17. Jace #2
Scooting closer, I nudge Blake to his side and press against him, draping my arm over his waist. “Let’s stop trying to solve everything after one night. We’ll figure it out as we go, right?” I repeat the mantra we’ve been living by since we first decided to give this thing a shot.
“Right.” He relaxes into me, drifting to sleep while I hold him tight. And even though deep down I know I’m where I’m supposed to be, I’m more certain than ever that Kane is supposed to be here with us.
** *
The next morning, Blake is his usual laid-back self, and after giving him a proper wake up I send him off to work feeling confident that he’s on board with living in the moment instead of stressing about the ‘what ifs.’ At least, I hope he is, because I have to concentrate on my own ‘what ifs.’
I told Axel I’d help him out with his training camp idea, but I’m not sure that’s the best career move for me. First off, only part of the job would involve filming. Second, it’s a job, and I’m not sure I want one of those. Not when I could have my own gig.
Talking to Blake and Kane about the trails we want to explore, I realized there’s probably a ton of terrain that'd be great for filming, and guys who merely pass through here—like I did last month—don’t really know where that terrain is.
If I live here, and have the opportunity to fully explore the place, I’ll be the guy who knows where the best spots are, and I could be the local expert.
Whether that means consulting with other film crews or doing the filming myself, I could build something that keeps me outside instead of behind a desk.
And the best part is, I could do that year-round, because snowsports have just as much need for video as bike sports.
I have a lot of thinking to do before I move forward with something like that, but ever since the idea popped into my mind at dinner last night, I keep coming back to it. I’m taking that as a sign the idea has merit.
Another sign – shit.
I don’t know if it’s the thin air at this altitude or my subconscious telling me I’m ready for a change, but the longer I’m here the more signs I see, and since they’re all pointing in a direction I’m happy to go, I guess I’ll keep paying attention to them.
Unfortunately, following my signs means for the first time in my life my path might not be the same one as Axel’s. I always figured that would happen eventually, though it’s coming sooner than expected. In my mind we’d be working together until forty at least, and we’re not even thirty.
I suppose even if I do pursue my own thing, I could still partner with Axel on some aspects of his gig. Maybe that would make our paths separate yet parallel instead of completely divergent. I could spend a day or two a week working his camps, and the rest of the time on my own projects.
Either way, I’ll still help Axel get his venture off the ground. After that, well, we’ll cross that bridge when we get there. For now, I’ll just concentrate on making his vision a reality, since I’ve got a lot more thinking and prep work to do before I attempt to put any of my ideas into motion.
“Who’s the contractor you got to build the track?” I ask Axel as the two of us look over the plans he picked up this morning.
“Lennon’s friend Cade. He gave me a bro deal.”
“What sort of deal?” I cast him a sideways glance. Bro deals can be epic or awful. Sometimes the favor is genuine, and comes scot-free. Others, they come with a hidden I owe you.
“Cade gets lifetime access to the track when it isn’t in use in exchange for building it.” He lowers the blueprints just enough that he can peer over the top of them, I’m assuming so he can picture what’s on the paper in the space in front of him.
“And that’s a good deal because?”
“He’s got all sorts of equipment to build and maintain the track, so it’ll save a ton of money up front.”
“That doesn’t sound too bad.” I relax my shoulders a bit, knowing Axel didn’t just make a colossal error in his excitement to get things going .
“Gotta love small towns.” He grins. “No way you can make a deal like this in a big city.”
“Sounds like you’re really loving it here?” I lean against the wall of the barn—arena—and watch him spin around to orient himself. It’s sort of amusing to watch him try to match a 2D image with a 3D space.
“What’s not to love? The trails are epic, the people are cool, and Lennon’s here. Speaking of people.” He turns to look at me over his shoulder. “Some of them are saying that they saw a strange car parked at your place last night.”
“Don’t tell me you’re into small town gossip now.” I deflect, taking a page from his book when he first met Lennon.
“Just cause I don’t spread it doesn’t mean I don’t hear it. Who spent the night?” He pins me with a look that says gotcha .
“A friend. And he didn’t spend the night. He was just there to hang out.”
“By hang out you mean fuck?” Axel’s wry grin is a reminder that he knows me all too well.
“Your words, not mine.”
“Are you saying the three of you had a nice platonic evening together?” When I don’t respond he continues, “What’d your boyfriend have to say about that?”
“He didn’t object, if that’s what you’re asking.”
Axel arches a brow. “Blake doesn’t object to you fucking his new boss?”
“He knows Kane and I have a history.” I chew on my lip, debating how much to say before concluding I’ve probably got a green light since Axel already knows about Blake. “Blake’s got his own history with him, too.”
That gets Axel’s attention. His hands drop to his side, crinkling the plans against his legs as he looks at me with wide eyes. “ No shit? I guess that sort of explains why Blake didn’t totally object, but sleeping with anyone who isn’t your boyfriend still sounds like playing with fire to me.”
