Chapter 16
Frankie
R olling onto her back the next morning, Frankie groaned as all the aches and twinges from the night before made themselves known. She wouldn’t trade her evening with Holden for anything, but in the harsh light of day she could admit that maybe she’d pushed him—and herself—a little too hard.
Before she could force her aching muscles out of bed and into a hot shower that would hopefully help those aches and pains, her phone buzzed on the nightstand beside her. She picked it up, her heart slamming against her ribcage at the sight of her father’s face on the screen.
Why the hell was he calling? Had he heard about her getting kicked out of med school? She’d known it would only be a matter of time before her parents figured it out, but she’d hoped to have a little while longer before she had to confront them.
She spent so long lying there, debating whether she should answer the call or not, it rolled to voicemail. Relief swept over her, but it was short-lived. A second later, the phone buzzed again, and she found herself once more staring at her father’s stern face on her screen.
Stop being such a baby, Frankie. Legares aren’t scared of anything. Not even other Legares.
Pushing herself up in the bed, she dragged in a deep breath and hit the button to answer his call. “Hi, Dad.”
“Francesca. Where the hell are you?”
Never in her life, even when she’d had to quit the track team her senior year because of her eating disorder, had she heard her father sound so furious. Fear froze her in place, and she had to swallow twice before she could find her voice to answer him. “Um. At a friend’s house.”
“When were you planning to tell us you got kicked out of school? Do you realize how fucking embarrassed your mother and I are?”
Anger began to work its way past the fear. “Why would you be embarrassed? You’re not the ones who got kicked out.”
“No, but we had to hear about it at brunch this morning. Dean Michaels was there, and he asked how you were doing, in front of all our friends. How could you humiliate us like this?”
Tears burned in her eyes. There was no concern for her, for how she was doing, nothing. Just for her parents and their reputation . “I wasn’t trying to humiliate you.”
“Well, whether you were trying to or not, you certainly succeeded. Tomorrow morning, we are going down to the school together to work this mess out. You had better hope we’re able to get you back into classes, or you’re completely cut off.”
His words were like a bucket of ice-cold water being dumped on her head. “Dad, they already said?—”
“I don’t give a fuck what they said. Legares don’t give up at the first sign of trouble. If you can’t wrap your head around that, then perhaps you don’t belong in this family.”
Before she even had a chance to process his words, the call ended, leaving her staring at a blank screen.
Perhaps you don’t belong in this family .
Nothing in her life had ever prepared her for the pain stabbing at her chest as those words played over and over in her mind. Pressing the heel of her hand to her heart, she willed it to slow, willed her lungs to open so she could drag in enough air to fill them. But the band of panic around her chest was too tight, and her heart only pounded faster, harder as she tried desperately to just fucking breathe.
Dragging herself out of bed, she stumbled to the shower, turning the spray to ice cold before stepping under the water. The shock of it seemed to snap that band around her chest, and as she stood there shivering, her heartbeat gradually slowed.
Back pressed against the cold tile, she slowly slid to the ground, her arms wrapped around her knees as she rocked back and forth. What the hell was she going to do? She wasn’t even sure she wanted to go back to school, and even if she did want to, she was in no state to do so now. Too fragile, too unstable.
Too weak .
It felt like hours she sat there on the floor of the shower, her mind running in circles as she tried to figure out what she should do next. She was no closer to a solution when she finally forced herself to her feet to change the temperature of the water. Now it beat down on her in a steady, steaming stream as she stood beneath it, closing her eyes as her own hot tears slipped down her cheeks.
Daddy would know what to do. She should tell him about the phone call, tell him how terrified she was, let him help her figure out how to fix this mess she’d gotten herself into. Not only would he be able to help, he’d be furious if she didn’t come to him.
Or, a little voice whispered in the back of her mind, he’d realize just how much of a fucking mess she really was and he’d put her out on her ass. Maybe not literally, he was too much of a gentleman for that, but would he still want to be her Daddy if he realized just how badly she needed him? If he knew she risked losing everything and he’d have to support her not just emotionally but financially as well? Her trust fund wasn’t nothing, but it also wasn’t anything close to the money her parents had.
Best not to risk it. She’d meet up with her father tomorrow, let him try and bully the school into taking her back. If he succeeded, well… she’d cross that proverbial bridge when she came to it. Same as if he didn’t succeed and he decided to cut her off.
