13. Emmalee
THIRTEEN
EMMALEE
Life lessons with Emma: Sometimes the dreams aren’t clear.
“I want to strangle you and hug you at the same time,” Diem says sitting in the chair across from me.
It’s good to be back in Haywood’s Landing, but if I’m being honest, it scares the shit out of me. I feel like I’ve changed too much. Do I fit in here again? How can I help these people understand, I never intended to hurt them.
Family is the core of everything. They know that and believe it too. I think that’s why everyone has been so kind to me as they have reached out. I did this for family. Right, wrong, or indifferent, my reasons behind everything I’ve done were in the name of the only family I had left. She’s gone and I don’t exactly know how to feel about it.
On one hand, she was my mother. My life-giver and she’s no more. Her life amounted to nothing. She mattered to no one beyond me. I can’t help but wonder how lonely it must have been to be her. No real connections in her whole existence left her sole focus to be money. I don’t ever want to be like her or my dad.
We’re at Wesson’s house and he’s on the couch beside me with an arm draped around my shoulders playing with the ends of my hair. We should talk about things, clear the air, but he hasn’t initiated that conversation and neither have I. What can I say? He is comforting, strong, and resilient. In all of this, he hasn’t shown me one ounce of bitterness, even though I repeatedly lied to him and hurt him. The man he is I will never find again in this lifetime. The pain he carries is one burden I wish to ease, if he will let me.
Diem and Colt came over once Wes gave the all clear. We took a few days in Florida together squaring things up from my life there. With all the tasks of having my mother cremated, cleaning out my room, and answering the questions we had to formally for the cops, there wasn’t true time for us. Upon our return to Haywood’s Landing, he allowed me to be here with him in a bubble for a couple of days telling everyone no to visiting. I’ve spoken to Diem. She has the truth now. While I know she’s wanting to be here the moment I walked in the door, this time to rest and reset has been necessary. I thank Wes for putting my needs above everything including his own. I’m ready now to live again and this time it be for me.
Really, I don’t think Wesson was ready to have company because it’s been nice the two of us, but his brother will do anything to keep Diem happy. When she got wind of what went down … well, I had some explaining to do. She seems to have processed all of it and has been chomping at the bit to see me.
While stayed in Florida a few days getting my life sorted, Karma, Hollis and Maritza also remained. They stayed for Maritza to get some IV antibiotics at the Sinister Sons clubhouse. By the time we got back, and I was coming down from the adrenaline rush. It felt like every Hellion alive was swooping in at the Oasis Inn. They truly did ride in for Wesson getting there not long after he got me back to my room.
My little hideaway was no longer a secret. The Inn that Stone immediately bought since my room was a crime scene, and the Sons take care of their own. Stone swears it wasn’t a purchase just to keep me from paying fees to the owners. He says he got a good deal and it’s a smart investment. I don’t know about that, but he told me not to worry about it. I think he’s more about keeping me out of trouble than either of us care to admit. He’s an ass to outsiders, but to the people around him, he’s got a different side. Whatever woman gets him will get a level of loyalty not found often in men today.
I think that is the biggest lesson all of this chaos has given me. There is no greater loyalty ever found over the level anyone in a motorcycle club has. I never thought of the Hellions as a gang. But I didn’t fully understand their life and the depth of the word family until now.
Since coming back, this is the part I have been most scared of … facing Diem and the lies I told.
Wes looks to Colt who gives Diem’s shoulder a squeeze where he stands behind her. “We talked about this babe. She thought she was protecting you and my brother. You would have done the same thing.”
Diem sighs before giving a nod. “I’m sorry, Emmalee. I hate that you went through this all alone. It hurts me that you didn’t let me in.”
I look down and then back up. “I wasn’t alone the whole time, I made friends in Florida. I thought if I told you then you would convince me to stay here. She was my mom, good or terrible, she was all I thought I had left. Turns out I had a place there with Stone and crew. But also, here. I just couldn’t think straight. Once I made the first move, I didn’t feel like I could stop.”
Wesson lets out a low growl and I pat his chest playfully. “Sons are affiliates, not friends.” He tries to clarify.
“Stop it. Stone was kind to me.” I defend and Colt lets out a whistle. “I consider him a friend, Wes.”
“Baby girl,” Wesson leans over his breath coming in hot against my ear, “no biker is ever kind for the sake of kindness. He wanted in your pants. He just hadn’t made a move yet since you worked for him.”
