30. Thea
thea
“Lue, I know practice is important, but I’ve never seen someone memorize something so thoroughly.”
The almost fourteen-year-old looks at me, and I see the set of stubbornness in her jaw that she clearly got from her father. I almost smile.
“It never hurts to be prepared.”
“You’re right.” I nod, leaning against the table.
We sit at one of the open tables in the middle of the bar. The August heat pushes people indoors, including the bar, for something cold to drink.
I watch out to make sure my sisters don’t need any help before turning back to Lue.
“Don’t you think you’re ready?”
Lue sighs. “The play starts this weekend. I need to be ready.”
I look at her, and she notices the look on my face, giggling a little. “You’re ready.”
She grabs for the straw in her drink, stirring it around, and seems to lose her happiness for a moment. Lue is a naturally happy kid, but I can recognize when someone needs a minute to gather whatever seems to be bothering them.
Over the last month, we’ve seen a lot of each other. Most nights, even. I go to their house on my nights off, sometimes Lue is there, and sometimes she’s not.
But when she is, we’ve formed our own little family.
We cook dinner, we chat, we dance in the kitchen, we watch movies. I’ve never experienced the type of family life like I have when I’m with Logan and Lue.
Logan and I have only had a few nights together since the first night, but each time it grows more and more special. At least, to me it does.
And even though we don’t get much time alone right now, he still does things that make me feel special.
He still comes every Friday night and swings me around the dance floor, he still shows up at some point on Sundays and picks me up for time at the ranch, and he still comes every Tuesday and takes me aside for a moment to check in with me, despite the heckling that comes from his friends.
I feel like I’m living a fairytale, and I don’t want it to end.
“What happens after the play?” Lue’s no-nonsense question drags me out of my thoughts, and I blink at her, clasping my hands together on the table.
“What do you mean?”
She gives me a look only a teen can and rolls her eyes. “I mean…with you and my dad. I know you only started helping me because of my dad.”
I blink at her. “Lue, that is not why I’m helping you.” I pause to think through this. I don’t ever want Lue to think that my practicing with her has anything to do with Logan. “I love helping you, and I love hanging out with you.”
“But I won’t have a reason to come here after the play starts.”
I let my jaw drop slightly. “That’s not true, you don’t need a reason to come here. But even if that reason is just to hang out with me, isn’t that reason enough?”
She bites her lip, and I see that vulnerability in her eyes. It’s the same emotion I probably wear on my face whenever I give in to something Logan is reassuring me of. “Really? I can just come to hang out?”
I reach across the table, grabbing her hands. “Lue, you are obligated to come and bother me whenever you want. I demand it.”
A slow grin breaks out on her lips, and I smile at her. “Come on.” I shake her hands. “How could you possibly think I’d only want to hang out with your dad?”
She shrugs, going back to her soda on the table, and her blue eyes meet mine. “Because you love him.”
I choke on my spit, my brain and mouth not working to refute her statement. Before I can say anything, Annmarie comes over and plops in one of the chairs at the table.
Lue, unfazed by her ability to completely knock me on my ass, looks over at Annmarie. “You’re coming to my play, right?”
Annmarie, unbothered by being real, groans. “Shakespeare?”
Lue rolls her eyes like she’s been around us girls forever. She fits in seamlessly. “You know it’s Shakespeare.”
“I’m not really a Shakespeare person.”
Lue opens her eyes wide, tilts her head down, and pushes her bottom lip out, pouting at Annmarie.
Annmarie looks at me, a horrified look on her face. “What the shit is this? ”
I laugh at her, the look of shock and, well, pure horror nearly undoing me. “That’s your future favorite niece asking you to come and support her,” Lue answers for me. Boldly, I might add.
If I didn’t know any better, I would think she knows more than she lets on. But Logan wouldn’t tell her without telling me he told her, right?
I’m giving myself a headache.
Annmarie curses under her breath. “Fine. I’ll come.” She holds up a finger. “One time.”
“Deal.” Lue holds her hand out for Annmarie to shake it, and I giggle at the look on my sister’s face—she just got guilt-tripped hard.
She sits back and sighs. “I miss Phee being here.”
I nod. “She was a lot of help. But she’s where she’s supposed to be.”
“Is she designing again?” Lue asks, and I nod my head.
Last week, some guy from her program back in New York showed up and asked her—or begged her more like—to come back and rejoin the design program. They had another one starting for fall semester, and he didn’t want her to miss it.
The man was a little old to be in college, but Ophelia was tight-lipped about the situation, and I was just proud of her for getting back to it. It was where she belonged, despite the fact I loved having her here.
Whoever it was that showed up to take her back had looked at her like she was more than just a fellow student, and I was glad she had someone there who clearly cared for her.
“I can’t wait to see what she comes up with,” Lue says, her eyes wandering around the room. “I bet she hits it big.”
“Time can only tell.”
After a while, I take Lue home so she can get ready for work tomorrow, which I’m learning is shadowing Dani mostly. She does clean out the stalls some, to “build character” as Logan puts it, but mostly she helps with the horses and Dani’s clients.
Once we’ve had dinner, and she’s in the shower, Logan leads me over to the couch, sitting us so that I’m lying with my head in his lap, and he’s running his fingers through my hair.
I stare at him for a moment, memorizing how this feels and the solemn, content look on his face as he stares at the TV, his other hand flipping channels.