Maybe Braden needed more help at the club. Surely she could learn to wait tables. Lottie had learned, and while she didn’t love it, she didn’t seem to hate it, either. At least if she picked up a couple shifts at the club, she could contribute something toward her room and board without relying on Holden and without putting too large of a dent in her savings. God only knew how long she’d need that money and it wouldn’t last forever.
Satisfied with her plan of action, such as it was, she switched the shower off and stepped out to grab a towel. Only then did she realize Holden hadn’t shown up yet to check in on her, which seemed odd.
Had he decided to give up on her already? The thought had her blood running cold as she pulled on a pair of leggings and a shirt.
Or maybe he’s just working. Not everything is about you, Francesca.
Right. Probably just working.
Feeling steadier, she made her way downstairs. She’d get herself something to eat, prove to him she was getting better, that she could take care of herself if she had to. So maybe if her dad did cut her off, Holden wouldn’t see her as so much of a burden.
But her plan was thwarted by the sight of him at the stove and the smell of bacon frying. He looked up when she stepped into the kitchen, and although he smiled, it seemed tight at the edges.
“I heard the shower and thought you might like some breakfast.”
Her stomach was rumbling, but the thought of all that fatty bacon made her want to gag. “Sure. Um. Does it have to be bacon?”
“No, we have plenty of other options. What would you like?”
Anxiety crept up her spine, itchy fingers beneath her skin. She’d gotten so used to him just putting food in front of her or giving her limited choices, and the idea of choosing for herself suddenly seemed far too big.
You can do this. Stop being a big baby and just make a decision.
“What are my options?”
If Holden noticed her voice was a little too high, a little too tight, he didn’t comment. “Eggs, oatmeal, and there’s plenty of fruit to choose from. There’s also the yogurt you asked me to buy.”
Yogurt. Yogurt was nice and safe. And even though she was supposed to be pushing her boundaries a bit and not just relying on her safe foods, after the call she’d gotten that morning, she needed something safe.
“I’ll just get some yogurt. Thanks.”
Silence fell in the kitchen, save for the sound of the bacon crackling in the pan. It should have been comfortable, as it had been so many times before between them, but she couldn’t shake the feeling there was something brewing beneath that silence. No matter how many times she tried to shrug it off, to tell herself it was just residual nervousness from her conversation with her father, that nagging feeling just wouldn’t go away.
She waited for him to finish cooking his own breakfast before grabbing her yogurt from the fridge and settling at the table with him. And when he looked up, his expression more serious than she could ever remember seeing it, her breath clogged in her throat.
Breathe. Just breathe. Whatever it is, you can handle it. You’re a fucking Legare.
“We need to talk.”
No shit. Swallowing the sarcastic response, she nodded and focused on peeling the top off her yogurt. “About?”
“You know I care about you, Frankie.” His laugh was forced, tinged with bitterness. “That’s the understatement of the year. I’m in love with you, and I have been since the first moment I laid eyes on you. The problem is, you don’t love me.”
Forget breathing. How the fuck was she supposed to do that when there was a vice around her chest, squeezing every ounce of air from her lungs?
She’d known he cared about her. Was obsessed with her even. But love?
“You don’t love me.” Even as the words burst out of her, she winced. What an asshole thing to say the first time someone confessed their feelings for you. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”
One silver eyebrow raised, drawing attention to his eyes, which were carefully void of any emotion. “How did you mean it, then?”
“Just that you don’t know me. Not really. You know the fun, sexy version of me that’s always up for a good time. The bratty version that likes pushing your buttons. I’m a fucking mess, Holden, and you can’t love me because I’m?—”
“Choose your next words very carefully, little girl.” The warning came out as a low growl, and now his eyes were anything but empty. Fury burned in the brown, and a muscle jumped in his jaw as though he were working very hard to hold his anger back. “Because if you are going to say anything about how I deserve better, or you’re too fucked-up to be loved, you’re going to have a very difficult time sitting comfortably the rest of the day.”
“You can’t just threaten to spank me whenever I say something you don’t like.” Though the fact that he had loosened the tightness around her chest, at least somewhat. If he was threatening her, it was because he still cared, so maybe he wasn’t completely done with her after all.
“I can when you’re talking shit about the woman I love.”
Throwing her hands up in the air, she flopped back in her chair, annoyance and relief battling in her chest. “I’m so confused. Are you dumping me or not?”
“It’s nothing quite as straightforward as that. Like I said, we need to talk.”
