12. Jace #2
Being bisexual, I can totally see myself being in a relationship with a man while sleeping with the occasional woman, or vice versa.
With my partner’s permission of course. Yet, now that Blake’s bumped into a former lover, one he clearly still has an interest in, I’m re-thinking that.
I find myself a little bothered by the idea of Blake with another guy.
I don’t know if that’s because it’s another guy , or because I don’t really have a desire to be with anyone but him. At least not at the moment.
I get that my feelings probably don’t make much sense, but after years of living a free-spirited life, relationships are new to me.
And my definition probably doesn’t fit a traditional mold seeing as how I’ve seen and even participated in poly relationships.
But now that I’m faced with a scenario where I might have to share my new boyfriend with someone else…
Hold up.
Blake told me before I left that he’s only ever wanted something more with me and one other guy. If he’s not denying he was tempted to sleep with whoever his new boss is… That must be the one other guy.
Shit . People say relationships are complicated, but I thought it’d take longer to get to the complicated part.
Twisting so I can see him, I brace an elbow on the back of the couch. “So, we said we’d see how things go with us… How do you want them to go?”
The crease in his brow tells me he’s worried, and despite feeling confused, I reach for his hand.
“I want them to get going.” Blake stares intently at our linked fingers. “I don’t want to screw things up because my former lover suddenly lives here.”
“Lover, or someone you could love?” I ask softly.
He gnaws the inside of his lip with his teeth before speaking.
“Honestly, I think it could go either way. He’s pretty cool.
Hot. The kind of guy I’d want to get serious with if.
.. But he’s also now my boss, and even if he’s the kind of guy I could love, I’m with you.
” He finally looks me in the eye, and even though I know this man showing up has Blake rattled, the way he holds my gaze tells me he’s serious about us.
I don’t have the words to tell him how much I appreciate his honesty. All I know is, I owe him the same in return, even if it takes us down a path I’m not sure I want to follow. “I know you’re with me, but I don’t know if that means you can’t be with him.”
My comment lingers in the air a beat before Blake finally speaks. “What are you saying? ”
“You told me even before he came to town that he’s the one other person you were interested in, and since things are so new for us, it seems unfair to ask you to make a commitment to me. To us.”
Blake sucks in a mouthful of air. “Is that what you want?”
“No.” I brush my thumb over the back of his hand. “But if the one person I thought about more with suddenly appeared in front of me, I don’t know how I’d feel. I never really operated under the assumption that I’d have to choose between people I like.”
“You never wanted a relationship?” His tone isn’t defensive, just curious.
“I never thought a relationship had to fit a certain definition, like only involving two people.”
“You’re telling me I should date both of you?” His brows disappear underneath his disheveled hair.
“I’m saying I understand that you might feel pulled toward two different people. I’ll respect it if you want to see this guy, too.”
Exhaling heavily, Blake watches my finger, which is still moving slowly over his hand.
“Look, I won’t deny that seeing him threw me, especially since I think I’d want something with him under different circumstances.
But I have always assumed relationships are between two people, and everything about you and I feels right.
I don’t want it to end before it starts, and I can’t think of a better way to screw this up than to try to date someone else while I’m with you. ”
Selfishly, that’s what I wanted him to say. I need him to be positive though, considering he’s a big part of the reason I’m going to try living in this town. The most important part. “Is that because you want to be with just me, or you think that’s the easier decision?”
Blake’s nostrils flare as he pins me with a determined frown. “I don’t want easy, I want real, whatever that looks like. And this—” he draws a line between the two of us with his free hand “—feels real. I can’t explain why that is when it happened so fast…”
“It is real,” I growl, yanking him to me so I can press my lips to his. “That’s the only explanation. Now, get dressed and help me move into my new bedroom.”
Taking charge lets me mask the relief I feel over not having to share Blake with anyone else, and as an added bonus he seems to like it. Yet hours later, as we drift off, I can’t help wondering if we’re destined to fail.
I don’t doubt Blake when he says he’s focused on the two of us. He clearly believes it. I just wonder if he’ll feel the same after working next to this man day after day.