25. Blake
Chapter twenty-five
Blake
I hang up the phone and give my head a shake to clear it. “I guess high school me wasn’t as good at pretending that I didn’t notice guys as I thought I was.”
“Captain America was your favorite, wasn’t he? I can see a little boy scout underneath the rugged bike guy thing you’ve got going on.” For the first time since Kane left, Jace almost smiles. “And you’ve got his square jaw underneath that stubble.”
“You think I look like Chris Evans?” That almost makes me smile myself. Almost . “I can’t complain about that. I don’t think I’ve got a boy scout quality, though. Not after the way I handled things.”
I love Jace for wanting to share the blame, but when it comes down to it I’m the one who was reluctant to come out, so I’m the one that may have just cost us our shot at happiness with Kane. Maybe even with the two of us.
Jace and I may have made promises to each other about staying together regardless of what happens with him, but that was before we got glimpses of how epic things could be with the three of us.
I can’t unsee how perfect that future looked, so even if losing Kane doesn’t tear Jace and I apart, there will always be a void where Kane should be .
Please let us be able to fix this.
“Okay, first, we both screwed up, so stop insisting it’s all your fault.
And second, we said from the beginning no matter what happens with Kane the two of us are in this.
That hasn’t changed for me. I love you, and I’ll love you no matter where we go from here.
” Jace’s gaze holds mine hostage, daring me to object. “Are you with me?”
“Yeah.” I try to smile, though I’m pretty sure it wobbles. “I’m with you.”
“Good. Now, instead of getting hung up on how we both fucked up, let's figure out how to fix it.” Jace chews on his lip for a moment before nudging me with an elbow. “Think your mom would have any ideas?”
That snaps me out of my funk. “My Mom ? Why the hell do you think she’d have any ideas?”
“She made that comment about relationships being hard.” He lifts a shoulder like that explains everything.
“Would you ask your mom for advice about how you and your boyfriend could win back your other boyfriend?”
Jace runs a hand through his hair. “Yeah, okay. Bad idea. Think maybe one of the guys would know what to do? I mean, your friend Cade is married. He’s gotta have some good advice.”
Though Jace isn’t acting jittery, the fact that he’s tossing out random, ridiculous ideas tells me his outer calm is an act, probably for my benefit. Shit . If he’s worried then…
The doorbell has us looking at each other expectantly for a split second before we launch off the couch and scramble for the door, our arms and legs a tangle of limbs as we claw over one another to get there with single-minded focus. Please let it be him.
I throw open the door to find Axel on the threshold, an uncharacteristic frown on his face. He looks over each of us head to toe before shoving his way inside. “Get dressed. We’ve gotta talk.”
Jace and I exchange a nervous glance before trailing him into the living room.
“What are you doing here?” Jace plays casual.
Axel spins abruptly, stopping us in our tracks. “Lennon told me Kane canceled on brunch. Apparently, he’s not feeling so hot, although he sounded more depressed than sick. Like he’d been crying. Lennon thought you two would like to know.
“Why us? What does Lennon know.” Jace’s voice is eerily level, his stiff arms evidence that he’s holding onto control by a thread.
Axel crosses his arms in front of his chest, though he’s too nice a guy to look truly intimidating. Just like a disappointed older brother. That’s almost worse. “Pretty much everything.”
“What the fuck, man?” Jace explodes. “I told you about the three of us in confidence.”
“Yeah, well, I was worried you’d get hurt with all your secrets, but you wouldn’t listen to me. So, I talked to Lennon.” He twists to face me. “He’s the only one, though. You’re friends with him, you know he’d never repeat anything.”
Jace glances at me and I nod to reassure him. “Lennon’s solid.” Turning to Axel I add, “I wish you hadn’t told him before I did, though. Like you said, I’m friends with him.”
Axel has the decency to duck his head as he replies. “Fair enough. But he might be able to save your asses, so it’s a good thing he’s in the know.”
