Chapter 8
Holden
I t took longer than he’d expected to sort through her storage unit, mostly because she hadn’t bothered to stack her boxes in any kind of order that made sense. By the time they’d finished, she’d looked so exhausted and drawn he’d made the executive decision to skip the grocery store and he’d sent her upstairs for a nap the second they got home. While she’d napped, he’d unpacked her boxes from his SUV and stacked them in the living room so he wouldn’t disturb her.
Now, he was back in the kitchen, making roast chicken and vegetables for dinner, while Frankie shifted restlessly in an empty corner, her bare bottom on display. She’d done nothing but argue and snap at him from the moment she’d woken up from her nap and he’d finally had enough when she’d tried to carry one of her boxes upstairs after being told repeatedly not to touch them.
The timer on his phone chimed, letting him know she’d been standing there for a solid ten minutes. “You can come out of the corner now, baby.”
“ Finally ,” she grumbled, yanking her jeans up over her bottom.
Opening the oven, he slid the pan holding their dinner onto a rack and closed the door again before turning to face her. “Come here, Francesca.”
Bottom lip puffed out in a pout, she dragged her feet—literally, a fact that had him swallowing a laugh when he noticed—as she crossed the kitchen to stand in front of him. “Yes?”
“Look at me, please.”
With a dramatic sigh, she forced her gaze up to meet his. “Yes?” she repeated, annoyance ringing clearly in her tone.
“When I tell you to do or not do something, are you going to listen?”
One shoulder jerked up in a shrug. “I dunno. Probably not.”
“Points for honesty, I suppose,” he said with a low laugh. “But I am not going to tolerate you continually putting yourself in danger. If it happens again, you’ll be writing lines and then going to bed early.”
Impossible man. “First of all, carrying a box of clothes up the stairs is hardly putting myself in danger . And second of all, you can’t send me to bed early! I’m not a child!”
“It’s an unnecessary risk considering you just got out of the hospital a few days ago after collapsing at a party. And yes, if you can’t act like an adult and make good decisions for yourself, then I can and will treat you like a naughty child.”
“Why can’t you just spank me?” she whined.
And then it clicked. Why she’d been so bratty all afternoon, even more so than usual. She wanted, maybe even needed a spanking.
Guilt twisted his stomach. He wanted to spank her. Wanted nothing more than to have her over his knee, crying and begging and promising to be a good girl forever while he turned her bare ass a nice dark pink.
But it still felt like it was too soon. To him, she still looked too thin, too frail, though her cheeks had already lost some of the gauntness he’d noticed in the hospital. “When you’re stronger, we can revisit the spanking issue. For now, I am using the tools available to me. And if that means sending you to bed at seven or making you write lines until your hand falls off, then that’s what I’ll do. Understood?”
She stared him down for a long minute before finally giving in with a sigh. “Yes, Daddy.”
“Good girl. In the meantime, I have a project for you.”
Her eyes narrowed with suspicion. “What kind of project?”
“Go get your computer and meet me back here. Now, Francesca,” he added when she didn’t move.
Huffing loudly, she turned on her heel and stomped out of the kitchen. She returned a few minutes later with her laptop bag slung over one shoulder. “What now?”
He pointed to the kitchen table. “Sit, and open your laptop. You’re going to make me a list.”
“What kind of list?” she asked even as she sat and did as he’d instructed.
“A food list. I want a list of your safe foods and a list of foods you specifically avoid.”
Fingers hovering over the touchpad on her computer, she froze, then slowly pulled her hand away. “No.”
“Yes, Francesca.”
“No.” Her voice was thick with tears now, tearing at his heart. “Please don’t make me do this.”
“Baby.” Crouching down beside her chair, he cupped her cheek, gently turning her head so she would look at him. “We’ve talked about this. Part of your recovery is working those ‘not safe’ foods back into your diet. And I can’t do that if you aren’t honest with me. I know some of them but I need as comprehensive a list as possible.”
“You’re going to make me eat things I don’t want.”
“Yes. Can you look me in the eye and tell me that’s not at least part of how you overcame this the first time? That this wasn’t part of your therapy back then, too?”
“No,” she whispered. “I can’t.”
“Then this is what we’re doing, at least until we talk to your therapist. If she has a different treatment plan in mind, I’ll back off. But I promise we’ll keep it as simple as possible, just like we have been. One safe food and one forbidden food at each meal.”
“What if I can’t? What if I’m not…”
What if I’m not strong enough? The unasked question hung between them, threatening to shatter him.
