Chapter 34 August
August
She was still asleep.
The low embers in the hearth cast a faint orange glow across her bare skin, illuminating the curve of her back, the hollow of her throat, the soft rise and fall of her chest. Her dark hair was spread out, wild and tangled from my fingers. I didn’t dare move.
I just stared.
Memorizing her. Every freckle. Every lash.
The way her lips parted like she was breathing out a final word. My hand hovered above her shoulder, aching to touch, to trace the heat of her skin, but I stayed still—like if I moved too fast, she might disappear.
She was here. She had chosen to stay.
Gods, what was I doing?
I should’ve let her go a long time ago. I told myself over and over again that keeping her close was about protection. That it was about stopping Carrow. But now, watching her like this, I couldn’t pretend anymore. She wasn’t just the key to ending this.
She was everything.
I let my fingers trail down her spine. She shifted slightly, sighing in her sleep. Her voice echoed in my mind—You. Just you. She hadn’t said it like a demand. She’d said it like a truth, as if it had always been me.
And I knew then I couldn’t keep being selfish.
Carefully, I lifted the edge of the blanket, exposing her left arm.
The veins were still there—dark, raised, like something poisonous burned into her flesh.
She’d tried to act like it didn’t bother her, but I’d seen the way her fingers twitched when she thought no one was watching.
The way her gaze lingered on it like she was trying to convince herself she was the same.
But she wasn’t. And she was trying to bear it alone.
* * *
The great hall shimmered with candlelight, flames kept high in the chandeliers and far from reach, casting golden halos over the marble floor. Music echoed faintly against the vaulted ceiling, delicate and slow.
She was in my arms, her gloved hand resting lightly against my chest, her other tucked into mine as I guided her across the floor.
The dress she wore was deep crimson, fitted perfectly to her figure, every curve and line made to ruin me.
But it was the gloves that held my attention—elegant silk, elbow-length, and hiding the dark veins beneath.
She’d insisted on them, brushing off my concern with a smile that didn’t quite reach her eyes.
But she was still the most beautiful thing in the room. In any room.
“Look at you,” I murmured as I dipped my head, lips brushing her temple. “Everyone’s staring, you know. Can’t blame them. You look like a goddess.”
She rolled her eyes, but the smile tugging at the corner of her mouth betrayed her.
“Don’t do that. Don’t act like you don’t know it,” I whispered against her ear. “That dress, those gloves, your lips—fuck, Winnie. You could bring a man to his knees with a look.”
Her gaze flicked up to mine, amusement dancing there.
“I should be worried,” I said, letting my thumb brush over her gloved fingers. “Every man in this room wants you.”
“But I’m with you,” she said simply.
And gods, that undid me.
“Say that again,” I breathed.
She leaned in. “I’m with you.”
I pulled her closer as we turned in another slow circle, unwilling to let the moment go.
“I hope you know,” I murmured, “I’ve never wanted anything the way I want you.”
The sun was beginning to rise by the time we slipped away from the great room. The halls were quiet now—most of the castle descending into the hush of daylight, where vampires tucked themselves behind thick doors and shuttered windows.
But not us.
I walked beside her slowly, our fingers laced, stealing glances at her when she wasn’t looking. I was obsessed with every inch of her.
The second our chamber door shut, I pressed her against it, my hands on her hips, my mouth on her neck.
“August,” she breathed, but her hands pulled me closer.
I kissed along her jaw, her throat, the bare skin above her dress. I didn’t stop until I’d guided her to the bed. I peeled the gloves from her arms with slow care, kissing her palms, her wrists, the veins she tried to hide.
She was the only thing that mattered to me. And I needed her to know it.
“Winnie,” I whispered against her shoulder, lips brushing her skin. “I need to tell you something.”
She blinked slowly, eyes heavy with affection and heat. “What? Do you love me or something?”
The words hit like a blade between the ribs. My breath left me. My chest ached.
“I love you,” I said. “But that word—it’s not enough.
It doesn’t explain how I feel well enough.
I need something that tells you that every waking moment I have is spent thinking about you, wanting you, aching to be near you.
And at night, when I used to dream of you killing me, I didn’t mind—because the last thing I saw before I died was you. ”
Her lips parted, but I kept going.
“All I care about is you. There is nothing else. Just you. And because there isn’t a word that means all of that, all I can say is this: I love you. I love you so much it hurts.”
I watched her swallow, tears building slowly in her eyes. And I kissed them away before they could fall. My own eyes burned. I blinked fast, but it didn’t stop the sting. My voice broke when I spoke again.
“And because I love you,” I said hoarsely, “you have to leave.”
“What?” She drew back, blinking at me like I’d just struck her. “No! I’m not going to leave you. We are going to fight this until the last second.”
I shook my head, every part of me screaming to take it back. To pull her close and never let her go. But I couldn’t be selfish any longer.
“There may be nothing we can do, but I will not stop trying to find a way to stop it.” I couldn’t tell her what Varric said.
“But you—you have to get as far from here as you can. Get Adar and run. Go to another kingdom and hide from Carrow. I may not be able to save myself, but I will not let him have you.”
She grabbed my arms, her fingers digging into my skin. “They can’t do this to you if you’re not here. We can run together.”
“The blood in my veins puts a target on my back. They would never stop hunting me. But you—at least without me—you have a chance.”
“I will not leave you,” she said fiercely. “I’d rather die with you than spend the rest of my life running without you.”
“I’ve been selfish with you since the moment I met you,” I whispered. “I should never have forced you to come here.”
She stared up at me, her entire body shaking. “You know you can’t make me do anything. I was angry, but I came because I wanted to. Because I wanted to be with you.”
I brushed my fingers down her cheek, memorizing the shape of her. Even if I still found a way to stop this, she’d never forgive me for what I was about to do. But I would carry her hatred forever if it meant she was safe.
“Still, I should’ve never given you that option. I should’ve let you go, because I knew what could happen. I knew what it might cost.”
I kissed her forehead, then looked into her eyes and did the only thing that might save her.
“I will not be selfish with you anymore.”
She felt it instantly—the shift in my voice, the pull of the command.
Her body went rigid. “August, no—”
“I love you, Winnie,” I said, the compulsion settling deep inside her.
“August!”
“Get Adar and never stop running.”