Chapter 21
FINLEY
I’m about to burst when Jayden tears another strip of flatbread and uses it to pinch some of the lentil dish that Elijah ordered for himself along with a few other veggie-based dishes that we’re all sharing.
“Here,” he offers it to me. “It’s nice as it comes but if you add cilantro and the spiced oil, it’s fucking incredible.”
“If I stuff myself anymore, I’m either going to pop or you’ll have to roll me out of here.”
Jayden laughs at my afflicted expression as I take in our small bistro table piled with different dishes. “There’ll be no rolling. Pretty certain Eli and I have you covered if the food paralysis sets in.”
“Food paralysis?”
“Trust me, it’s a thing. Like when you’re so full that you can’t move but you’re not quite in a food coma.
” He adds the condiments to the parcel of food in his hand before he holds it out to me again.
“This is your first foray into Indian cuisine, you must try everything. Besides, you’re going to need your energy for tomorrow morning’s workout. ”
“You need to try the best dish. The Dahl is the one,” Elijah tells me, sucking the oil from the tips of his fingers after his last bite.
“The meat dishes are the best. The lamb is fucking perfection, but the Dahl is special here.”
“Best dish,” Elijah croons with a teasing lilt to his voice that earns him an eye roll from Jayden.
“He’d know different if he ate meat.”
Since we’ve been living together, I’ve noticed that Elijah’s diet is strict.
He has a chef that stocks his fridge twice a week with prepared meals, smoothies, and healthy snack bars, energy balls…
it’s all very regimented and every ingredient is accounted for.
Even when he orders takeout for me, he sticks to what’s in his fridge.
“You used to eat meat,” I say, glancing back to Elijah as I stuff my last mouthful of the meal into my mouth and savor the burst of flavors.
“I still don’t believe it,” Jayden scoffs playfully, sitting back in his chair to watch Elijah.
“I’ve never ever seen him eat anything animal.
He’s the cleanest eater in Los Angeles, and that’s saying something given that California is the second state with the largest percentage of vegans in the USA. ”
“And the number one state is?” Elijah pins him with a smirk.
“Shut up,” Jayden groans.
“Where are you from, JJ?”
“You can’t show me up with the poor decisions my fellow Nevadans make. But also, given Las Vegas makes up forty-three percent of the state and vegans are like the polka-dots on Fin’s dress…”
His gaze inches down the top of my red dress and then back up, causing my belly to swoop when it meets mine. The thought of our almost kiss simmers to the forefront of my mind, followed by a warm tingling sensation tickling across my lips and spreading up onto my cheeks.
Wildfires have nothing on the blazing heat pulsing through my veins.
Why is this happening?
I can’t want him. I shouldn’t be thinking about what almost happened. Especially not with Elijah sitting right here with us.
I’m here for him. I want him.
I love him.
It’s always been him for me.
Elijah.
“Here, there, and everywhere,” Jayden says, tearing his eyes from me and onto his lap.
We fall silent for a beat. The murmur of the other diners’ conversations smothering us with the heated weightiness that's got my senses frazzling along with all the straight lines and boundaries that I’ve been indoctrinated with.
Every second that passes, the preconceptions of what I’ve wanted and dreamed of blur.
“You’re talking like it’s dirty or taboo, but I like eating clean. I don’t miss meat or any other animal produce. Besides, there’s a reason why I have the better muscle definition.”
“Whoa…” Jayden sits taller, leveling Elijah with a glare. “That’s a low blow, Sylkes.”
“What can I say?” Elijah leans back in his chair, stretching out so that his fitted button down pulls taut across his chest and abs.
When he spreads his thighs wide, his knee touches mine. The contact shoots a wave of electricity through me, sparking in my belly when he holds it there.
With his elbows resting on the arms of his seat, he gestures down his body with a grin. “Lean and clean is the dream, Morrow.”
“Fucking asshole.” Jayden bursts out laughing. I can feel his body vibrating with his amusement when his foot brushes mine. The touch is gasoline to the spark the contact with Elijah brings to life.
My entire body bursts into flames. The feeling is extraordinary. Emboldening and freeing in a way that goes against everything I’ve ever been preached to.
Gazing between the two of them, I can’t help taking in the way Jayden’s mirth broadens Elijah’s smile. His whole body loosens at the sound, and an inkling of jealousy fists my heart synonymously with the relief that the boy I knew is still in there, waiting to be brought out of his shell again.
How can I envy Jayden for finding him when I’ve desperately needed to see him?
I can’t.
