Chapter 16
UNTIL LAST NIGHT
MY RIGHT EAR BURNS, apparently from sleeping on my right side all night. Even though I was knocked out, I don’t feel like I got any rest.
My mouth and throat feel dry, so I sit up and take a few sips of the water Henry left for me on Gemma’s nightstand.
Flashbacks of last night hit me in erratic surges.
I don’t trust myself to know what’s real and what’s not.
I wish some of those memories were dreams, but they’re not.
I do remember kissing Henry, though. I’m trying to piece out my conversation with him, but I cannot access it in a linear timeline.
All I know is I fucked up badly by kissing him. Not only did I cheat on Liam by doing so, but I’m afraid of losing Henry because of it. Why would he deem me a trustworthy person after this?
My head feels like it’s about to explode, and I remember Henry giving me two Tylenol last night, so I guess those didn’t work. Or they did, and only God knows what state I would’ve found myself in this morning if I hadn’t taken them.
I take a deep breath and let it out with a sigh, remembering how Henry said he’d pick me up at eight for tennis practice.
I hope he said that out of anger, to teach me a lesson for drinking when I shouldn’t have.
The thought of training today feels like a stretch.
Impossible. I’ll be lucky if I make it downstairs without passing out.
“Morning, pretty,” Liam says in his lovely accent. His unexpected presence makes me flinch. I turn to see him lying next to me in Gemma’s king-sized bed.
He’s fully clothed, wearing jeans and a button-down shirt with half the buttons undone.
I’m embarrassed and invaded by a heavy feeling of dread of knowing what kind of conversation we’re about to have.
I’m going to hurt him. There’s no way around the inevitability of it.
There’s no way I can keep that kiss with Henry from last night hidden from him, nor do I want to keep it a secret.
There’s no easy or painless way to do it, but I know I have to rip off the Band-Aid and come clean about it.
“Good morning,” I reply, doing my best to summon a smile before realizing that doing so only intensifies the building pressure behind my eyes. The nerves about the anticipation of what’s about to happen have reached my stomach, filling it with butterflies of the ugly kind.
“How are you feeling?” he asks, opening his arms and wiggling his fingers. “Come here.”
I rest my cheek against his chest. He wraps his arms around my waist and presses a kiss to my hair.
I love and care about him so damn much, but I’m not in love with him.
Deep down, I know Liam’s not the one for me, and it kills me, because I really thought he was.
Or that he could be. But that was before Henry came back into my life and lit a match I can’t seem to put out.
I hate him for it.
I hate that what I feel for him is so consuming, it pulled me in and tipped everything over the edge. But I’m ready to face the consequences head-on.
“I missed you,” Liam says softly, caressing my arm with his fingers. “I was worried sick about you last night.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, my voice low and broken. “I messed up.”
“It’s okay. We’ve all had one of those nights when we had too much to drink. You’re probably exhausted and jet-lagged from your trip.”
“Henry and I kissed last night,” I confess, surprised by my own bluntness.
It hurts even more to say it out loud. And I’m a coward for not looking at him as I say this.
He deserves at least that much. So I sit up and meet Liam’s gaze, taking in how his lovely brown eyes are clouded with hurt and confusion.
He must feel blindsided. Watching his pain unfold right in front of me is breaking the part of my heart that still belongs to him.
He gnaws at his lower lip and looks away, seemingly at a loss for words.
The silence stretches, heavy and unbearable, as I brace myself for him to explode, to tell me what a horrible person I am.
But I’ll listen. I’ll take it. Even though I was ready to end things, I’ll let him be the one to say it’s over and that I don’t deserve him because I don’t.
I know I don’t. Right now, I don’t feel deserving of anything good.
Finally, he sits on the edge of the bed, and I hurry to sit beside him, my way of letting him know I’m ready and wide open to receive the blow that’s coming.
But it never comes. Instead, he looks me in the eye and says, “Does he love you, Belén?” His voice threatens to break, but it doesn’t. “Like I love you?”
This is the first time Liam tells me that he loves me.
It throws me off balance. I wasn’t expecting him to say it, and his question is not one that I have the answer to.
At least not at this moment. Henry loves and cares for me as a friend, that much I know.
And when he kissed me, it felt like time stood still, like everything in this world clicked and made sense.
