tell me what is going on.” His voice fills the space with his low, guttural growl. The excitement flowing through my veins surges, so deeply in tune with him.
His stare makes me burn under his persistent scrutiny, and I relent, the truth falling from my lips, much like a reluctant confession. The excitement settles into a pensive, calmer sensation—something more vulnerable, too.
“That woman in the lobby, who is she to you?” I whisper, gazing at him to gauge his reaction. His face doesn’t betray much, eyes blinking as he prepares his words. I wish he didn’t have this effect on me. Even in the darkness of the limousine, only lit by faint lights overhead, he looks ravishing. His strong jaw, offset by the stubble on his jaw. His hollow cheeks grow more prominent as he grinds his jaw, the furrow in his brow deepening. He’s pensive when he answers.
“Is that really what you want to ask?” He growls out, surprisingly not angry, but something more akin to disappointed.
His response catches me off-guard, making me shuffle away from him. Aleksei reaches out to encase my hand with his, his eyes searching mine for answers. My hand sneaks its way out of his grasp, and I feel myself growing more and more frustrated. I know these feelings aren’t fair, but I can’t pretend like I am unaffected any longer. The annoyance I feel deepens at my own lack of composure. It seems like Aleksei feels frustrated too, though I can’t pinpoint if it’s because of my constant retraction from him or my question for him.
He leans in close to me, leaning on his right arm as his head descends so that he’s at eye level with me. His voice is low and sincere as he speaks, and there’s a quality to it that I haven’t heard before.
“Bianca,” his warm palm reaches my cheek, caressing it. “You’re the only one I want. I can’t imagine being with anyone else. You consume my entire being—my thoughts, my desires.” His eyes are locked on mine, genuine emotion shining through the intensity of the moment. “The woman back there, we used to have an arrangement long ago in the past. But that’s all gone now. I want you.”
He closes the distance, his lips meeting mine with passionate fervor. The now familiar sensation of a fire growing in my abdomen ignites, the brush of his lips sending shivers down my spine. He leans in more, deepening the kiss, and I lose myself in the scent and taste of him.
As we continue to kiss, I feel the heat emanating from his body envelop mine, a soft blanket of comfort in the sea of turmoil and confusion. His left hand grips at my thigh, grabbing and rubbing circles into the flesh as he advances higher. He makes it to my hip, before tracing the line of my jaw. He quickly swipes his thumb over my cheek, and it’s only then that I realize a few tears managed to fall when we were arguing.
“I don’t want you to cry, baby.” He gets so close, eyes glued to my lips. “I need you to talk to me next time.”
He looks entranced as he continues, looking like he’s memorizing the curves and peaks of my body. I’d usually feel flustered at this intense observation from anyone else, but it’s Aleksei. Everything feels so wrong, yet so right . What we have can’t be called love, but it’s also not anything I’ve come across before. I feel myself blooming under his gaze.
I gasp when he retracts, smiling when I notice his chest rapidly rising and falling with each ragged breath. He smiles a tender smile, patting his lap. I catch his meaning, shuffling towards him to maneuver myself onto his lap, straddling his thighs. I allow myself to sink deeper into my now undeniable feelings, wanting nothing more than to feel his chest against mine.
His breath mingles with mine, both our hearts racing. His brown eyes are hungry, a mirror image of what I feel inside, but we both stall. Waiting for the other
to make the first move. I’m brought back in time, to the mansion when the power outage hit, remembering just how vocal he was in needing me to initiate the contact, to be vocal about my need for him. My lips hover over his ear.
“I want you.” A quick sentence is all it takes to break the dam of everything we’ve been holding in.
We kiss again, but this time, I leverage my weight on top of Aleksei to press into him, feeling his hardening erection grind against my core. His hand rubs up and down my back, eventually settling over my ass, squeezing. My tongue teases his, responding to his fervent movements with my own. In this moment I want this—to breathe the same air as him. He tastes like the champagne we were drinking earlier in the evening; one I commit to memory. I’m leaning into the kiss more and more when I realize my body is grinding into his, causing a low growl to emanate from him.
My hands are ahead of me, already undoing the buttons on his dress shirt to explore the hard muscles hidden underneath. He responds immediately, tugging at the material of my dress to gather it at my waist, allowing for more flexibility to move around. He’s rutting his lips into me in a dizzying rhythm, humming into the kiss, before biting my lower lip. I pull my head back to look at him, his brown eyes glazed over with lust and need. His lips are red and swollen from the kissing, before he opens them to speak.
“Why did you stop?” He whispers, eyes now locked on my lips.
“Just to tease a little.” I retort with a smirk. His response is swift, his palm coming down to swat at my backside, prompting a hiss at the unexpected sting it brings. I feel myself clench at the pain, liking its shadow over my skin.
“Behave.” His command is stern, but he’s smiling too. I lean my forehead against his before connecting his lips with mine again.
His fingers are making their way towards my core at a gingerly pace, teasing. Giving back what I previously offered him. He prods at my slit through the fabric, stroking up and down languidly. It’s torturous, knowing he’s aware of what I want—w hat I need— but purposefully stalling in giving it to me. Finally, he pushes the soaked material aside, filling me to the brim with his thick fingers.
“Show me how you like it.” He breathes out, hand static. I claw at his skin for more stability and begin bouncing up and down slowly before finding a slow, steady rhythm.
“Just like that,” I whine, feeling him deeper and deeper with each bounce. He takes my mouth in his, swallowing the moans that I now let escape freely. I can feel myself getting closer to an orgasm, and he must feel it, too, because he curls his fingers in a way that makes me see stars.
“Fuck!” I shout, only half-aware of the grunts that he makes each time I grind down, getting dangerously close to his crotch again. I feel myself constrict, breaking into a thousand pieces as I come undone for him.
The moment of bliss doesn’t last long. My face is in the crook of his neck when I hear the commotion outside, the sound of gunshots echoing in the space between us. Someone is shooting outside. Someone is armed. I feel my body tense up, descending into fight or flight as every cell in my body screams at me to go. Get out of here. Get to safety. Get my child to safety.
Before I can fully lose myself in the chaos, Aleksei jolts me back to reality. He holds me tight against him, looking back to see if he can spot any movement through the dark-tinted windows. My heart races at an impossible pace as more adrenaline pumps into my system, reminding me that this is how life will be for us. We’ll always be a hair breath away from danger. The inevitability of everything makes my skin crawl.
Our eyes meet, his composed and mine no doubt crazed with panic.