Chapter 16
FINLEY
After the longest three days of my life, Elijah is back today. And Jayden with him.
It almost feels okay to breathe easy. Something I haven’t done since Jayden all but had to drag Elijah away for their two-game road trip. Even so, he made me promise not to leave the apartment. Luckily, Christina spent her one day off work here with me, so I wasn't so terribly alone.
Anyway, in less than an hour, Elijah’s going to walk through the door, and I won’t have to say goodbye again for ten days.
There are four games in this home stretch before another three-day road trip, a couple days back home, and an overnighter.
I think I’ve memorized the game schedule until the holiday break.
Circling the last game on the calendar in my journal, I roll some glittery ink on my finger from the gel pens Elijah got for me and dab it onto the three-day ‘no hockey’ break.
I spent last night painting and decorating the December page spread while Christina caught up on coursework.
Being around her again has made me think about what I want to do. What I want for myself.
I love how independent she is. That she doesn’t need anyone. At the same time, I know the reasons behind the woman she is—her parents’ history has left a lot of distrust in people—and I can see how lonely she can get.
If I wanted to be lonely, I might as well have stayed in Havenview. Because that was every day of my life after Elijah left. Even when I had her to lean on, the emptiness he left behind was too big to fill with anything or anyone else.
Picking up a fine black marker, I add details to the song sparrows swooping around the Christmas tree painted on the edge of the page…
“Jake and Jenny?” Elijah laughs at the names I plucked from thin air as I twirl the two feathers that dropped from the song sparrows’ nest up in the tree.
“They sound good together.” When I roll onto my side to face him, he’s watching me intently. “What would you call them?”
Elijah shrugs, focusing on the sparrows soaring in circles around the willow tree.
Since he returned from Ohio with his parents, he’s been quiet. I overheard my parents talk about him being introduced to one of the Elders’ daughters. Although Mom didn’t sound enthusiastic about it, Dad kept telling her they had to find me someone high up too.
“Do you think you’re going to marry her?” The question blurts from my mouth unexpectedly so that he stiffens beside me. “Is she beautiful?”
Elijah frowns, combing his fingers through his freshly trimmed hair. I don’t think I like it this short and neat.
“She’s a girl.” He shrugs again.
“What’s her name?”
“Umm, Naomi.”
“She sounds pretty.” The thrum in my chest turns sluggish as I roll onto my back and stare up at the nest with him.
I can only imagine what she looks like with a cute name like Naomi.
“She’s just a girl,” he says, blowing out a long breath.
His hand splays beside mine on the cool grass so that our fingertips brush together, sending a shock straight to the middle of my chest.
“Did you like her?” I attempt to swallow down the raw burn behind my eyes.
“No,” Elijah answers gruffly. In contrast, his pinkie finger wraps around mine as he murmurs, “She’s not you.”
The fear of losing him sputters out of me.
I know every day we get older is another day closer to being torn apart.
It feels like only yesterday we sat beside each other across the school bus aisle on our first day to The Fellowship’s selected high school in Portland, and now he’s a few years away from college while I’m closer to being stuck here on my own.
Training to become a good, obedient wife to a boy or man I won’t ever love.
“Elijah?” I whisper, keeping my eyes trained on a speckle of light burning my eyes.
“Yes?”
“Would you marry me?” My chest hiccups.
“Yes,” he answers quickly. “Would you? Marry me?”
“Yes.”
The warmth of his hand, calloused from all the time he spends working on his stick technique, eclipses mine before he threads our fingers together. His grip is tight and gentle at the same time as he tells me, “I would never hurt you.”
“I heard the girls in school talk about it in the restroom. One of them said it hurt a lot, that it wasn’t nice, and she bled. Do the boys talk about it?”
“Not to me,” he says. “They talk to Presley about that stuff.”
“Sex stuff scares me.”
His hand squeezes mine tighter while our bodies shift closer together until our arms and hands are squished between us.
“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to.”
It’s not what they teach us in homemaking classes. His grandma says that a wife should always be ready and willing for her husband in all things. I think that means sex too.
“Would you want to do it with me?” I ask, turning my head so that I whisper it into his ear.
Elijah goes stiff for a second, releasing my hand as he rolls onto his side to look at me. Adjusting his arm beneath my head, he thinks for a beat while his dark stare searches mine.
“Sure… maybe… I guess…” The hand at his side rests over my shoulder as he leans forward and presses a kiss to my cheek.
Oh my.
My entire body freezes at the unexpected contact. It makes my belly fizz and really hard to see straight.
Elijah’s never kissed me before. It feels nice, unlike any other touch or caress before it. My whole being buzzes and my shoulders prickle like my body is trying to grow wings to take us away from here.
