Chapter 18
Alexandra
This wasn’t happening. This couldn’t be happening.
Give your dad a hug?
Was he serious or had he said that to throw her off balance? In the end it didn’t matter.
His arrogance shook her. The fact that he stood here with his chin up when he should have had his head bowed in shame. The fact that he’d forced his way into her place of business, into her life, when he’d walked away without a backward glance.
What was he doing here? What possible reason could he have for pursuing her like this after all this time?
She was so angry she was surprised that the windows didn’t shatter with the force of it.
The past churned inside her, threatening to swamp the control she kept over her emotions.
She was grateful for the years she’d dedicated to learning how to hide her feelings. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction of knowing how deeply his sudden reappearance affected her.
“I didn’t reply to your emails because I had nothing to say to you, and that hasn’t changed.”
“Maybe, but it’s been a while. I thought it was time we reconnected.”
“A while.” She stayed still. Stayed calm. “I last saw you when I was eleven years old. I’d say that’s more than a while.”
“Yeah, so maybe time has slipped past a bit, but all the more reason to fix that now.”
She’d learned the advantage of silence in a conversation and she used it now.
He waited, and when she didn’t respond he frowned slightly, as if he was trying to reconcile this self-contained woman with the sobbing child he’d left behind.
“I mean, family is family, right?” He gave a dismissive shrug. “You’re still my child.”
Anger raced through her, driven by the deep pain she felt and also her sense of injustice.
She remembered the day Abby was born. Her child.
She’d been devoured by love. Filled to the brim with it.
And it had shaken her, because she hadn’t known it was possible to feel so intensely.
She’d been desperate to do everything right, to be the perfect mother, and even though she knew that wasn’t possible because of course all parents made mistakes, she also knew that she would never knowingly bring harm to her daughter, that she would die for her child if necessary, and she’d wondered what her father had lacked that he hadn’t felt the same visceral protectiveness towards her.
Those feelings came back to her now. “You’re not my family.”
“Yeah, I am. I messed a few things up back then—I’m willing to admit that.” He eyed her, expecting at least an acknowledgment of that admission. “I made a few mistakes. But it was a long time ago. What happened between us—water under the bridge. Time to move on. Put it behind us.”
Water under the bridge.
The words jarred because for her the love she felt for her child was more like a river bursting its banks. It flooded into every part of her and filled every crack. There were times when it felt deep enough to drown her. It would never flow comfortably under a bridge.
She thought of her poor mother, her gentle and loving mother, hurting both physically and mentally.
She thought about the days and nights that she’d spent caring for her, trying desperately to put back together the pieces that he’d broken, scared of what lay ahead of them and the weight on her shoulders.
She remembered the devastation and disbelief that her father, her hero, had done this.
It had been beyond the comprehension of a girl who still believed in fairy tales and happy endings.
Who believed that love was about sticking together through thick and thin.
But she was older now, and life had made her wiser.
What did a blood connection excuse? How much were you supposed to forgive before you said no more?
Giving herself permission to finally move on she broke that connection, snipping through those wires as if defusing a bomb.
“I’m still not clear why you’re here, but let me clarify what I believe you’ve already been told by my very capable lawyers—I won’t be selling this hotel. Not now. Not ever. We have nothing more to say to each other.”
“And that being the case, I think we’re done here.” Evie stepped forward decisively and for a moment he was distracted.
“And who are you?”
“I’m the general manager of the hotel. And I’d like you to leave.
” Evie was poised and calm and Alexandra felt a flicker of surprise and also admiration.
She’d seen gentle when she first arrived but now she saw steel.
And she was grateful for it. Another layer stepping between her and the past. Another barrier. She’d gladly take them all.
“That’s not your decision. This isn’t professional, it’s personal.” He turned back to Alexandra. “I’m your dad. You at least owe me a conversation.”
“I owe you nothing.” She was dimly aware of Evie moving to her desk and making a call, her voice a quiet murmur in the background.