“I’ll be right here with you. We’ll eat the same things, and if you need me to, I’ll even feed you. Whatever you need from me, little siren. We’re in this together.”
Tears filled her emerald eyes. “I don’t deserve you.”
“Nonsense. You deserve everything, baby.” Rising to his feet, he pulled a chair over to sit beside her. “Why don’t we start with what we know and go from there?”
“Okay.” Nodding, Frankie let out a shuddering breath. “I think I can do that.”
“All right. Two columns, one for safe, one for forbidden. And for every ‘forbidden’ food you successfully eat, you get a reward.”
“A reward? What kind of reward?”
“We’ll make another list. It could be getting to pick the movie we watch, or Daddy will buy you something pretty. Or being allowed to ride Daddy’s face until you come screaming my name.”
Red colored her cheeks. “I’m a big fan of that last one.”
“Me too, as it happens. So, starting with breakfast. Eggs. Safe or forbidden?” He already knew the answer, but he wanted her to be the one to write it down. This was her recovery and as much as he wanted to take over, she had to be an active participant.
“Safe. Though I prefer just egg whites.”
“Let’s put eggs in the safe column, then. What about lunch meat?”
“Turkey is safe. Um, it’s really the only lunch meat that is, though. The rest are too fatty. And cheese is def in the forbidden column.”
His poor babygirl. As they worked through the list, his heart sank at every item added to the ‘forbidden’ side of the page. By the time he gave her permission to shut it down for the night, the forbidden list was nearly four times as long as the safe list.
And it wasn’t just the length of the list, but the types of items on it that worried him. Truly healthy foods like carrots and other vegetables she’d deemed to have ‘too many carbs’ were on the list of things she’d been denying herself, along with various protein sources she needed to get her strength back up.
Maybe he should make her add more than one forbidden food to every meal. Because at the rate she was adding things to that list, it was going to take years to remove those foods one by one.
Rising from his chair, he crossed the kitchen to check on dinner and pull it from the oven, his mind working over the problem as he served them each up a piece of chicken and a pile of vegetables. Including carrots, which would help with that forbidden food list, at least a little. As would the ice-cream sandwiches he’d picked up at the store earlier with the intention of encouraging her to eat one after dinner. Maybe with his head buried between her thighs while she ate.
As he’d expected, Frankie wrinkled her nose at the plate when he put it in front of her. “That’s way too much food.”
“It’s four ounces of chicken and some vegetables, Francesca. It’s a perfectly healthy amount of food.” Should he be telling her how much the food weighed? Would that be something for her to obsess over later? What if he just exchanged one obsession for another?
Fuck, this was complicated. They really, really needed to make that appointment with her therapist.
“Do I have to eat the carrots?” she asked quietly, and his heart broke a little more at the sadness in her voice.
“You have to try. Just a couple. Can you do that for me, baby?”
Swallowing so hard he audibly heard it, she nodded and picked up her fork. He watched as she dragged in a deep breath and stabbed at a carrot.
Time itself seemed to slow as she lifted the small orange vegetable to her lips. As she squeezed her eyes shut and opened her mouth to shove it inside.
“Good girl.” Running his hands over her hair, he granted her an approving smile when she cracked open her lids to peek up at him.
Seemingly bolstered by the praise, she pierced another carrot and slowly brought it up to her mouth. And again looked up at him, seeking his approval.
“You’re doing such a good job, baby. Can you eat one more for me?”
Little by little, she made her way through the entire plate. One hesitant bite at a time, constantly looking at him for approval as she ate. Approval he was happy to give, even if, by the time she was finished, it left him feeling hollowed out.
How had she survived this, not just once, but twice now? She was so fucking strong he was in awe of her, even as he mourned the need for that strength.
With dinner finished, Frankie sat back in her chair, a sheepish smile spreading across her face. “I ate all my carrots.”
“You did. Daddy’s very proud of you, baby.”
An adorable pink flush blossomed in her cheeks. “Thanks. Um, you said I could have a reward.”
What was his little siren up to? “I did. Do you have something specific in mind?”
Instead of answering, she rose from her chair to straddle his lap, the soft, warm weight of her pressing against the bulge of his cock. “You, Daddy. I want you.”
She’d had a long nap. Some good food. And as he’d already noted, she was looking healthier than she had at the hospital. But he wasn’t quite sure he could keep himself in check once he was inside her, and with as tiny as she was naturally, he’d often worried about hurting her even when she’d been perfectly healthy.
And yet, looking at the silent plea in those large, green eyes, he couldn’t bring himself to tell her no, either.
“All right. But only on one condition.”