“Playing with fire, how?”
“You’ve heard of love triangles, right?” Axel deadpans.
“You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“Isn’t it? How long do you think you’ll have a boyfriend if you’re fucking another guy on the side. Even if Blake knows about it, knows you two have history, you think he’s gonna turn a blind eye to that shit forever? Like I said, playing with fire.” Axel goes back to trying to decipher the plans.
“It’s not so risky if the three of us are together.” I shrug with more confidence than I feel considering I just volunteered information about the unlikely intersection of my past and present.
“You could’ve just said you had a threesome.” Axel looks up long enough to roll his eyes at me.
“That implies the focus is on sex.”
“It’s not?”
“Not long term.”
“Not long…” Axel’s brows disappear beneath his hair. “The three of you… You mean, like you all date each other?” His brows draw together, but his expression is one of confusion, not disgust.
“Eventually. Right now, just Blake and I are dating, but we’re hoping to date Kane if he’s up for it.”
Axel’s expression doesn’t change. I didn’t expect it to since he’s always supported me a hundred percent, but it’s still nice to see. “No more hiding, then? Blake’s out?”
“Not yet.” I shake my head. “Blake’s still got some concerns, not just the working with kids thing, that he has to come to terms with before we go public. Plus, we don’t want to overwhelm Kane with relationship talk, so we’re just hanging out casually for now.”
Axel scratches the bridge of his nose, almost as if he’s stalling to search for the best way to object. “You mean you want Kane to be part of a trio when he doesn’t know you and Blake are a duo?”
I flex my jaw defensively, ready to retort, though I have to admit hearing it phrased that way sounds pretty bad. How do I explain that it’s not what he thinks?
“Yeah, it sounds shitty. I’ll give you that. It’s not meant to be, though. Blake and I both really like him, and we want him to be with us. This lifestyle won’t be easy, so we’re trying to work up to the dating part.”
“By fucking?” He arches a brow.
“Like you didn’t start off just fucking Lennon before you fell for him?” I match his look.
Axel closes his eyes and lets out a heavy breath.
“Fair enough. But you yourself just said this lifestyle is hard, and your boyfriend is still in the closet. If he won’t come out for you, what makes you think he’d come out for you and Kane?
And what happens when Kane finds out you haven’t told him the truth? ”
All valid points, which I’m trying not to dwell on myself. But there’s no denying the potential for one or more of us to get hurt if we aren’t on the same page. I only hope we’re working toward that by first exploring the physical, which like I said, worked pretty well for Axel.
“I know it’s not ideal, but I’m balancing things the best way I know how.
” I pop my jaw. “I’ve been the third before.
No matter how much the other two try to convince you otherwise, you still search for ways to make sure you fit rather than just being yourself, and I don’t want Kane to go through that.
I don’t want him questioning his place with me and Blake. ”
Axel drops his hands to his sides, the plans all but forgotten.
“That makes sense in a really roundabout way, but it’s still being less than honest to a person you want to have something serious with.
And I know I’m not exactly an expert since Lennon’s my first relationship, but I can’t help thinking these secrets could really burn you, Jace.
Don’t fool yourself into thinking they won’t.
” Axel shakes his head, a solemn warning. “Are they worth it?”
“Yeah.” I let my head fall back against the wall. “Yeah, I think they are.”
“Okay.” He sighs, nodding his head slowly. “Okay, I’ve got your back. How can I help?”
“For now, just don’t say anything. The three of us have some shit to work out, and it’d be a whole lot easier to do it ourselves minus whatever gossip might be going around.”
“Blake’s trying to make his new roommate and new boss feel comfortable in a new town. Got it.”
“Thank you.” A weight I didn’t realize I’d been carrying lifts off my shoulders. For all of three seconds.
“Do they make beds that big?” Axel’s head tilts to the side, pondering.
“ What? ”
“You’re three grown men. I mean, Kane’s a little on the shorter side, but still. Lennon and I can take up a full king. How the fuck do the three of you fit on one bed?”
“We fit,” I insist, just to shut him up.
“Who goes where? Do you take turns in the middle? And what if the middle person has to take a piss during the night? They’d have to climb over someone. ”
“You heard the part where I said we’re not dating yet, right? As in, sleeping arrangements haven’t been established.”
“Pfft.” He waves a dismissive hand. “I’m pretty sure this issue will come up day one, so you should think about… Oh shit. Who gets to ride shotgun? They don’t make cars with those giant bench seats anymore. Somone has to be the child that sits in the back.”
“Dick.” I shove Axel’s shoulder as he cracks up laughing, but I can’t stop myself from joining in and wishing, if the three of us become a reality, everyone accepts us as well as Axel has.