I won’t.
Because all it proves is that we’re somehow linked together. My love for Elijah has lit a bone deep affection for Jayden and the way he cares for Elijah… for me.
I don’t know what that means, but I know that it feels monumental. Intrinsical to the people we are and that we are growing into.
The drive home from the restaurant was quiet. Mostly because we were all too stuffed to do more than just breathe while Jayden drove us back. The radio humming in the background with the upbeat music he enjoys.
“Remember,” Jayden says when the elevator doors ping open and we walk out, “workout tomorrow morning.”
“Slave master,” I mutter back with a chuckle.
“Me? No.” He pauses in his backward saunter with his hands on his hips.
The long sleeves of his white henley are pushed up his thick forearms, showing off the corded muscles as they bulge beneath his tan skin.
He’s the physical embodiment of tall, dark, and handsome.
Especially when he smirks at me, knowing full well that I’m doomed to check him out even though I shouldn’t.
“I’m the fun guy, Lucky. Good time should be my middle name—”
“Right behind Rio.”
“Matheo? Right?”
“Yeah,” Elijah answers at the same time as Jayden sucks in his lip.
Because the first thing that comes to mind at the mention of their teammate is the conversation I overheard between Jayden and Matheo.
Where he goes, you follow.
So in sync.
The more I observe Jayden and Elijah together, the more it replays in my mind.
I’m not sure how I feel about it—whether it intimidates me or somehow draws me closer to Jayden.
But the more I think about it, the clearer I see them—the way they care for each other.
Logic says I should be afraid of losing Elijah to Jayden.
That I shouldn’t like it. That it shouldn’t make me feel safe and grounded between them. But I do.
I look at them, stand between them, breathe their air and I keep waiting for the tug of war. It never comes. All I feel is a warmth simmering in my belly that yearns for more of them.
“You know,” I say to Jayden. “You never told me what he pierced when he lost the bet between the two of you.”
Jayden flashes wide eyes at Elijah. When I glance at him, he gives me that warm knee-ricketting smile. The conversation fades into insignificance as his hand flattens to my back and draws me into him.
“See you tomorrow,” Elijah tells Jayden. “Six sharp so we make training on time.”
“And I’m the slave master,” Jayden mutters with a wink in my direction as he meanders backwards towards his door again and Elijah ushers me to ours. “Night, Lucky. Night, Eli.”
While I wave at him, Elijah gives him a nod. We’re both quiet when Jayden disappears inside his apartment. There’s a lonely edge to the air without him, and I know I’m not the only one feeling it because Elijah’s hold on me becomes weightier and his fingertips lightly claw into my flesh.
It takes him a moment to open the door without removing his hand from me while I coil my arm around his waist. His calloused fingers trace along the strip of exposed skin, shooting a white-hot thrill straight to my heart.
We walk inside squished together so we don’t have to let go of one another.
“Did you enjoy tonight?” Elijah asks as we meander through the living area toward the bedrooms.
“I did. It’s nice hanging out with Jayden. He’s funny and sweet, and he makes it easy to forget about everything else that’s going on. You know?”
When I peer up at him, Elijah’s watching me intently. His eyes are dark, reminding me of the deepest waters. The kind that you have no chance at resisting. The second you dive in; you’re doomed to drown. And that’s always been me when it comes to him.
“Jayden makes you smile, Elijah. He makes you laugh, and I love that. Seeing you happy brings me joy.”
“And you? Are you happy, Fin? I worry that I brought you here and I’m making you miserable,” he says, pausing in the space halfway between my room and his.
Turning into him, I stand in front of his tall frame, grasping his hand in mine while I knot our fingers together. His scent fills my lungs with every breath. As his hand trails to my hip, I inch closer.
“You could never make me miserable,” I murmur.
I want to kiss him so desperately that my insides are throbbing with the need to taste him. To show him how much I want him. How terribly I’ve missed him and our intimacy.
And even though we’re different people now, we’re still us.
While he backs me closer to my door, he asks, “Are you sure?”
“I’m certain.”
I’m certain that I want him to kiss me.
I’m certain that he is going to kiss me.
Until his grip loosens. As begrudging as the pinched expression on his face appears, he’s still inches away from me. Out of my hold. Out of my reach.
I’m dying. Can’t he see it? Can’t he feel it?
“Elijah…” I lunge at him as he turns away, gripping his wrist so tight that it hurts me. Don’t walk away. “Please,” I mouth, shaking my head pleadingly when he opens his lips to speak. To reject me.