Chapter 17
SEVENTEEN
Iwake early, which is typical, but the ceiling above me is wrong, the bedding feels rough, and there’s an arm and a leg thrown over me, making me way too hot. It confuses me for a moment before I remember I’m with Nikko.
I fell into his bed, and he held me as we fell asleep.
I stayed because he asked.
Fuck.
Turning my head slowly, I see his face is turned toward me, relaxed in his sleep. He looks so innocent and cute, and I love that I get to see him like this when no one else does.
Possessiveness rears its head, and then I realize my mistake.
I shouldn’t have stayed. It might give him the wrong impression.
I can’t offer Nikko any more of me than my body. I can’t do it again.
He was so sure last night that he could handle this side of me, but part of me doesn’t want him to. I like how he’s untouched by the violence in my world. Even if he’s a boxer, he isn’t a killer tainted by the things I’ve seen and had to do. I really like that.
It’s twisted, but I crave his innocence. Staring at his face now, I know I could ruin this man just by staying, and that’s what gets me moving.
No, this can never be anything more than sex for either of us.
We’ll eventually have to stop. He’ll have belts to win, and I’ll have a family to take over, and then we will be nothing but a memory for the other person.
That’s the way it has to be.
I dress quietly after shooting off a text, and I make sure I leave nothing behind.
I don’t leave a note or a message either, since he’ll get the picture when he wakes up.
Once outside his front door, I take a deep breath and put myself back together.
With Nikko, I get to be someone else—someone softer, happier, and freer—but that isn’t who I am.
It’s just a hope, one that’s dashed as I walk to the car and Yuki, who has my preferred coffee in hand. I accept it and slip in the back with him, and then we leave, Nexus fading into the distance like a memory.
I feel Yuki’s eyes on me and almost hear his loud thoughts. “Say whatever you want before you choke on the words,” I mutter as I sip my coffee.
“It’s nothing, sir,” he replies.
I raise a brow and spare him a look. “Don’t hold your tongue, you never do. You want to say something, so say it,” I order.
His lips purse for a moment before he sighs. “I just don’t want to see you get hurt again, sir. Faiz—”
“Is in the past. I won’t get hurt,” I assert.
“If you’re sure, sir. I just worry about you. I hate seeing you hurt.”
“Thank you. I appreciate your concern, but I promise I’m fine. There is nothing between him and me that contains anything other than sex,” I vow, and Yuki’s look conveys he doesn’t believe me.
I don’t know if I believe myself either.
If it was just sex, then I wouldn’t have stayed. I also wouldn’t have sought him out last night. Things are getting . . . messy again.
I spent so long healing and sorting my life out, I can’t afford to mess it up, especially now.
Is Yuki right? Am I getting attached?
Maybe I am, which means I need distance from Nikko and everything he represents.
I need to stop before it’s too late.
My day takes a turn for the worst during my second meeting.
I’m already in a bad mood. I’ve been ignoring Nikko’s texts, but I know what I’m doing is for the best. This has to be just sex, nothing more.
I’ll call him or go to him when I need his body.
He doesn’t need to have anything else to do with my life, but I know it will make him feel confused and hurt, and that’s pissing me off.
Can’t he see I’m doing this for him?
I’m lost in my thoughts when the chair opposite me pushes back. The meeting room is already full to review the plans for the quarter, so nobody else should be here, yet dropping into that chair is the last face I want to see.
“Faiz,” I snap, and the room falls silent at my sharp tone. “What are you doing here?”
The rest of the meeting attendees look between us, but our eyes are locked. He leans back and smiles. “Well, it’s my land. The contract we signed says I have every right to check on progress and attend meetings with you, so that’s what I’m doing.”
“You never wanted to. It was just a technicality—”
“You know better, sweetheart.” It slips out, and I startle at the familiar endearment. “It’s within my rights. You shouldn’t have left it in the contract if you didn’t want it. You could try to kick me out, but then I’ll cancel the contract, so it looks like I’m staying.”
My nostrils flare in anger, and Yuki leans down behind me, lowering his voice so no one else hears. “Do you want me to call security, sir?”
“No, he’s right,” I mutter, the words tasting like venom and defeat. “If I make him leave, I’ll look weak and breach the contract. Let him stay. I don’t care.”
Yuki leans back, and I focus on Faiz, who raises an eyebrow, waiting to see what move I will make in this game we are playing.
“Fine, but you have no say in these proceedings. You may only attend.” I remember the contract and know I will need to review it. If he’s using it against me, then I need to know every small print point.
“Of course,” he replies, holding his hands up innocently.
I nod at the head of this project, Ms. Lopez. “Please begin.”
She launches into her presentation. It’s one we’ve heard before, but we made changes, especially to the timeline thanks to Faiz.