“Save our asses?” Jace interrupts. “What are you talking about?”
“My guess is Kane found out about the two of you before you had a chance to come clean on your own. Right?” Axel prompts .
Jace and I share a guilty look, which Axel doesn’t miss.
“Fuck.” Axel wheels on Jace. “You didn’t even ask if he’s into this lifestyle, did you? So, in his mind, the two of you are the couple and he’s the extra spice on the side.”
My hands ball into fists at my side. “Don’t talk about him like that.”
“You two are who I’m criticizing, not Kane.
” Axel points at each of us in turn. “I know why you played it this way, but I told him weeks ago—" he jerks his head at Jace “—that this would blow up in your faces, and here we are. I’m not part of this trio but even I know more about it than Kane does. How do you think that makes him feel? Embarrassed? Ashamed? Like he doesn’t mean enough to know the truth?”
“How is this helping?” Jace barks as I sink onto the couch, my stomach feeling like it’s about to lose contents it doesn’t have. This is so bad. “We get it, we fucked up,” Jace continues. “Telling us that won’t fix shit.”
Axel throws his arms in the air like he’s done with us.
“You’re right. I tried that once already and you didn’t listen, so now I’m trying to help you figure out how to get him back.
Maybe if he understands where you’re coming from, you guys can fix it.
Put yourself in his shoes, what would you want to hear?
And don’t say sorry, that’s not good enough. ”
Jace glares at his best friend, panting with barely contained rage. “Jesus, dude. Get yourself a boyfriend and suddenly you’re a fucking expert? What makes you think you’re right?”
“This isn’t my advice, it’s Lennon’s. He said Kane needs to know why you screwed up. Even if your logic is fucked up, knowing where you’re coming from is the only thing that might make him forgive you. ”
Jace’s nostrils flare, but he doesn’t object to Axel’s words. I can’t either.
“He’s right,” I admit. “What we saw as easing him into things Kane obviously sees as toying with him. And telling him how we feel won’t solve anything. He won’t forgive us for keeping secrets until he understands why we did it. That our intentions were good even if our actions were shit.”
“And how do we do that?” Jace asks. “He’s not coming back over, how do we get him to listen to us?”
“Knock on his door and ask to talk to him.” Axel shrugs, as if it’s that simple. I guess Lennon didn’t advise him on this part.
“What if he doesn’t want to talk?” Jace’s eyes fall shut as he rubs his forehead.
“I can ask Carter to give us a key to his room?” I suggest, feeling a twinge of hope for the first time since Kane walked out.
“Let me stop you there.” Axel shakes his head at me.
“A, that’s technically breaking in, so no.
B, shouldn’t you be a little more discreet than involving your boss in this little triangle?
After all, if you were so concerned about whether Kane would be on board with this lifestyle it’s not fair to put him in it without his permission. ”
“Shit, I know.” I scrub a hand over my face. I’m fucking losing it . “I’m just freaking out about not being able to fix this.”
“I hear you. I felt the same way when I thought I’d fucked up with Lennon.
But you can’t just march in there and give him some bullshit line about trying to protect him or breaking the news gently.
I know you think that’s what you were doing.
” He pins Jace with a look that says, don’t even try to object .
“Although the truth is, you were both so busy thinking about what you wanted you forgot to think about what he might want. ”
“Fuck,” I groan, letting my head fall back against the couch cushions. “He’s never gonna forgive us.”
“He might. Just give him some time and…”
“Screw that,” Jace interrupts Axel. “The longer we go without trying to fix it the longer he has to convince himself this is a mistake. I won’t take that chance.”
“Me, either.” I fly off the couch, ready, as Jace’s steely resolve gives me another burst of hope.
“Stop.” Axel’s booming voice freezes us both halfway to the front door. “Whatever groveling you two have to do is gonna go a whole lot better if you’re dressed.”
Jace and I look at each other, before looking down at ourselves. Then we speed walk to the bedroom to find clothes.