Chapter 11
Frankie
S itting in the passenger seat of one of Holden’s SUV’s, Frankie stared out the window, looking but not really seeing the scenery passing them by as they made their way to Dr. Winters’ office. Nervous energy had sent her leg bouncing up and down frantically the moment he’d buckled her into the car, and it hadn’t stopped.
“Baby.” Laying his hand on Frankie’s thigh, Holden gave it a gentle squeeze, and the bouncing slowed. “It’s going to be fine. Dr. Winters just wants to check in and see how you’re feeling.”
“I don’t see why we couldn’t have done this over the phone.” It was an argument they’d been having all morning, and she could tell by the way his hand tightened on her thigh that he was growing tired of her whining.
But it didn’t come through in his voice, which was as gentle and patient as ever. “Because she needs to be able to see you to make any judgement calls on whether you’re ready for more vigorous activities.”
The night before flashed into her mind. As he’d promised, he’d taken her back home, where he’d edged her for what had felt like hours until she’d promised to never lie to him again before he’d finally taken her. He’d held back though, just like he’d been holding back ever since she’d gotten out of the hospital and she was sick to death of being treated like a fragile little doll.
So if a visit to Dr. Winters was what it took to convince him she wasn’t going to break from being railed a little too hard, then so be it.
When they finally parked in front of the pretty Tudor-style building with its delightful wooden accents and colorful landscaping even in the dead of winter, Frankie had to force herself to stay put until Holden came around to let her out. It was a lesson she’d learned the hard way when they’d been together before and she couldn’t imagine he’d changed his mind about her letting herself out of the car.
Hand in hand, they made their way inside, where they were immediately escorted back so a bouncy nurse with a bright smile could take Frankie’s vitals.
“Blood pressure looks good, heart rate is right on target.” The nurse beamed. “Just need to get your weight and we’ll be good to go.”
Panic wrapped around Frankie’s chest, squeezing so tightly she could barely drag in air. “Yeah. Sure.”
Large, gentle hands came to rest on her shoulders, easing some of the panic. Daddy was here, and he wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. No matter what the number on the scale said, he’d be right there with her.
“Is that really necessary?” he asked, his voice tight with what sounded almost like anger.
To the nurse’s credit, her smile didn’t even falter. “It is. We do have protocols in place if Francesca doesn’t think she’s ready to see her weight just yet, though.”
“No. No, I’m good. I just… I’m good.”
“Frankie.” Turning her to face him, Holden cupped her cheeks, and the worry in his gaze had her fighting back tears. “Are you sure, baby?”
“Yeah. Um. When I was in rehab before, it was part of the recovery process. Getting us used to seeing our weight and not panicking about it. But we were only allowed to weigh once a week, not multiple times a day like I used to when I was really sick. I promise I’ll be okay.”
Still looking unconvinced, Holden nodded slowly. “All right. But you’ll tell me if it upsets you.”
It wasn’t a request, but an order, and for reasons she couldn’t explain that calmed her nerves more than anything. She would lean on him, because he wouldn’t give her a choice. “Yes.”
“Good.”
Time seemed to slow around them as she followed the nurse to the complicated looking scale. Stepping up onto the shiny steel plate, she watched the numbers scramble, her heart lodged firmly in her throat as they settled into place.
Five pounds. She was five pounds heavier than the last time Holden had caught her weighing herself at his house. Since she hadn’t been exercising, that was five pounds of pure fat.
Stomach rolling with disgust, she closed her eyes, reaching for the mantras she’d been taught. My weight does not define my worth. My weight does not define my worth.
“My weight does not define my worth.”
“Damn straight it doesn’t,” Holden growled, pulling her off the scale and straight into his arms. “I don’t give a fuck what the number on that scale says, and neither should you.”
Maybe it made her weak, that his embrace should settle her the way it did. That the tighter he held her, the more it felt like he was gluing the broken pieces inside her back together with just the strength of his arms. But right now, she was willing to be weak, because she was pretty sure she’d fall apart without him.
So she didn’t protest when he swept her up into his arms and carried her into the exam room. Or when he settled on the table, still cradling her on his lap.
“So fucking stubborn.” The words were a low grumble, accompanied by a gentle kiss to her hair. “I wish you’d listen to me, just once in your life.”
“I’m okay. Really,” she insisted when he growled low in his chest, wiggling around so she could look him in the eye. “It gave me a bad moment, but I’m better now.” Surprisingly, it was more or less true. She’d needed to put some weight back on. Objectively, logically, she knew that. And yeah, seeing it there in plain black numbers had been a bit of a shock, but she couldn’t hide from the scale forever.
A knock on the door cut off whatever he’d been about to say, and they both turned to look as Dr. Winters stepped inside, the same wide smile she’d worn at the hospital stretched across her face. “Francesca, Holden. It’s good to see you both.”