Like everything was perfect and I didn’t feel as alone, angry, and sad as I usually do.
But those were my feelings and my experience.
Even if an optimistic side of me tells me Henry might feel the same way I do—hopes that he does—I’m not feeling optimistic. Or hopeful about anything, really.
“I don’t know, Liam,” I admit. “We barely talked after it happened. He said it was a mistake. That we’d messed up. And then he left.”
Laying it out like that is brutal. But I owe him the truth.
“So he gets to kiss you, call it a mistake, and walk away like some noble martyr?” Liam scoffs, bitterness creeping into his voice.
I flinch, but I can’t argue with him. What else is there to say?
“What is it that you want, Belén?” he asks, his warm honey eyes locked onto mine.
The shame and guilt twist inside me like a knife.
It feels naive to claim I know what I want, especially since I only realized last night, while drunk, that my heart is leaning toward Henry. How can I trust myself to understand anything clearly?
All I know is I can’t keep hurting Liam. Letting this emotional confusion linger will only make things worse.
“I know I don’t want to hurt you. And I already have, more than a few times.
But please believe me when I say it was never my intention.
You need to know that. I’m the one who hasn’t been able to get my ducks in a row or my feelings in check.
And ever since Henry came back to New York, everything’s been a mess in my head. ”
“I’m done, Belén,” he says, resting his elbows on his knees and taking his hands to his face to rub it a few times.
This doesn’t feel like the many times we’ve argued in the past where we “ended things.” No.
In the weight and pain of his voice, I can hear how serious he is about it this time, and I don’t blame him.
The trust is broken, and I can’t be in a relationship with him anymore after what happened. I’m sure he can’t either.
I was already halfway out. I just didn’t close the door soon enough.
A selfish and immature part of me wants to drop to my knees and beg him to forgive me, to give us one more shot.
But I can’t. Not when Henry’s still on my mind.
That kiss. Those lips. Those eyes. That heart I’ve loved and trusted since I was a kid.
And deep down, I know asking Liam to stay would only be a way to avoid the pain of losing him.
Of admitting it’s really over. Because I will miss him.
And it will hurt. But wanting to stop the hurt isn’t the same as wanting him back.
It’s time to grow up.
Liam wets his lips and meets my gaze with a newfound intensity that makes me inch backward. “How long has this been happening behind my back? I need to know.”
“Since last night,” I say quickly. I don’t want him to think there’s been something ongoing with Henry because there hasn’t been.
“I was drunk, sad, and conflicted, and we kissed. I’ve known Henry my whole life.
He used to be my best friend before he left, and ever since he came back, we’ve been trying to figure out our friendship.
And it hasn’t been easy.” I pause to breathe.
“I’m so sorry, Liam. I really am. But I promise you, he’s been nothing but respectful and professional since becoming my coach. And so have I.”
“Until last night.” Liam lets out a sarcastic chuckle that screams I’m so fucking done with your shit, and again, I don’t blame him. He stands to grab his socks and shoes, then sits on the padded bench by the bed to put them on.
“Until last night,” I echo, letting my head hang for a few seconds because I cannot stop feeling like shit. “We crossed a line. And we shouldn’t have. I take full responsibility.”
I’ve failed him. Failed myself. And there’s nothing I hate more than the feeling of giving it your all and still not doing the right thing.
“I never meant to hurt you.” The words spill from the bottom of my heart.
They’re true. But I know now I wasn’t giving it my all.
The fact that I convinced myself I was doesn’t make it any less wrong.
I wasn’t fully there with Liam. My mind was always bouncing between a million other things.
It had nothing to do with Henry. I’ve felt like this even before he came back.
But him reappearing the way he did wasn’t helpful.
Liam nods a few times. There’s nothing much left to say. I wasn’t as invested in the relationship as he was, and I ended up hurting him. It’s all on me.
In the thick silence that follows, he stands to grab his phone and wallet from the nightstand. His eyes sweep the room, like he’s making sure he’s not leaving anything behind, including whatever dignity he has left after this. He slips both items into his pockets and walks toward the door.
“Can I walk you out?” I ask before he crosses the threshold.
He glances over his shoulder and nods. I look down and realize I’m still only wearing a T-shirt, so I grab my phone and the pajama bottoms Gemma left out for me last night and pull them on. I hurry after Liam, who’s already halfway down the hall.