I gasp. He doesn’t let it go there. I don’t need to know what a man thinks about me, but Wesson is Wesson and lays it out.
“Can’t blame him. You got sweet pussy. Kinda snatch a man gets addicted to.” He kisses the spot on my neck just behind my ear, and then whispers, “wanna have another taste tonight.”
I feel the heat covering my face. “Wes, we have company.” In the rush of being alive and losing my mom, Wes and I did have some nights together both in Florida and since getting back here. While we haven’t had sex, he has indeed had a taste and enjoyed it. I’ve missed his touch more than I realized.
Diem is the one to laugh, “we’re family. He ain’t sayin’ anything Colt doesn’t say. As long as you two don’t start doing the dirty in front of us, we’re good.”
“You do that, I’m gonna have to take Diem to a room and that’s just another set of sheets to wash,” Colt jokes.
“Oh my God, y’all stop.” I tell them full on feeling myself blushing. I know Diem had sex before Colt. Me though, I don’t have that level of experience. I should probably share that with Wes, but again, it’s not something we have discussed.
Maybe that’s where this all went wrong. I haven’t shared enough with him.
“Alright, we’ll stop with the sex talk,” Diem concedes. “What’s next? You are coming back home for good right?”
I feel Wesson’s arm tighten around me. We haven’t talked about what is next. I know Diem is my best friend, but I wish to have this conversation with Wes first.
“What’s the dream, Emmalee? You’ve gone through so much in the last year, what do you see in your future?”
I shrug my shoulders. “I haven’t given it much thought.”
Diem gets a somber look, “please Emmalee, I’ve lost everything solid in my life. I gained a lot with Colt, yes, but I don’t want to be without my best friend, not like that ever again. This has been miserable not seeing you.”
“I’m not leaving, Diem. I have nowhere to go. I don’t know what comes next. I wanted so many things before and now it all seems out of reach or ridiculous. I have nothing. My mom had more debt than my dad, which is saying something. There is nothing to support myself to do anything other than get a job and chase a dollar.”
“We don’t have to talk about that,” Diem tries to shut it down thinking she’s upsetting me. “I want to know, no need to know, you won’t bail on me again. I want you close. We can get you through school. Whatever your dreams are, I’ll help you achieve them. Side-by-side that’s how we do things from now on.”
“It’s fine. My mom was as awful as my dad. It’s not like we were super close. Truth is I didn’t know them. The thing is my life was one way and none of it was real. I don’t know who I am or where I belong.”
Diem nods and I know she understands more than anyone after learning her parents weren’t even actually her parents. It’s an unusual reality to be an orphan. Time is the only thing that will help us both heal and come to terms with how mixed up our childhoods were.
“Our whole lives were lies. How am I supposed to know what to do next? How do I even do any of it without a college fund? I can’t finish school. I have three hundred dollars to my name.” I let out a huff.
It surprises me that Wesson and Colton don’t say anything. They are present but giving Diem and I a chance to talk through some of the things. It’s nice to get it off my chest, but still, it doesn’t change my situation.
I’m broke.
I’m homeless.
I have no future.
I have no job.
I have no clue what to even do.
“Emmalee, you’re the smartest person I know. We’ll figure this out. One day at a time. Look at all you did to survive this last year. You got in a car and went wherever the road took you. Taking things as they came. You found a job, a place to stay, and you were settling in. Here you already have the lay of the land so to speak.” Diem encourages. “I’m sure Wesson doesn’t mind if you stay with him. And finding a job won’t be too difficult. There are student loans to help, but you are so smart, I bet you can get scholarships to finish school.”
I want to shrink into the couch. I don’t know where things stand with Wes. Sure, he’s easy to be around. Yes, I’ve stayed here the last few nights since getting back. I don’t think a few nights is an automatic assumption I can live here until I’m on my feet again. I don’t want to fall into a false sense of security.
Diem moves on to lighter subjects and we pass the time as if I didn’t spend months at a time lying to her. That is real friendship.
It’s not long before I notice Colt give Wes a nod. I don’t have time to process it when Colt, takes Diem by the hand. “Come on, let’s give them some time.” Colt gives her a wink and I swear she melts as she stands and moves with him to the door. Colt hits the dimmer on the lights and locks the door as they exit.
I love the way he always looks out for Wes. It’s not that Wes can’t do those things for himself, but I love that he is surrounded by people who think through the little things they can do for him. I never have experienced that kind of family, love, or acceptance. No one has ever put thought into what might help me or hurt me.