Pulling away slowly, he gives me a shy, crooked smile that melts all my bones to mush.
“Elijah and Finley,” he murmurs. “That’s what I would call them.”
The birds.
“The birds…”
I’m tracing the outline of the wing with light lines, adding some wispy texture to the feathers when the apartment door slams open.
“Jesus, slow down,” Elijah groans. “You literally had one job. Open the door, not break it down.”
“I had one job? All you had to do was remember the snacks for the flight,” Jayden snaps back. “Now you’re making me wait to eat lunch like I’m not starving…”
“Because you got fish tacos that always stinks out my car.”
“Just feed me already.”
I snap my journal closed as the two of them come into view. Jayden’s sulky pout quirks to a wonky grin while his stare peruses down the length of my body.
My hands shake as they smooth down the short skirt of the floral dress I put on this morning.
It's the first time I'm wearing one of the pretty dresses Elijah bought for me, I figured it was time to.
Especially now that my thighs have healed and I can cover the scars with the foundation Christina picked out.
“Hey, Lucky,” Jayden croons, brows hitching as Elijah stalks towards me, throwing the suit bag folded over one arm onto the back of the dark velvet sectional while he balances a tray of iced drinks in his other hand.
A flush warms his cheeks as he leans in, lips pressing to my forehead in a firm kiss. The weight of his body bows mine into him. One of his hands comes to my waist and he deposits lighter pecks down to the tip of my nose while he places the drinks on the breakfast bar beside us.
“Hi, beautiful.”
The words slam into my chest so hard, it’s impossible to respond with anything but a nod and a smile.
Nothing has ever felt as amazing as the rake of his thumb along the cut-out patch on my waist. Goosebumps break out all over my skin at the calloused caress.
Unlike all the other times he’s touched me, he doesn’t take his hand back when I stroke my fingers down his face and press a kiss to his cheek.
“Welcome home, love,” I whisper back. “I missed you.”
I missed this.
The touching. The holding on to each other like we used to.
I’m waiting for him to pull away when he turns me towards the breakfast bar. Jayden’s standing there, watching us. His eyes are hooded, and a wistful quirk of his lips pinches his dimples.
I was so wrapped up in Elijah, I didn’t notice him move. Now, there’s an odd tug in my chest—a weight—that’s got my heart twisting up with my stomach as he holds my stare.
“We got you an iced coffee,” Elijah says, arm wrapping around my back when he moves to stand beside me.
“With extra vanilla whip,” Jayden adds, plucking the drink from the tray and placing it directly in front of me.
“And caramel drizzle,” Elijah says, resting his chin on the top of my head.
I can feel him watching me intently when I take a sip. It’s delicious and sugary enough that I know it must be torture for Mr. Clean Eating to watch me drink it.
Leaning to the side with another pull of the coffee treat, I glance up at him. Sure enough, he’s grimacing.
“It’s good,” I tell him with a low chuckle. “Like, the best thing I’ve put in my mouth. Ever.”
With a roll of his eyes, he swipes his thumb along my lips just as I lick them clean. “Good.”
Maybe the drink isn’t the best thing I’ve tasted, after all.
I suck my bottom lip into my mouth, trying to get another taste of the salty tang from his thumb as he takes a sip of his iced matcha tea.
God, I want to kiss him. So bad it hurts.
“Can we eat now?” Jayden asks, clearing his throat while placing plates in front of Elijah and me.
He brings the two takeout bags he was holding to the middle of the counter and tears them open to reveal the food containers.
After he’s gone through the different Mexican dishes, he makes himself a plate and relocates to the dining table in silence.
“Is he okay?” I ask Elijah as we make up our plates.
It’s not like Jayden to be so quiet, and I know they won both of their games, so he should be ecstatic. Especially given he scored in both...
Elijah glances over his shoulder at his best friend.
“He’s hangry,” is all he says with a pensive frown, taking my plate and gesturing for me to follow him to the dining table.
Sitting opposite Jayden, I notice the way he’s gone from impatiently needing his food to forking it around his plate.
All three of us sit in heavy silence until he finally gets up, taking his barely touched food.
“Where are you going?” Elijah asks.
“I’m too tired to eat, man,” Jayden replies with a shrug. “I need a nap.”
Before Elijah can say anything else, he’s walking off in the direction of the apartment door, plate in hand.
“I’ll check in later about reviewing tapes,” Jayden says over his shoulder.
Although Elijah nods, he doesn’t go back to his lunch. We watch Jayden disappear. And if my gut feeling wasn’t adamant something is off, Elijah’s surly pout cements it.