As we’re walking down the stairs, Gemma’s laughter fills the room. I lean on the railing to see her sitting in the living room with Tobias. Both of them sipping on green juice. Gemma’s still wearing her pajamas.
The doorbell rings as I take the final step on the staircase. I look at my phone screen and it’s 8:00 a.m. sharp. My blood drops to my feet knowing that Henry’s probably behind that door. I don’t want there to be any more drama.
Gemma jumps up to her feet and sees to the door, but it’s not Henry.
“Morning, Gemma,” Robbie says with a frown, giving her a quick once-over.
Gemma returns the greeting as he steps inside, carrying a small bag.
“Hey, man!” Robbie walks over to Liam and gives him a brotherly hug.
Tobias appears from the living room, sipping his green juice. Robbie snorts at the sight of him.
“Robbie, this is Tobias. Tobias, this is Robbie, Belén’s brother,” Liam says. Tobias grins and holds out his hand, which Robbie shakes with a tight smile. “And this is Belén.”
“Hey,” I say, exchanging nods when all I can think about is crawling back to Gemma’s bed. I’m sure I look like I’ve been run over by a school bus, but it doesn’t matter anymore. It's not like I’m not going to see Tobias again anytime soon, so I don’t care if I make a good first impression or not.
“This is yours,” Robbie says, handing me the bag. “Clothes and such. For your tennis practice. Henry’s waiting for you at the country club.”
The simple mention of Henry’s name in front of Liam makes my stomach twist into knots. It must be painful for Liam to know that I’ll keep seeing Henry every day, especially today after what happened.
“Let’s go,” Liam says to Tobias after I take the bag. Thinking about getting dressed for practice makes me want to puke.
“Tony’s waiting outside,” Robbie adds. I glance out the massive floor-to-ceiling window and spot our white Suburban parked right behind a stunning black Porsche. “Why don’t you go get ready while I talk to Gemma.”
I nod, too drained to argue with Robbie’s bossy tone.
He probably wants Gemma to fill in the blanks about last night.
But she’s already lifting a brow and crossing her arms at her chest in a defiant way, clearly annoyed with his attitude.
And I can’t help but wonder what Robbie wants to talk to Gemma about.
“It was nice meeting you guys,” Tobias says. The tension in the room is palpable. You don’t have to be a genius to notice that things are tense between Liam and me. “Thank you for the hospitality.”
“Of course,” Gemma says with a grin, shyly tucking her hair behind her ear.
Tobias is a stunner. I wonder what his brother William looks like in person, because Tobias is somehow even better-looking than he is on the big screen. And Gemma’s without a doubt reacting to his beauty. She’s a fan of his and always wanted to meet him.
“I’ll text you the address of that Thai place I was telling you about,” Tobias says, placing his hands on Liam’s shoulders and steering him toward the door.
“Thanks!” Gemma replies with a coy smile. It’s funny and unusual seeing her act so shy around a guy when she’s usually the picture of flirty confidence.
Robbie steps aside to let Liam and Tobias walk out the front door. He turns to Gemma and asks if they can have a word. She says a final goodbye to Liam and Tobias before following Robbie, who’s already heading toward the living room.
I can’t let him leave like this.
The thought hits me square in the chest before I even register it.
“Liam, wait,” I say, rushing outside to stop him.
He turns around, his face unreadable.
“I’ll start the car,” Tobias says, walking away.
Without thinking twice, I throw my arms around Liam’s waist and hug him. It might not be the best idea, but I care about him, and I want him to know that. I need him to know that.
He hugs me back, and that’s what undoes me. My chest cracks open, and the tears come fast. I already know I’m going to miss him.
For a split second, the question creeps in. Am I making a mistake by letting him go? He’s been good to me. Loyal. Steady. But that tiny whisper of doubt? That’s not love. It’s guilt and grief pretending to be love. And I know that now. Deep down, we were never meant to last.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper, pressing my forehead against his chest.
“Goodbye, Belén,” he says softly. “I hope you get what you’re looking for.”
I stay there for a moment, watching him walk away, feeling the weight of everything that’s shifted in the past twenty-four hours settle over me.
And now I have to face Henry.
I don’t know what I’ll see in his eyes. Regret? Distance? Hope?
One look, and I’ll have my answer.