22. Logan
logan
I was sitting on the back porch, watching the fire from a distance, and debating when I wanted to take Lue home. We had work in the morning, and she was coming out with me to round up cattle.
I love having Lue work with me. Even though I knew ranching was likely not in her future, I feel it was something she would always know how to do. She would know how to ride a horse, how to take care of a ranch and a home, how to brand cattle, and frankly, how to run a business.
“Hey, man.” CT comes over and takes the seat next to me. Laughter erupts from the other side of the porch, and I smile slightly at the noise.
“Hey,” I reply, taking a sip of the iced tea in my hand. Normally I’d have a beer, but I wasn’t feeling it tonight.
“Isolating yourself?”
I swing my head to face him and see the sarcastic smirk on his face. “You’re one to talk. ”
“I’m just hiding from the wedding talk for a while.”
“Getting cold feet?” I ask, my gut telling me there was no way. But I knew after watching the last few years that CT struggled with letting people in and letting others help him.
When he and Dani were having issues after they got back together, I was the one who witnessed his panic attacks. I was also the one who caused some of it by telling him to get his head out of his ass.
I almost feel bad about that, but not really.
Dani is like a sister to me, she is important. Cade was who made her happy, but it took him a minute to get to where he wouldn’t let her down.
“Never,” he replies seriously, looking me in the eye. “I’m ready to marry her, Cash. Nothing will stop that.”
I raise my hands in surrender. “Okay then. I’m happy for you two.”
“Yeah.” He rubs his hand over his jaw. “Think you could do me a favor?”
“Name it,” I said, and I meant it.
“Think you could stand up with me at the wedding?”
I blink in surprise and slowly nod my head. “Sure, buddy.”
He nods once and lets out a sigh. “Graham is my best man, and Warren will be there too.” He references his best friend from elementary school. Warren is a good guy. “But I wanted you and Stet to be there too. Hell.” He shrugs. “I’d ask Mitch and Jax, but they’re not answering their phones for me.”
“Really?” I haven’t tried to call my brothers in a while—my brain has been occupied with a brunette lately.
“Yeah, I left voicemails, so I’m kind of hoping they’ll show,” he said with uncertainty.
Jax didn’t come home for Christmas last year, which was unexpected. Mitch showed up for the day, then was gone before I could even have a full conversation with him.
I have no idea where I went wrong with our relationship, where I blew it to the point where my brothers weren’t answering one of our collective best friends to be there for not only his wedding, but our cousin’s wedding.
“Well, they’ll probably show up.”
CT gives me a look like I’m full of shit, and maybe I am. But hoping for that is better than just giving up the thought of it all together.
“Well, they better hurry. Saturday will be here before we know it.”
I blink in surprise. “Saturday? This Saturday?”
“Yup.” He nods.
“Damn, when did you have time to plan a wedding?”
As far as I knew, he and Dani were focused on their business. It was growing rapidly and getting the attention of everyone around, keeping their schedules full.
Especially Dani’s therapy business.
“I didn’t. Dani didn’t really care so long as it was intimate and here on the property, so her mom and Didi have been doing the planning. I think my dad is handling the maintenance of the property, plus Quinn is helping too.”
“Wow.” I stare at my friend for a moment. Less than a week from now, he would be my cousin and a husband.
There was something small and niggling in the back of my mind, something like jealousy that he was able to have that so soon in his life, and I was just now with someone I could see being with for the long haul.
When I signed that contract in the courthouse, when we put that faith in each other, I won’t deny that I pictured what it would all be like if it was real.
I could definitely see it.
I could see her going to church with me and then coming here on Sunday afternoons.
I could see her in my bed every morning when I left for work, pressing a kiss to her forehead before leaving.
I could see coming home to her every night or going to the restaurant to visit her before I went home because I couldn’t go that long without kissing her.
I could see us building a house or getting something bigger for all of us. I could see her filling that role for Lue that was always missing.
And I could see us having more kids, little feet running around the house, screams of laughter and joy always making our house feel like it was coming alive.
My heart pinches uncomfortably in my chest as I think about all of those things, and I feel like I can’t breathe.
Now that I’ve envisioned it, now that I’ve allowed my brain to go down that road, I want to make it happen.
But it was far too soon for that.
We were just…dating, feeling each other out.
We were serious, though. I was serious about how I felt about her.
“You okay, man? You got lost there for a minute.”
I blink and look back at him. “Oh yeah, I’m good.”
“So, hey, can you take over operations next week?” His voice is low, and I realize he’s trying to tell me something in confidence.
I lean closer and nod my head. “Yeah, man, no problem.”
“Your head and arm are good? ”
Frankly, I’ve barely thought about my injuries over the last couple of weeks. “Yeah. I’m set.”
“Cool. I’m taking Dani on a surprise honeymoon. She thinks we can’t, with the timing of the business, but I’ve already contacted her clients and mine and got us a few days so we could go somewhere.”
“Dani will love that, man.” She would, too. Dani wasn’t a huge traveler—she tied herself down with work and obligations.
If anyone needed a vacation from how hard she worked, it was Dani.
“Yeah, I hope so.” CT peels at the label of his beer and sighs.
“You good?”
“I’m good, it’s just…” He leans forward, resting his elbows on his knees and staring down at the bottle in his hands. “I’m fucking grateful. It’s stupid, but I am.”
I don’t say anything for a minute, wondering exactly what he was talking about.
“I wish my mom could see us now.” He shrugs his shoulders, a small, sad tilt to his mouth. “She would be fucking thrilled that Dani and I are getting married, that we are building what we are together.”
Roughly seven years ago, CT’s mom passed away from cancer. It was the thing that tore him and Dani apart. It hit CT hard when it happened. They had been really close, and losing her had made him lose a part of himself.
“I mean, she probably wouldn’t say it like that, but yeah,” I say to lighten the tension.
He laughs. “Yeah, she’d beat my ass for saying that.”
“More than likely. Then mine for laughing at it.”
We laugh, both thinking of Donna. She’d been like an aunt to me, just like Aunt Sandra is. Our families had been so intertwined growing up that there were people who didn’t even know whose kids were whose.
“She’s watching you, man,” I say, giving into my sentimental side for my friend’s sake. “She’s up there right now, watching this all unfold exactly as she planned it to.”
He smirks a little. “Probably so.”
“And hey, you’re doing the right thing,” I say, then, just to poke. “Finally.”
He reaches over and slams his fist into my arm. “Thanks a lot.”
I rub my arm, my mouth open slightly. “Sheesh, your gratitude is overwhelming.”
“Yeah, well.” He shrugs again and leans back in his chair.
We sit and watch our family laugh. Dani eventually wanders over and sits in his lap, and we talk about whatever comes to mind.
But I can’t help but think that something was missing from the day, and I know exactly who it was.