“Seriously, please call me Frankie.” Other than her parents, Holden was the only one who ever used her full name.
The doctor’s smile deepened. “Frankie, then. How are you feeling, Frankie?”
“Good. Really good, actually. The big brute here has been making me eat, even when I don’t want to, and according to your scale out there I’ve gained five pounds since he took the bathroom scale away.”
“Excellent news. You look like you’re feeling much better, and your vitals are all looking good, as well. And you’re feeling okay? No more fainting spells?”
“Not even a little dizziness.”
“Have you spoken to your therapist yet?”
Embarrassment heated her cheeks as Holden’s grip on her tightened. “No, not yet. Um, I’m going to call them back today.” Or tomorrow. Some time. Eventually.
Frowning, Dr. Winters sent her a stern glare that would have given any Daddy at Club BDE a run for their money. “You’ve been down this road before, Frankie. You know how important it is to have that support. I’m sure Holden has been great, but he isn’t an expert. Neither am I, for that matter, though I am very happy with how you’re doing physically.”
Eager to steer the conversation away from her nonexistent therapy appointments, Frankie grinned and wiggled her eyebrows. “Does that mean I’m cleared for all my usual activities?”
“I’d say yes. As long as you’re listening to your body and not pushing yourself to the point of exhaustion.”
“Thank god. I swear I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t get my ass beat soon.”
“ Francesca! ”
Ignoring Holden’s horrified tone, she kept her focus on Dr. Winters, who was clearly struggling not to laugh and losing the battle.
“And what about sex? He’s not going to break me by dicking me down too hard, right?”
Dr. Winters coughed to cover a laugh, but there was no hiding the amusement dancing in her eyes. “Well, that depends. How long ago did you relapse? Best guess.”
Shit. She should have known that question was coming. “What does it matter?”
“Bone density loss is a concern with anorexia, and how much of a concern is going to depend on how long you’ve been depriving your body of the nutrients it needs.”
“It’s okay, baby.” Shifting his hold to pull her even more tightly against him, Holden pressed a kiss to her temple. “Nobody’s going to be angry or upset with you. Just be honest.”
Closing her eyes, Frankie swallowed hard, thinking back to the start of school and trying to map out the timeline for when she’d really started to unravel. “Um. Three… maybe four months.”
“Then I think you’re probably okay on the, ah, dicking down front. Like with everything else, just ease back into it. As for the spankings, I would suggest sticking with lighter implements for a while. Hand, small leather paddles. If you need something with a little more oomph behind it, I’d recommend a cane or a switch. No large heavy paddles or straps until you work your way back up to those.” Dr. Winters winked, her smile stretching into a broad, knowing grin. “My brother is the president of a motorcycle club and a few of his brothers frequent Club BDE. I know a thing or two about Daddies and their babygirls.”
“How is your brother these days?” Holden asked.
Everything about Dr. Winters seemed to soften. “Boone’s good. The bakery and the club keep him plenty busy and out of trouble. He actually started a new program, helping guys transition from prison back to civilian life by letting them work for him. Really fucking proud of him.”
“That’s incredible. You know… I need some extra help with security at the club. Not inside the club, but if he has anyone who isn’t a violent offender, I might be able to use them. I’ll give him a call later.”
Twisting in his arms, Frankie stared up at her Daddy, the man she thought she knew pretty damn well until that very moment. “You know the president of a motorcycle gang?”
“Club, not gang,” he corrected her with a smirk. “And yes. They own Rev and Roll downtown. Best goddamn muffins I’ve ever had.”
“This is possibly the most bizarre conversation I’ve ever had.”
“The world is full of surprises,” Dr. Winters said. “Do you have any more questions for me?”
“I have nothing but questions, Dr. Biker Chick.”
Without bothering to hide it this time, Dr. Winters tossed her head back and let out a loud laugh. “About your recovery, specifically.”
“Nope. Really just wanted to know if The Hulk here could finally stop treating me like a china doll.”
“I think you’re more or less clear on that front. I do want to get some bloodwork done, just to be sure your iron is staying where it needs to be and such. I’ll send Cindy in to do that in just a moment. Holden, the front office did have a question for you about the billing, if you wouldn’t mind coming with me to clear that up really quick.”
“You going to be okay if I leave, baby?”
“Oh my god, yes. I can handle a little needle. Go deal with whatever that is and I’ll be waiting here when you get back, you big worrywart.”
Instead of letting her go immediately, however, Holden leaned in, his voice dropping to a low growl. “It’s a good thing the doctor cleared you to get your bottom spanked. Because as soon as we get home, you are going over Daddy’s knee and I am not letting you up again until I’m convinced I’ve spanked all the attitude right out of you, little girl. Think about that while I go deal with whatever this billing problem is.”
As he shifted her to sit on the table, all Frankie could think was It’s about fucking time .