“About what , exactly?”
“Well, for starters…” He paused, and she got the impression he was weighing his next words very carefully, which did nothing for the anxiety running prickly fingers up and down her spine. “Why did you call me when you were in the hospital? You could have called Lottie, any of the girls from the club. But you chose me, even though you’ve barely given me the time of day since you ended things. Why?”
Swallowing hard, she jerked a shoulder. “I dunno.”
“Then that’s something I need you to think about. Did you call me because you wanted me or did you call me because you didn’t think you had anywhere else to go?”
Hearing it laid out so bluntly was a blow she hadn’t been expecting. “I wish I could answer that for you.”
His lips curved just slightly, but the smile didn’t touch his eyes. “Yeah, I wish you could, too. And I wish I could ignore that feeling in my gut that says it was the latter, but I can’t. So what I need is to know that you’re here, with me, because you want to be. I need to know I’m not just your last resort.”
It was all entirely fair. And still, it felt like someone had stabbed a knife right through her heart. “I do want to be here.”
“But would you be here if you hadn’t ended up in that hospital bed, knowing you couldn’t go back to school or to your parents?”
“I-I don’t know. I’m sorry, I know that’s not the answer you want and I know it’s a shitty one, but I’m trying to be honest.”
“I know. I appreciate the honesty, even if it isn’t what I want to hear.”
She had to swallow the lump in her throat to ask the next question, the one she didn’t actually want him to answer. “So… what do we do now?”
Leaning back in his chair a bit, he raked a hand through his hair, and her heart clenched at the sight of her huge, commanding Daddy looking so uncertain. “Take some time, think about what you want. From me, from our relationship. Not just right now or until you’re better, but long term.”
“Oh.” For a long moment, she could only stare at him as her mind scrambled for something to say. “I can’t really think about the long term right now. Not when everything is still so…” At a loss, she gestured vaguely around her.
“And that’s my point.” God, he looked so fucking sad . “I’m not pushing you to make a decision right now, because you do have so much going on. And I will be here for you through all of that, if that’s what you need from me right now. You have a place in my home, however long you need it.”
Oh, thank god. At least he wasn’t kicking her out.
As soon as that thought flitted through her mind, she felt like an asshole. Was that really all she wanted from him? A place to stay, someone to take care of her? If it was, what did that say about the kind of person she was?
“But,” he continued, and her entire body tensed in anticipation of the blow to come. “I was up all night, trying to figure out the best way to handle this. And I think we need a little space, so we can both figure out what we want from our relationship. If you still want me to be your Daddy in the sense of setting rules and boundaries for you, disciplining you, we can do that. But the romantic and sexual aspect of our relationship needs to be put on hold until we’re both sure that you’re not just here because you need to be but because you want to be.”
Logically, she could see the fairness in the compromise. If he was in love with her as he claimed, it wasn’t right to demand things from him that would make the situation even more difficult than it was.
But on the heels of the conversation with her father, it just felt like another rejection. Another reminder of why she wasn’t good enough. An ache settled low in her chest, and she was tempted to tell him to fuck right off with his offer. That she’d go to Lottie’s until she figured out what to do with herself.
But thought of leaving him—and, she was forced to admit, his strict discipline—was more than she could bear. Maybe it made her a selfish bitch, but she did need him. Needed his rules, the way he looked after her, at least for a little while longer. Maybe once she got better, she could dig down into the difference between needing him and wanting him, but for now…
“Okay.”
Holden narrowed his eyes slightly. “I need you to be specific right now, Francesca.”
Breath hitching at the sternness in his tone, she nodded. “Okay, you can be my Daddy. I… it hasn’t been as hard, sticking to my plan, as I thought it would be. And I know that’s because of you. I’m really grateful for your help.”
“I love you, Francesca. I’m not the type of man to stand by and watch you continue to hurt yourself, even if you’re not really mine.”
Not really mine. The words were more of a blow than she’d expected. “I know. You’re a good man.”
Snorting out a laugh, he shook his head. “A good man wouldn’t want the things I’m going to want when you agree to be mine forever, Francesca. I’m a hard man. A demanding man. And when you are finally mine , you’re going to learn exactly what it means to be Daddy’s little girl.”
“You almost make that sound like a threat.”
He smirked, looking more like himself than he had all morning, and butterflies exploded in her stomach. “Not a threat. A promise. One I have every intention of keeping for the rest of my life.”