Chapter 4
FRANKIE
I t took a few hours longer, much to Holden’s growing agitation, for her to be released. Long enough, much to her agitation, for him to decide it was time for lunch pretty much the second they walked through the door of his house.
“Ham or turkey?” he asked, giving her a none-too-subtle nudge into a chair at his charming little kitchen table.
“I don’t suppose ‘neither’ is an option.”
Pausing in front of his fridge, he turned to raise an eyebrow at her, sending a delicious little frisson of fear up her spine. “Neither is an option if there’s something else you’d rather have. But you are going to eat, Francesca.”
Wiping her suddenly sweaty palms on her jeans, she weighed her options. “Can I have just the turkey? No sandwich?”
“I can do that. Turkey and cheese roll-ups?”
Cheese was too fatty, but it was probably the best compromise she was going to get. “Sure.”
“Good girl. Water or tea?”
“Water, please.”
While he made himself busy with lunch, Frankie pulled her phone from her purse, wincing at all the missed calls and messages. The last thing she wanted was to answer a bunch of uncomfortable questions in the group chat, but she owed them some kind of explanation. At the very least she owed Lottie the truth.
“Um, I’m going to go make a quick call.”
“To who?”
Annoyance raked sharp fingernails across her nerves. “None of your business.”
Turning, he pinned her with a look that was so Daddy she nearly whimpered. “Come here.”
Shit, shit, shit. She should have just told him. Now she was going to get her ass blistered and then she’d have to tell him anyway.
Why couldn’t she just behave for once in her fucking life?
Her feet felt like lead as she dragged herself over to stand in front of him. Holden gripped her chin, his burning eyes meeting hers. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to tell me. But you will be respectful. Am I understood, little girl?”
“Yes, Daddy.”
“Good. I’m not going to spank you, at least not until you’re feeling a bit better. But keep in mind I have plenty of tricks up my sleeve to teach a naughty little girl some manners. Go make your phone call and lunch will be ready when you’re done.”
“Okay.” When he released her, she hesitated, nibbling on her bottom lip. She hated feeling so off balance, especially with him. Before she’d ended things, he’d always been a safe place for her. Someone she could be one hundred percent herself with, even if being herself ended with her sobbing in Daddy’s arms with her bottom on fire.
Now, she wasn’t sure where she stood with him. How much she could let him see the real her, the broken, fucked-up her before he decided she was just too much for him to handle.
But being off balance and scared was no excuse for being a bitch, so she swallowed her pride and met his eyes. “I’m sorry I was rude.”
“It’s already forgiven, little siren. But thank you for the apology.”
Turning on her heel, she hurried for the door leading out to his back deck. But when she pulled the sliding glass shut behind her, she could only stare at her phone.
“C’mon, Frankie,” she mumbled. “Don’t be such a pussy. Legares aren’t afraid of anything.”
With a deep breath, she swiped open her phone and hit the button to call her best friend.
“Frankie?” Lottie’s voice, frantic and thick with tears, was like a knife in Frankie’s heart. “Oh my god, are you okay? Holden said you were, but he also said you were in the hospital and I’ve been so fucking worried.”
“I’m okay, Lottie-baby.” She tried to keep her tone light, but it was hard when she was holding back her own tears. As humiliating as it was to admit the truth, if anyone deserved it now, it was Lottie. She’d been one of the friends who had visited Frankie in rehab even when her own parents wouldn’t come, and she’d been one of Frankie’s biggest cheerleaders during her recovery. “I, um, had a bit of a relapse. But I’m with Holden and I’m going to get better.”
A long, strained silence met her pronouncement, and she nervously paced the back deck, waiting for Lottie’s inevitable explosion. For her best friend in the whole world to tell her how disappointed she was, that she was through with her for good.
“You lied to me,” Lottie whispered, and of all the things she could have said, that simple truth hurt the most. “I’ve been asking you for weeks if you were having trouble. You barely ate when we were out, and I could tell you were losing weight. But you just lied and said everything was fine.”