“Maybe you don’t want anything to do with me, but I have a right to get to know my granddaughter.”
Something sparked inside her.
“You have no rights. And why would you want to? It’s a little late for emotional reunions, don’t you think?”
“That isn’t your decision to make, is it, Lexy? She’s an adult. She can decide.” He turned to Abby. “I bet your mother hasn’t told you much about me, has she? We’ll have to remedy that. You’ve got your grandmother’s eyes.”
That was the comment that broke her. Hearing him talk so casually about her beloved mother was too much for her selfcontrol.
She didn’t want to feel this way.
She didn’t want him to be able to affect her like this.
He was nothing, and yet she was responding as if he was something.
Was it because for the first few years she’d dreamed of this exact scenario?
Dreamed of him walking through the door he’d walked out of without a backward glance and saying he was sorry.
Making it up to them. Reforming the family he’d left shattered and bent out of shape.
Even when she’d long decided she would never forgive him even if he did show up, she’d kept up the pretence for her mother.
Night after night her mother had sobbed, he’s going to come back.
One day he’ll come back, and Alexandra had held her and soothed and said yes of course he will, because that was what her mother had needed to hear.
When she’d died, a part of Alexandra had died, too.
She’d hoped he would attend the funeral because there were things she wanted to say to him, but of course he hadn’t.
He’d been no more present in death than he’d been in life.
And yet here he was.
She felt something falter inside her. She had no doubts about her own feelings, but it was true that technically he was Abby’s family.
Also true that Alexandra had never discussed him with her daughter apart from delivering the bare facts of his betrayal.
He’d demonstrated clearly that she had no place in his life so she’d been careful not to allow him a place in hers.
But Abby was an adult now. Lately she’d been asking a great number of questions about her past. There was a chance she would welcome the opportunity to learn more now that she knew she had a grandfather living.
Horror sank its claws into her. Was that what would happen? If so, she’d be forced to support Abby’s choice because there was nothing she wouldn’t do for her daughter, even when the idea of it half killed her.
But if Abby was feeling even a flicker of sentiment, it didn’t show.
Instead she crossed the room and stood next to her mother.
“You’re wrong if you think I don’t know about you.
” Her voice was steady. “I know you left my mother when she was eleven years old and never got in touch again. I know you’ve been hanging around this place and lying to the staff about who you are.
I don’t need to know more than that. You’re not someone I want, or need, in my life. ”
Alexandra felt a rush of emotion and knew she needed him gone. She couldn’t hold it together for much longer.
“What do you want, really? Why are you here?”
He paused and then gave a little shrug. “I’m having a bit of a downturn in business as it happens. The economy isn’t what it was. You seem to be doing brilliantly. You have an eye for a deal. Thought we could have a chat.”
She almost laughed.
Money. Of course. He was here because he wanted money. That should have been the first thing that came to mind when she’d been searching for a reason for his persistence.
“I see. So this emotional reunion isn’t about sentiment, it’s about finance.”
It was a relief. That unsettling moment where she’d been afraid she might break down passed. This was business, and she was comfortable with business.
“I do have an eye for a deal. And I won’t be doing a deal with you.”
The door opened and Alexandra glanced across the room, desperately hoping that it was security.
Edward stood there and her heart gave an extra bump.
Edward.
Just when she thought she had her emotions back under control, this happened.
It was too much for one day.
His gaze met hers briefly but then shifted to her father who was frowning.
“Now what?”
“I’m here to escort you from the premises.”
“I don’t need escorting. I know my way out.” He frowned at Alexandra. “I’m your dad. You owe me.”
“I owe you nothing.”
“This is all because you bear a grudge because I left you?”
“No.” She could hardly speak. “I stopped caring about that a long time ago. I stopped caring about you. But I didn’t forget, I can never forget, what you did to my mother.”
“Look, you were a kid. I don’t expect you to understand, but it was tough after her accident. Tough on me, too. She needed almost fulltime care, and—”
“Accident? Accident?” Alexandra lost the last of her cool and he looked startled.
