Chapter 19 Kon
KON
Because I love you. The answer is just there, in my heart, waiting to emerge from my mouth.
I swallow it down.
“You said you missed having fun.” I nod towards the slide.
I did test it multiple times, and it’s fun. And safe. That second part is crucial for me.
“You said you didn’t have privacy.” I spread my hands to indicate that this is an interior room, without windows. No one can spy on her here.
Not even me, more’s the pity.
“And you said you loved reading but never got to choose your own books.” I sweep my gaze over the shelves. “I want you to have all those things. Fun. Privacy. Choice.”
Especially since the way she lost her virginity had none of those.
She gazes up at me like I’m a beautiful puzzle she doesn’t understand.
She’s so perfect, and so out of reach, even though she’s just a few steps away. Too good and sweet for me. But knowing there’s only a wall between her bedroom and mine as we sleep will be something. A solace.
“Kon, this is…” Words seem to fail her, and she buzzes with excitement, like it’s too much to contain.
Then it isn’t contained. She throws herself across the room and into my arms, which close around her instinctively when she embraces my chest.
“Thank you,” she chokes out. “This is amazing. The whole apartment, and this library, and everything. I can never thank you enough.”
She’s slight in my arms, and again, as usual, I’m a monster compared to this delicate girl. Despite her strength from gruelling hours of dancing, I feel like I could snap her far too easily.
I keep that thought in my mind as I allow myself—temporarily—to hold her.
To enjoy her small body against mine, and imagine for a moment that she’s mine to care for and love.
I imagine that she’ll be in my bed, recreating that night when she encouraged me to take from her in a way I never dreamed I’d want.
But this girl. If you’d told me I’d give up part of my apartment and arrange the design and build of an indoor slide and a library, I’d have laughed before I met Taylor. But her smile is everything to me.
“Kon…” She keeps holding me tight but lifts her head up. Then she pushes onto tiptoes, trying to close the gap between our faces.
Every reason I shouldn’t have Taylor flies from my head.
My cock thickens. My hand moves with infinite slowness up her slender back, and to her neck.
Her hair is in its customary bun, and my fingers itch to pull it down so it cascades over her shoulders.
So I can plunge my hands into it as I hold her head still and plunder her mouth with my tongue in a ravishing kiss that steals both our wits.
“What is it?” I murmur. My hand spans the whole of the back of her neck and the soft hairs at her nape tickle my thumb.
She licks her lips, and I suppress a groan.
I’m going to kiss her. I don’t know if I can stop myself. I need her so much.
Just a taste.
I’ll lower my head to hear what she says, that’s all. And if our breaths mingle, well. Unavoidable.
She’s all big blue eyes and glossy pink lips that are open in what I can’t see as anything but invitation.
“Do you ever think…” She trails off tentatively, but her hands rise to my shoulders, dragging me down. Or attempting to. She’s a strong little thing, but she’s tiny compared to me.
I let my head drop, so my mouth is only a couple of inches from hers.
“Of what?” I say hoarsely. Every instinct in me says she’s offering, and I should take.
That she’s mine.
“The night—”
Brrr!
The vibration from in my pocket is an unwelcome intrusion, and we both freeze.
The moment is broken. I straighten, and fuck. Fuck, that was close. Even before I pull my phone out, I know who it will be.
Beckenham.
“It’s your brother-in-law,” I say, but I have to clear my throat, because arousal has flooded every part of me.
“Better answer,” Taylor says. “I bet Payton has been calling me and wondering where I am.” There’s no bitterness in her words, but a twist of humour.
It’s closing the stable door after the horse has bolted, but I understand her sisters’ view. I don’t want to let Taylor out of my sight either.
“Beckenham, what can I do for you,” I answer the phone, and take a reluctant step backwards, releasing Taylor.
“Payton says Taylor should be back by now,” he barks. “She’s worried. Where’s Taylor?”
“You’re not her dad, and she’s an adult,” I say mildly.
“She’s a vulnerable young woman, and my sister-in-law, and my wife is concerned.”
My soul cracks. Right, yes. This is why it’s impossible between Taylor and me.
She’s half my age. She rightly hates Volk, and that mafia is tattooed onto my skin. She’s good and sweet and not for me.
“Now where is she? They said she went with you,” Beckenham says with an accusing tone that suggests I’ve kidnapped her.
Taylor has walked away and pulled out her phone, and is speaking into it.
“Payton, I’m okay,” I hear her insist. “I’m sorry I worried you. Yes, I’m with Kon.”
A pause.
“He’s giving me an apartment!”
Another pause.
“I know that, but he did it for all the ballerinas, and it’s so cute. Wait until you see it!” The excitement is back in her voice, and I smile.
“Find your wife,” I tell Beckenham. “I think you’re about to be invited over for a housewarming party.” I hang up on him, and make for the door. I vow I’ll stick to stalking her and watching from a distance.
But before I’ve taken more than two steps, Taylor has run up to me, and put her hand on my arm.
Despite the layers of fabric of my shirt and suit jacket, it’s a burn. Our eyes meet, her peeking up at me from under her lashes.
“Stay,” she mouths.
And I nod instinctively. Anything she wants.
I busy myself in the kitchen and in ten minutes, Taylor emerges from the slide-library room, a cautious smile on her face.
“Is it alright if Payton and Hayley come over and have a look?” she asks.
“It’s your apartment, or it will be,” I point out. “There’s some paperwork to sign.” I take from my pocket the front door key and elevator card and hold them out.
Her cheeks are rounded with her joy as she comes and picks them from my hand, her little fingers brushing my big, scarred palm and making my poor heart clench.
“Your keycard will access my floor as well as yours, because of the multiple levels in your apartment,” I explain. Total lie. Plausible, but the reason is that if she ever wants to visit me, I want nothing in the way. “We’re neighbours now.”
“If I need a jug of milk or a cup of sugar?” she says lightly.
“Or anything else.” I can’t help the slight emphasis I put on anything.
If you want to be mine. If you want to have a family, and be loved and adored, if you think you could put up with me holding you and telling you you’re my world, my life, my soul, every day. I’ll be just upstairs. Come over, anytime. I’ll be waiting.
However long it takes. Probably never.
“Hope it goes well with your sisters, zhizn moya.” And I leave before I bare my heart anymore. Before I break and claim the girl who I will never stop loving, and who can never be mine.
Besides, now I can watch her properly.