Liz #3
Embarrassment hit me hard when I realized that it sounded like I was calling myself her girlfriend. But it didn’t look like she caught it.
She closed her eyes the moment she took a bite. “Fuck, this is good.”
The tension in my shoulders disappeared. “Good. I’m glad you like it.”
I watched her as she ate, warmness filling my chest.
I like taking care of her.
The thought came unbridled and had my cheeks heating.
“I never had a girlfriend,” she said, looking at me and catching me off guard. “Also, where’s your plate?”
I sat up straight. “You never had a girlfriend? You do not fuck like you never had a girlfriend.”
As soon as the words were out of my mouth, I clapped my hand over it. There was a pregnant pause before Jax exploded in laughter.
My skin heated, and I sat back in the chair with my arms folded.
“Glad to know I’m getting high rankings on my performance,” she said finally, a smile spreading across her face.
When she got up, I almost protested, but she waved me off. She grabbed a plate for me and started dishing up some of the food.
“Eat before I’m tempted to ask why you feel like you can’t eat at the table with me.”
Was it weird for the two of us to eat together at the table where she’d fucked me? Yes, but it was even weirder that I felt like I wanted to tell her the truth.
“It was a habit that started when Claire was young. By the time I had taken a few bites, she was usually done eating, and I had to help her clean up. When she was older, I was busy taking care of Trevor’s needs—whatever they might be—and often found myself eating alone or not at all.”
I took a bite of the roasted vegetables, satisfied that they didn’t come out too mushy.
Jax gave me a long look before she began eating again.
“That was my sharing session,” I added, giving her a pointed look. “Now it’s your turn. I won’t ask you why you came home like that, but I am going to ask you why you thought I wouldn’t care about you.”
She froze, going so still I was afraid she had stopped breathing entirely. When she put her silverware down, she took a deep breath.
“I struggle with… Damn, I really didn’t think I was going to get into this.”
“Take your time. This can be as serious or as casual as you want.” I took a bite of my food again. I almost added that she didn’t have to tell me, but curiosity was winning.
And I want to help her.
“I struggle with…” She paused. “I want to be wanted.”
I nodded as I tried to wrap my head around those words.
“I would be very surprised if no one has wanted you.”
I was trying to make light of it by obviously referencing how hot she was, but her smirk didn’t last long enough.
“I did grow up to be pretty hot, I have to admit. Thanks for noticing. But… I was an unwanted child. I don’t want to get into the specifics, but that followed me into middle and high school, and people… really didn’t like the weird kid.”
She took her silverware and started playing with her food. I recognized it as a way not to meet my gaze.
“I was bullied and didn’t have any friends, so I found myself being a punching bag until I decided to start fighting back.
Once they realized they couldn’t fight me, they moved on to…
other targets. Kind of why I started my security company.
But anyway, no, I didn’t have girlfriends in the sense people usually mean it.
I don’t have experience with serious relationships. And I just want to be… wanted.”
She let out a long breath and refused to look at me, so I reached over and grabbed her hand.
“After the divorce, I thought I would never feel desire again. I didn’t know what it meant.
In my mind, it was… unthinkable that anyone would want someone like me.
I was damaged goods.” I held my hand up when she opened her mouth.
“Was. You have definitely changed things for me. And I want you to know you are wanted. I want you. And…”
I closed my mouth, pushing my lips into a tight line. How far am I willing to go with this? How much do I actually want to tell her?
“I care about you,” I finally landed on.
I didn’t tell her how she was constantly on my mind. How I missed her when she wasn’t around. How, when she’d walked in, my heart had dropped to the floor, and I truly felt like something awful had happened.
How all I wanted to do was fix it and make it so she never made that face again.
That felt like too much.
She finally looked up at me and smiled. That smile had butterflies unleashing in my tummy.
“So it’s not just my irresistible body that you’re after?”
The teasing in her tone had me relaxing in my seat.
“No,” I said with a laugh. “Not just that. But that’s a plus, don’t get me wrong or anything.”
“Good,” she said, and lifted another bite to her mouth. “Because otherwise I’d worry this thing was just one-sided.”
I averted my gaze then and fully focused on my food, making her laugh this time.
God, this feels like everything I’ve been missing.
It felt… good. More than good.
And the longer the night went on, the harder it was for me to convince myself there was anything wrong with it.