Noticing or feeling my stare, he glances down at me and smiles. “You okay?”
“Does Lue know?” I say, my mind going over her “future niece” comment.
He glances down at me and frowns, a small smile on his face. “Know what?”
“That we’re married.” Wow, that’s the first time I’ve said it out loud.
Logan freezes, clearly not expecting me to say that either, and glances toward the bathroom door. She’s too far to hear us, but he looks anyway.
“No, she doesn’t.” He bites at the inside of his cheek, his hand still combing through my hair like he doesn’t even realize he’s still doing it. “I’ve thought about telling her, multiple times. I don’t enjoy leaving her out of stuff.”
I tell him about the comment she made to Annmarie today, and his answer is to laugh at the interaction. My stomach tightens in…excitement? Hope? Fear ?
All of the above.
“Well, it’s safe to say she approves of us.” He smiles at me, and I sit up, facing him so we can talk.
“You think she approves?”
Logan gives me a “give me a break” look. “She loves you. I’ve never seen her attach herself to anyone so quickly.”
I bite my lip and look down at my hands, wondering if I’m doing any of this right. How would I know? I’ve never been in a situation like this before.
“Hey.” Logan tilts my chin up to get me to look at him. “Everything is going to be fine.”
“I don’t want her to be hurt. What if she finds out, and she feels like we left her out on purpose?”
“Dorothy, my daughter, is one of the smartest people I know. When we explain the reasoning for what we did, she’ll understand. As a matter of fact, she’ll probably be glad we did what we needed to do to keep you safe.”
“I just…I don’t want to hurt her,” I repeat, that worry niggling at the back of my mind.
“I know you don’t. I don’t either. I can’t tell you what it means to me to have you love my daughter as fiercely as you do.”
“How can I not? She’s a product of you.” My honesty seems to shock us both into silence, and I pause my movements.
All my movements.
My body is completely tense as I slowly move my neck to give Logan a look. He’s staring at me, his mouth slightly open, and his hands still at his sides. The TV is still playing in the background, and I watch as a slow smile spreads across Logan’s lips .
“Hm,” he hums. “That sounded an awful lot like a confession.”
I sigh dramatically, trying to play it off and lie back down on his lap, grabbing his hand to put it back on my head. “It’s not like it’s a secret.”
His hand moves again, and I feel his eyes on me. I glance up, tearing my eyes from inspecting my nails. Logan’s eyes are bright and beautiful, and I can just barely see his dimple popping out from beneath his beard as he grins down at me.
“You love me?”
His question makes the whole room fall silent, the TV just muffled background noise to my ears, and I swallow hard, my eyes locked into his.
“I…” I lick my lips and wonder if he’s going to interrupt and save me from my own words, but he doesn’t. He waits patiently. “I do.”
The admission is out there, it’s gone from my mouth and my brain, and…I have zero regrets about it.
As a matter of fact, I feel as if a weight has been lifted.
Several emotions pass over Logan’s face as he comes to the realization that I actually said it, and for a moment, he’s shocked.
“Wow.” He leans back against the couch, a little smirk playing over his mouth. “I thought I was going to have to drag that out of you.”
My mouth gapes, and I stare at him before whacking him in the stomach. “You jerk.”
He laughs and grabs at my sides, digging his fingers in and making a burst of laughter come out of my mouth.
“Stop!”
I hear the bathroom door open. “Is everything okay? ”
“Yes!” Logan and I reply at the same time, me still trying to catch my breath and him still grinning at me like he’s won something.
I hear Lue retreat to her room, and her door softly closes.
“You’re still a jerk,” I whisper to him, vulnerable to the fact that I just admitted what I did.
I go to sit up, knowing that I need to head home when he pulls me to him. It’s an awkward angle, but I adjust myself until I’m facing him.
One of his hands rests on the side of my face, cupping my cheek, and he presses a soft kiss to my lips.
“You never let me respond.”
“You responded by gloating.”
He clicks his tongue and smiles. “Now hold on, give me a chance here.”
I mime zipping my lips and let him have the floor, his eyes latched onto mine soften just slightly, and he takes a moment to study my face.
“I remember the first time I felt love toward you.” My breath catches in my throat, and the teasing feeling slowly melts away. “We were helping you with the bar, getting it ready to open, and Lue had to come with me that day. She was probably only ten, almost eleven, at the time.
“She was bummed because she didn’t get invited to someone’s slumber party, something I didn’t realize was a big deal. But you did. You saw how sad she was, and you left, coming back with all sorts of treats and milkshakes and just the most random stuff I never would have even thought of.
“And you and your sisters pitched in. You made her sad almost nearly go away, and you told her that girls who didn’t invite other girls to their parties were jealous of the kind souls they disinvited.”
“You remember what I said to her?”
His eyes stay locked on mine. “What you said changed something in Lue, she may have only been a kid, but she took that seriously. Since then, she’s taken great care to pick good friendships, to never let anyone feel left out, and to watch what she says to everyone.”
I feel a lump forming in my throat at the thought of Lue listening to me so carefully, of her following what I said, even now.
“I remember thinking, if I ever settled down with anyone, you would be the one.”
I eye him doubtfully. “Really?”
His thumb rubs over my cheek. “I have loved you for years, Thea. I can’t tell you what the future will bring, but I do know that the love I feel for you will never bend. Ever.”