11. Blake #2
Kane isn’t just a vision in a delicately masculine way, he lives and breathes biking, something that lights him up from the inside. That enthusiasm is highly appealing, so much so it makes me wonder if I was off base earlier when I thought Deacon might be trying to flirt with him.
I don’t like that one bit.
But there’s not a damn thing I can do about it unless I want to risk things with Jace. Or come out in the worst possible way. How is this my life right now?
A few weeks ago, I felt grateful for the experience of meeting and sleeping with each one of these incredible men. Separately. Now, I’m wondering how much it will hurt Kane to find out I’ve chosen Jace.
Wait a minute . He won’t even know that, because no one does. No one will unless I come out of the closet, which I’ll do if things with Jace keep going the way they are. Until then, Kane’s probably going to think I just don’t want him , which makes me sort of sick to my stomach.
Maybe being lonely was better, or at least it was less complicated.
Once we’re done eating, Deacon heads off to The Underground, scouting for a hookup no doubt, although he promises to keep an eye out for Ryder since I’m sort of working.
I’ve barely seen my childhood best friend over the last week or so since my personal and professional life have suddenly become complicated, and I feel pretty shitty about that since his life came to a screeching halt about the same time.
I feel even shittier about the fact Ryder still has no idea I’m gay, and while no one from this town does, I have a feeling that revelation will be especially hard for Ryder to swallow.
The one thing Ryder loves—loved—most in this world was his brother.
It’s fair to assume Ryder’s unconditional love for his brother would extend to me, and I suspect when he learns I didn’t tell him about my sexuality he’ll take it as a sign I didn’t trust him, even though I had no way of knowing just how accepting he would be several years ago.
Just thinking about that conversation turns my stomach.
Still, it’s clear Ryder is hurting, and despite the fact we’ve drifted apart, he remains one of my closest friends. I make a mental note to check on him as soon as possible to see how he’s doing without his brother as I settle the bill.
Outside, Kane and I make our way to the bus stop—the one he needs to head back to the resort is a different line than the one that goes to my house—and I’m hoping being on separate routes will make this a quick goodbye.
“You know which bus to take back to the resort, right?” I ask him as we take seats on a bench to wait.
“I do, although I was sort of thinking I didn’t have to go there right away.” He bites his lip in the most adorable way, and I have to grip the slats on the seat beneath me to keep from leaning toward him and taking it between my teeth.
Bracing for the worst, I take a cautious breath, which is probably the worst thing I could do.
“You don’t feel the same.” His chest deflates as his gaze drops to the ground. Shit .
Knowing it’s a risk, I loosen my grip on the bench and stretch my arm out, brushing my fingertips under his chin so he has to lift his head and meet my eyes. Once he does, I drop my hand.
“Please don’t think that. It’s just… you’re my boss now, and I want this job as much as you do. I don’t want to cross any lines that shouldn’t be crossed.” At least that’s partly true.
“Didn’t we already do that?” he whispers .
“We could make that argument, but I’m not sure we should.
We both have a lot riding on our jobs.” The fact that our mutual boss, Carter, is dating a man who used to work for him could come back to bite me since it suggests workplace romances are okay, but he is the friggin’ owner of the resort and I’m not.
That’s what I’ll say if Kane calls me on it.
“I guess that makes sense.” Kane’s shoulder rises listlessly. “And since we pretended to be strangers earlier today it would be awkward to try to explain we had a prior…whatever it was.”
“Yeah, we sort of backed ourselves into the corner with that. We should probably make talking about our sexuality off-limits too. I mean, that’s not typically something you cover with your new boss day one.” My laugh is just as humorless as it sounds.
“True.” He sighs heavily.
I’m both relieved and disappointed he’s agreeing with me, but since I’ve already made a commitment to Jace this is the right thing to do. Still, I can’t let him think that night wasn’t important to me.
“It was incredible, Kane. One of the best nights of my life. Please don’t let the conflict we have now taint the memory of what we shared then.”
“Um, wow. That was sort of beautiful.” He blinks wide blue eyes up at me. It makes me feel even more like shit, especially since I glossed over the part about not being out, but this isn’t the time for that conversation.
“See you at work tomorrow?” I give him a hand to help him rise as his bus pulls up to the stop.
“Deal.” He takes it with a brave smile, then climbs inside without looking back.
For the first time since Carter offered me this gig, I’m not looking forward to it.