Chapter 13 #3
“It wasn’t on purpose! I thought we were all on the same page about things not being exclusive. It’s not my fault women are drawn to my energy—I don’t even try—but things got complicated and weird, and I needed some time off anyway.”
Sarah huffed out a laugh despite herself. “Fuck, Kel. You’ve been a chaos tornado since birth. I honestly thought you might have grown out of it by now.”
“Never,” Kelly shot back, grinning.
Sarah gave her a mock glare. “God, we couldn’t be more different.” She laughed. “You’re such a free spirit, and I love that for you, but your life gives me anxiety. I like . . .”
“Control and stability?” Kelly filled in.
Sarah smiled into her cup. “Yes. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.”
Kelly leaned her elbows on the counter, her eyes softening. “I mean, no one’s really surprised by that, given everything. You didn’t get the easy version of our childhood.”
Something shifted in Sarah as she swirled the liquid in her glass, her voice low. “No. I didn’t, but I wouldn’t say your end was particularly easy either.”
They both knew what that meant without needing to explain it. Their father’s alcoholism. The shouting. The broken things. Sarah had spent her teenage years becoming invisible, quiet, and perfect simply to survive.
“To be honest, Sar,” Kelly said, hopping off the stool and walking to the fridge, “I don’t really remember him.
Dad, I mean. I don’t feel like I had a father.
He wasn’t really around when I was a kid, and when he did resurface, Mom made sure Ryan, Molly, and I were out of the house as much as possible.
And then they got divorced, and I never saw him before he passed away,” she said simply, like it was nothing.
Sarah’s mind chewed on Kelly’s words. She’d spent years—countless hours and thousands of dollars of therapy—unpacking the box in her mind labeled “family shit,” and she still hadn’t quite learned how to get rid of that overwhelming feeling of rage that welled up every time she opened the lid a crack and had to confront the things she’d had to do to survive.
“Do you have any ham?” Kelly asked, the fridge door propped open, with food containers littered across the counter next to it.
“Ham?”
“Yeah. Like Christmas ham. I’m making us grilled ham and cheese.”
“Oh, no. I haven’t done ham for Christmas in years. The last time I did was when I burnt one trying to show off for Beth the first year we were dating.”
“Speaking of Beth, how is my ex-sister-in-law?” Kelly asked, as she haphazardly piled a plate with various leftovers, clearly having pivoted from her earlier impulse to make grilled cheese.
“You should know. Don’t you two talk all the time?”
“Haven’t been able to catch her in a while.”
“Beth’s good. She has a show coming up in February that has her a little stressed, but she’s good . . . she and Jamie are good.” Her voice fell a little flat at the mention of Jamie.
“Is this plate microwave safe?” Kelly asked.
“Yeah.”
Kelly put her plate into the microwave, pushed a few buttons, then hit start.
“So, this thing with Jamie is, uh, serious?” Kelly asked. She hoisted herself up to sit on the edge of the counter.
“She’s happy, Kel,” Sarah warned.
“Are you happy?”
She glared at her sister, knowing exactly what she was getting at.
“You looked really happy in that picture with that goddess of a billionaire ‘friend’ of yours.” Kelly winked as the microwave beeped. “Please tell me you’re fucking her.”
“Kelly!”
“What!? I have eyes. She’s hot. If you’re not, I was going to ask you to introduce us.”
Kelly rummaged through the drawers looking for silverware. Sarah sighed, standing, opening the drawer to the right of the fridge and pulled out a fork and a knife and handed them over.
Kelly sat back down on one of the stools as Sarah began shutting the containers Kelly had left sprawled across the countertop, returning them to the fridge.
“Nell and—”
“Oh, Nell! Of course she has a hot-ass name,” Kelly said, with a smirk. Sarah chose to ignore her.
“Nell and I are enjoying each other’s company,” Sarah said matter-of-factly. “But even if we weren’t, what makes you think you could entertain a second of her time?” she asked.
Kelly shrugged and took a large bite. “Dunno. Probably delusion on my end, but I do look adorable in Carhartt.” She swallowed her bite of food. “You know, if that’s her thing.”
“It’s not,” Sarah deadpanned. “Trust me.”
“On second thought, if she’s into you, she’d probably hate me.”
“Probably.” Sarah smiled, her hands splaying out across the cool granite surface of the counter.
“Is it serious with you two? That picture was from, what, September . . .”
“It’s not like that,” Sarah corrected. “Well, not really.”
“Are you each seeing anyone else right now?”
Sarah shook her head no. She wasn’t, at least, and she didn’t think Nell was, but she didn’t know for sure. That thought made her a little uncomfortable.
“I don’t really know what to call it. Nell and I . . .” She hesitated, choosing her words carefully. “We don’t talk about what it is, but it’s been six months, and . . . I don’t know. She’s unlike anyone I’ve ever met. She surprises me.”
“You like her,” Kelly sang.
“Shut up.”
A notification buzzed on Sarah’s phone. She glanced down at a group text from Nate and Nell.
Nate 12:53 AM
Proof that Nell had fun today. xoxo The StanGrants
Attached were three photos of Nell at Disney World—one of her and Nate in matching custom T-shirts with large bold letters reading “StanGrant Family Christmas” as they stood in front of Cinderella’s castle, arms wrapped around each other; another of Nell with a view of Tomorrowland behind her, her long, dark hair whipping around, caught in a breeze, Nell absolutely glowing in the golden-hour light; and the third was her in full Mickey ears, holding a churro in one hand and a giant turkey leg in the other.
Sarah smiled without thinking. Kelly caught it.
“I was right! You do like her.”
Sarah didn’t correct her, because she wasn’t wrong.