Tears blurred Frankie’s vision and she swiped angrily at them. “I did. And I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, Lottie. I thought I had it under control, I swear I did. I think… I think I was lying to myself as much as anybody.”
“Are you going back to rehab?”
“No. At least, not right now. I’m, um, staying with Holden for a bit and I have a feeling I won’t get away with not eating around him.” She tried to make a joke of it, lighten the mood a bit, but Lottie didn’t laugh.
“Good. I think he’ll be good for you. I never understood why you dumped him in the first place when you two are so obviously crazy for each other.”
Because I’m not good enough for him. Because he deserves so much more.
“Just dumb, I guess.”
“Shut up. You’re one of the smartest people I know, Dr. Legare. Speaking of doctors, are you at least going to start seeing Dr. Krauss again?”
Hearing Lottie refer to her as ‘Doctor’ was yet another knife to the heart. How the hell was she supposed to tell her friends she might never achieve the dream she’d been working toward since she was thirteen years old?
Setting that worry aside for another time, she focused on answering Lottie’s questions. “I don’t know. Not really sure what she can tell me that we didn’t cover the first time around.”
“Maybe she can help you figure out what triggered this episode, help you look out for those triggers going forward. There’s no gold medal for doing this on your own, Frankie.”
“I know.” And yet, her pride was still the one thing standing in her way. But the guilt was clawing at her again, and she was desperate to give Lottie something, anything to ease her worry. “I’ll give her a call. I promise.”
Not that she really had a choice, since Holden had already made it clear she would make an appointment or there would be consequences. But at least this way it felt like she had some semblance of control left over her life.
“Good. I love you, Frankie.”
“Love you too, Lottie-baby. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you sooner.”
“It’s okay. I mean, it’s not okay that you let yourself get so sick, but I’m just glad you’re getting help. You know if you need me, I’m just a phone call away.”
“I know. Thanks.”
“No thanks necessary. That’s what friends are for.”
Because she knew Lottie meant it, with every fiber of her being, her heart was lighter as she ended the call and returned to the house. True to his word, Holden had a plate of turkey and cheese, rolled up and arranged in a cute little flower shape waiting for her on the table.
“Five-star presentation,” she said with a laugh as she dropped down onto her chair. “Thanks.”
“Welcome. Everything good with Lottie?”
“Yeah, but… wait.” Eyes narrowing, she looked up at him, and the smirk playing on his lips. “How did you know who I was calling?”
“Daddy instincts. So, is everything good?”
“I think so.” Jerking a shoulder, Frankie eyed the plate in front of her. Turkey was good, low fat, low carbs, low everything, pretty much. The cheese, on the other hand… She’d thought she could handle it, but now that it was actually on her plate, she couldn’t seem to make herself pick it up, bring it to her lips.
“Do I have to eat the cheese?”
“Is that one of your ‘bad’ foods?”
“Yes,” she whispered, tears of shame filling her eyes.
“Then yes. At least one, and then you can just eat the turkey if you like.”
One. She could eat one. It wouldn’t be the end of the world.
Mouth dry, she forced herself to pick up the roll-up closest to her. To lift it to her lips, to open her mouth, to take that first bite.
After months of depriving herself, it was surprisingly yummy, even if it was just turkey and cheese. Chewing slowly, she savored the taste of it, silently reciting the mantras she’d been taught over and over as she ate.
Food is not the enemy. My weight does not define me. I am more powerful than my eating disorder.
“Good girl.” Holden’s quiet praise snuck through her mental chanting. “Can you eat another one for me?”
To her surprise, the second one went down much easier. Between her own mantras and Holden’s continued praise, she managed to eat half of what he’d put on her plate before leaning back against her chair. “I think I’m full.”
A frown tugged the corners of Holden’s lips down, but just for a fraction of a second before he smiled and rose from the table, abandoning his own half-eaten sandwich. Reaching for her hand, he pulled her to her feet, pride shining from his eyes. “Daddy’s very proud of you, little siren. I know that wasn’t easy. Would my good girl like a reward?”