I listen intently, mentally noting questions to ask at the end.
I need this project to succeed to show everyone I can lead like my father did.
He hates having to hand all of it over to me so quickly, but he has to for his health. This is a burden I’m willing to share.
Faiz is quiet during the meeting, and I almost forget he’s there until I feel his feet trap mine under the table. My eyes snap up to see him watching me. Glaring, I tug my feet free and sit back so he can’t reach me.
His lips quirk as he arches his eyebrows, daring me to call him out in the middle of the meeting. It’s how we used to flirt at school, and I hate that it brings back familiar, happy memories, which is no doubt why he did it.
I ignore him as best as I can, and he changes tactics. My phone vibrates, and I narrow my eyes when I see it’s him. I open the message before slamming my phone down, aiming another glare at him.
It’s a photo I took of him when he was shirtless and smiling below me.
He blows me a kiss, and I turn my phone off as I look at him.
The rest of the meeting is quiet, thank fuck, and when I thank everyone, I leave without glancing at him.
I’m striding across the lobby, Yuki behind me, when Faiz catches up, smiling as he steps into my path. “You have a meeting with Judge Landis about the land next to mine, right? I’ll come with you.”
“No.” I sidestep him, and I grow concerned with how quickly he gives up.
I should have known it wouldn’t be that easy because when I step into the cozy, empty restaurant and head toward the judge’s table, I see him laughing with someone sitting opposite him.
“Judge Landis,” I greet smoothly, “thank you for meeting with me.”
“Of course. My friend Faiz here said I should.”
Faiz stands, grinning at me from the seat opposite the judge.
“Landis and I go way back, don’t we?” He grins over at him.
“He and my father are good friends. I told him you’re trustworthy.
Come and sit.” He holds out a chair for me like a gentleman, and I hate it, but I sink into it.
I don’t want to fight in front of the judge, not when I need him on my side, and Faiz knows it.
“So, Mr. Xander, what would you like to eat?” the judge asks, oblivious to the daggers I’m silently shooting at a grinning Faiz as he slings his arm over the back of my seat in a familiar way.
“Ah, I’m afraid I don’t have a lot of time. If we could discuss the land—” I begin.
“Pfft.” The judge throws his menu down. “You kids don’t know the importance of discussing business over lunch, do you?”
“He’s right. I’ll order for you.” Faiz puts in my order, and I hate that it’s all my favorite things.
His hand lands on my thigh under the table as he grins at me.
“Don’t be rude, Z. The judge has given up his time for you.
” He looks at the judge. “You’ll have to forgive my boyfriend. He’s all work and no play.”
Gripping his hand on my thigh, I try to shove it off, but he squeezes it to the point of pain. I grip his fingers hard enough to break then push his hand off. He spares me a wink, nothing else.
“Boyfriend, huh?” the judge asks. “You’re one lucky man, Mr. Xander. I’ve been trying to set Faiz up with my daughter, but now I see why he kept turning me down.”
“Ah, sorry about that, Judge Landis. Judy is lovely, but my Z is the love of my life.” His eyes meet mine, and his expression turns serious. “I’m never letting him go.”
I fight the urge to grab a steak knife and drive it into his smirking face, and instead, I turn to the judge and smile sweetly. “Actually, your daughter can have him.”
He laughs like he thinks I’m joking, so I lean in like I’m sharing a secret.
“Faiz and I broke up six months ago because he couldn’t keep his dick out of everything that moved.
” I smile pleasantly. “I’d warn your daughter about that.
He’s a good enough fuck, don’t get me wrong, but who knows where he’s been?
He’s like a stray you see wandering in the streets.
Actually, they probably have more loyalty. ”
“Zia,” Faiz snaps.
My eyes land on him, fury tightening my features, and he shuts his mouth at my look.
“I have been silent out of respect for the love and friendship we once shared, but do not push me on this, Faiz. I showed you respect you didn’t show me. No more.”
I swallow my anger and smile at them as I stand.
“I’ll be in touch about the land, Judge Landis.
If you’ll excuse me, I no longer have an appetite.
Seeing your cheating ex will do that to you.
” I look at Faiz. “Stay out of my life. This is the last warning unless you want your private life to no longer be private.”
They are both silent as I walk out of the restaurant. I am beyond pissed.
How dare he?
The worst part of all of this is that there is no physical wound to show people what he did! The heart is a cruel organ. It suffers in silence, unlike the body. There’s no visible scar to show the agony he caused.
I’m left to suffer silently, and it’s making me hate him.
I walked away from Faiz and the pain that followed him like a shadow. I was able to drag myself away even though I loved him, and now he’s just digging that knife in.
How can he hurt the person he’s supposed to love like this?
Why do I keep letting him?