I hear Diem giggle from outside and I sigh. This is something new. The brothers living separate. While I was away, Wes built his own house where before we all lived together in separate wings of sorts. Originally, I was excited to come home, and it be the four of us. Now, though, I like the privacy with Wes and the time alone.
Wesson shifts to lay back on the couch guiding me with him, my back to his front.
“Tell me your dreams,” he says as he begins to massage my shoulders, “from before. Take out all that has happened. When you were a little girl, what did you want to be when you grew up?”
“When I was five, I wanted to be an astronaut.” I moan as he works out a knot in my neck.
“I went to space camp once.” He counters.
I lean up twisting to look at him, “Really?”
He smiles his trademark Wesson smile, “No, not really. We couldn’t afford that even if I wanted to.”
I shift closer and press my lips to his.
“Why didn’t you give up on me?” I whisper against his mouth. “I can’t say I wouldn’t have moved on if the roles were reversed.” Being completely honest with him is hard, but I think it is necessary. I can’t say I would have held onto hope of reconciliation if he had done the things I did.
“Emmalee,” he tucks a piece of my hair behind my ear as he gently touches my face, “you don’t give up when it’s real. Baby girl, this is real.”
“You love me,” I tell him rather than ask.
“With all that I am and all that I’ll ever be.”
I kiss him again. “I was lost without you.”
“Makin’ me hard, baby girl.”
I slide up his torso more. “Don’t know much about what is to come. I know one thing though.”
“Yeah,” he says leaning up to kiss my nose softly.
“I wanna be with you. No reason to leave again. I want to see this through. In all the bad I’ve had; you have been this light I’ve clung too.”
The words barely leave my lips before he cups my face with both hands and pulls me to him devouring my mouth. I moan as his hands roam. I lift up for him to remove my shirt, thankful for the shelf bra built in leaving my breasts for him to cup immediately. Back down to him, I kiss his neck while he slides his hands down the back of my yoga pants squeezing my ass. I move to straddle him on the couch. He rocks my body against his. I feel his hard length press to my core, the fabric adding to the sweet friction. I grind down before he shifts sliding my pants and panties down over my ass. The cold air hitting my exposed skin makes me tremble. I move standing quickly to get rid of my clothing, leaning down to pull his shirt up and over his head.
Wesson slides down the couch as a sly smile plays across his face, “ride me baby girl.”
I look down and he’s still got his shorts and boxers on. Before I can ask him to take them off, his hands reach out to my thighs, grip them and pull me over his face.
He goes right in. Teeth to my pussy lips gently grazing as his tongue darts out between them lapping at my clit. With his hands on my ass, he rocks me against his face setting a rhythm I soon can’t deny. Carnal need takes over as he no longer holds my ass, and I am riding his face on my own. Lost in sensation I don’t notice he’s moved his hands to drop his shorts and boxers. My climax builds as he works me with his tongue. His hands grip my hips stopping my movements suddenly as he sucks hard sending me over the edge.
I cry out as he effortlessly lifts me from his face and down his torso.
“Don’t you stop this now,” I half beg and half demand.
“You’re ready,” he whispers before sliding his hand between us. His fingers sliding through my slick heat. His middle finger goes in first and then his ring finger. I can feel the way his index finger and pinky graze my pussy lips as he uses his thumb against my clit. “Ride me, baby girl. Ride my fingers.”
I’ve gone too long away from him. I’m needy for his touch.
I rock against them as he works in and out of me. With his free hand he pushes me back to sitting straight up on his hand fingering me. He cups my right breast tweaking the nipple as he pinches my clit with his thumb.
Once again, the orgasm washes over me.
“So wet,” he whispers. “Was trying to wait. Give you something special. Can’t wait anymore. I want you.”
“Please,” I whimper. “I want you, Wes.”
His hands push me down his body more as he slides back up the couch putting his head against the arm rest. I feel his hard cock between my legs. I’m throbbing with need.
He reaches between us; I feel him adjusting.
“Kiss me, baby girl.”
I do as he says my tongue dives into his mouth seeking contact at the same time, I feel him enter me. It’s slow as he stretches me. I have to break away from kissing him.
I open my eyes to see him staring at me.
“Most beautiful gift in the world.”
Needing to move I rise up and come back down on his shaft feeling deliciously full. “Wesson,” I almost whine.
“Emmalee Van Etten, you’re mine.”
“Yes, yours,” I confirm as he takes my hips guiding me once again.
This is everything and so much more.