“Of course it was an accident. She was hit by a car.”
“A car that you were driving.”
He rocked on his feet, as if he’d taken a blow. “I don’t know what—”
“You didn’t know that I knew? I’ve always known.
I saw it happen. She begged me not to tell anyone and I honoured that for her sake, but I always knew.
I know all of it. I know that she ran out to beg you not to take the car when you’d been drinking but you were already past paying attention.
I know that you hit her with that car, and you drove off without even knowing she was tangled under the wheels.
” She had to pause to breathe and to push aside memories she’d worked hard to bury.
For years she’d had flashbacks and for a brief moment the horror of that moment returned, along with the awful feeling of helplessness.
“I was the one who called the ambulance. I was the one who went to the hospital with her. And I was the one who pretended not to know what had happened even though I saw it all from my bedroom window.”
His gaze shifted away from hers. “It was a tragic accident.”
It took all her willpower not to strike him.
“Drunk driving is not a tragic accident. It’s a serious crime.
And you had to face what you’d done every day, didn’t you?
First we thought she was going to die, and then when she didn’t die you had to face the fact that she was going to need longterm care and that shattered her because the life she’d known was over.
And you were the one who had taken it from her.
” And he’d taken it from her, too, because her childhood had ended on that night.
“The least you could have done was stayed and cared and loved her despite everything—in sickness and in health, right? But you couldn’t stand it, could you? So you left.”
She was dimly aware of Abby putting an arm round her. Dimly aware that her daughter was holding her. Supporting her.
Normally she would have hated the idea that she needed support from anyone, but she knew she needed it now if she was to finish this.
And she needed to finish it.
She lifted her chin and looked her father in the eye.
“You wrecked her life physically and then you walked out and wrecked her mentally. So don’t ever tell me that I owe you anything, and don’t try and pretend that we are anything other than two people who once had the misfortune to cross paths.
Now get out of my hotel, and if you come near my daughter again, or near me, or any of my properties or the team who work here, I’ll be getting the police involved. And this time I won’t hesitate.”
Her father stepped forward but Edward moved quickly, inserting himself between the two of them, his broad shoulders blocking her view of the man who had cast such a long shadow over her life.
“The door is behind you,” he said. “And you’re going to walk through it.”
He gave her father no choice in the matter and then the man she hadn’t set eyes on for decades slunk out of the office without a backward glance, the same way he’d slunk away from her all those years before.
He hadn’t looked back then, either.
The door closed and Alexandra felt something wash out of her. Some long-held stress. There had been so many things unsaid but now they’d been said and she felt, finally, as if something ugly that had been trapped inside her had finally burned itself out.
“Mom, you need to sit down. Evie—can you grab a chair—” Abby was holding her, guiding her, and then she was sitting and Abby was on her knees beside her, chafing her hands.
“I’m sorry—” Alexandra forced the words out. “I didn’t want you to witness that.”
“Why? None of this is your fault.” There were tears on Abby’s cheeks. “I didn’t know. You didn’t tell me that he caused—”
“I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want you to have to carry any of that.” Alexandra closed her eyes, trying to drag herself back from the past to the present. “I would appreciate a glass of water.”
One was pressed into her hand, and she took a shaky sip and then let her daughter take the glass.
“There’s a lot I haven’t told you.”
“Yes. And it’s okay. I know now, and—”
“No. There’s a lot I still haven’t told you.” And it was time. If she could summon the energy, then this was the right time.
“Oh—” Abby put the glass down on the desk. “You don’t have to tell me anything you don’t want to.”
“Yes, I do. I probably should have done it before. I thought I was protecting you, but maybe I was protecting myself. I’m not even sure anymore.” The room was swirling. “I’m not feeling too good. I didn’t sleep on the flight and I think maybe—”
“It’s okay, Mom. I’ve got you.” Abby’s arms came around her and held her tightly. “I’ve got you.”