Judging by the glint in his eye, she had a feeling she knew exactly what kind of reward he had in mind. “Yes, please.”
She barely got the words out before she was up in his arms, breathless from the ease with which he carried her as he strode toward his bedroom.
“Wait!” Clinging to him, she buried her face in his neck, yet another wave of embarrassment washing over her. “I need a shower. I got all sweaty at the party last night and I feel gross.”
“I could use one myself,” he said with a low, rumbling laugh. “Might as well preserve water and take one together.”
Heat pulsed between her thighs. “Yes, Daddy.”
Holden
With Frankie still clinging to him, Holden shifted gears and headed for the bathroom. Placing her on her feet in the middle of the room, he opened the glass shower door and turned on both showerheads, one at either end of the large, tiled space.
When he turned back to face her, she already had her shirt off and was reaching for the button on her jeans.
“That’s Daddy’s job,” he growled, swatting lightly at her hands.
“I can dress and undress myself, Holden.”
Pausing with his hands at her button, he pinned her with a stern look. “You can also spend the afternoon standing in the corner and then sitting on your bare bottom to write lines if you keep forgetting how to address me. Who am I, Francesca?”
An adorable pink blush stole across her cheeks. “Daddy.”
“Damn straight. I know I’m being a hardass, but if you’re going to be staying here with me, you’ll just have to get used to it.”
“What happened to negotiations?” she asked, her tone dry as he helped her out of her jeans and underwear.
“Is that something you want to negotiate?” Last went her bra, leaving her wonderfully, gloriously naked in front of him.
“I dunno. Like, am I never allowed to call you by your name? Ever?”
It was a fair enough question. If he had it his way, she wouldn’t, but he knew that wasn’t realistic. “In public, yes. At home my preference is Daddy, though I will allow for some leeway. If it becomes a pattern of disrespect, however, you will be punished. Sound fair?”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Good enough, at least for now. They could sit down and hammer things out more concretely later.
For now, he just wanted, needed to taste her.
Stripping his own clothes off, he tossed everything in the hamper and stuck a hand under the water to test it. Warm, but not scalding. Perfect.
“In you go, little siren.”
Frankie stepped under the stream and immediately shivered. “Too cold,” she declared, reaching for the controls.
He watched, slightly horrified as she pressed a button, bumping the temperature up several degrees.
“Jesus, woman, are you trying to boil us alive?”
“Mmm.” Tilting her head back under the falling water, she smiled, and despite feeling like his skin was being burned off his bones, his heart constricted at the sight of her looking so… content. “It’s perfect.”
Biting back a sigh, he reached for the bodywash he’d kept in his shower since their too-short affair nearly a year ago, and squirted a large dollop onto a fresh washcloth.
The scent of vanilla and almond filled the steamy space and Frankie pried open her eyes to stare at the bottle in his hand. “Have you really kept that same bottle this entire time?”
“No. I replaced it after the first couple months in case it had gone bad. Kept it on hand, waiting for you to come to your senses.” He was well aware of how pathetic that probably sounded to her, but to him it was simply a matter of being prepared. There hadn’t been a single day where he’d doubted she would eventually return to him, and he’d wanted to be ready for her when she did.
Of course, he’d never imagined that this would be how he got her back in his bed. But now he was grateful to the past versions of himself for not simply tossing everything that reminded him of her.
“You’re so sure of yourself,” she murmured as he ran the washcloth down her arm. “You make it sound like you always knew I’d come back.”
“Because I did. Was just waiting for you to figure it out.”
“What if I didn’t?”
“I’m a Marine. Failure isn’t in our vocabulary.”
Cocking a brow at him, she snorted out a laugh. “Sure, when you’re talking about missions and shit. Not people.”
“Ah, little siren. Haven’t you realized yet that you’re my most important mission?”
Her bottom lip trembled, making her look younger, more vulnerable than he could ever remember “You don’t mean that.”
“I do. There is nothing in my life more important than you. Your health, your safety, your happiness. And I won’t allow anyone, not even you, to jeopardize any of those things.”