Chapter 33
ELIJAH
Groggy. That’s the first feeling I register when I open my eyes. It takes a while for the spots to fade before the relief that my head isn’t pounding anymore sets in. That constant throb at the base of my skull is gone, the heavy pulse at my temple is silent.
I can think again.
Dragging in a deep breath, I glance at the monitor to the side, beeping in time with my heartbeat. The sound is distant; even so it sends a wave of relief through me.
Right before my surroundings sink in and a new panic chokes me.
The words take a second to form in my head—it’s a lot more effort than I’m used to—feeding all the fears swarming me.
The longer I look around and allow my eyes to communicate what they see to my brain, the wilder the feeling grows.
Then I find them. My heart freezes at the sight for a beat. Slowly it thaws into a calmer rhythm.
Jayden and Finley are sitting together to the side, asleep. Her head is resting on his shoulder while his head is resting on hers.
The sight warms through me. Setting me at ease.
Even though I’ve just woken up, I find myself drifting off to sleep again with my eyes set on them. I wish they were closer. I wish my ears weren’t so fuzzy. I want to hear their sleepy breaths.
I miss them.
Even though they’re right in front of me. So close.
I miss them.
The sound of Finley’s voice and Jayden’s laughter. I want him to open his eyes and look at me the same way I want her to wake up and touch me.
Desperately.
So much so that my sleepiness takes longer to take a hold of my consciousness with the dread of slipping back into darkness. Into the endless nightmare.
“I have a call to make, but when I get back, the two of you should go home. Wash, eat, rest…” I recognize Lex’s voice. “I’ll call when Eli wakes up. The neurologist said the triptans could make him drift in and out for the next twelve hours.”
My ears aren’t as muffled as they were earlier. I can hear Jayden grumble at him that he’s fine at the same time as Finley tells him she’s not leaving here without me. It’s impossible not to smile at the sound of their voices.
When I feel the blanket over me shift, I open my eyes a sliver, to be met with Jayden’s stare. He pulls back instantly, too quick for me to stop him.
Last thing I remember before the hospital is him and Finley hugging outside my door. The new sensor kept sending alerts to my phone, making my brain pound harder into my skull.
Then, the world became topsy turvy and Jayden was there. His hands were holding my head together when it felt like it was about to explode.
Jayden’s always there. Even when I pull myself away from him. He never leaves. Like Finley.
“Are you feeling okay?” He asks me, his voice is low, making it sound mumbled.
Jayden braces himself on the edge of the bed, when I give him a subtle nod.
“Good,” is all he says with a small upturn of his lips.
“Thank you,” I croak, my mouth and throat are so dry that I can barely get the words out. Inching my hand close to where his are on the mattress, I stroke my fingertips along his. “For… everything.”
Jayden’s eyes lock on mine, crinkled at the edges with worry.
I don’t like it. The way his face is paler than usual, his eyes lack their usual glimmer of sunshine.
I’m not a tactile person—it’s safer that way—but I can’t stop myself from pushing my fingertips beneath his while he continues assessing me.
“Water,” Jayden suddenly blurts, his hand pulling back brusquely. “Do you need a drink? Your voice is drier than the Sahara.” He chokes out a laugh, looking around him at Finley and Lex before he rushes to the table by the window.
With my eyes trailing hot on his heels, I find Finley watching me at the foot of the bed. Her face is a mirror of Jayden’s—anxious and exhausted.
“Hey, Angel,” I try to inject as much levity into my voice as possible, but the dryness in my throat makes it sound weak instead.
“Hey.” Her voice is threadbare.
Patting the empty space beside me, I invite her to come closer. Finley hesitates for a second before she ambles to my side.
When she doesn’t sit, I pat the bed again. “Sit.”
“You scared me.” The warble of her voice twists my gut, and when she cautiously sets herself down next to me, I reach for her hand, tangling my fingers with hers.
I was scared too. Afraid I’d leave her. That she would never know that in spite of everything, she’s still my heart. She’s the reason I breathe and that I want to live.
“Elijah,” she squeezes my hand, “are you sure you’re okay?”
“Yeah, just thirsty.”
I take the bottle of water Jayden offers. The subtle brush of our fingers is unintentional, but the bolt of energy that zings up my arm gives me pause.
Hours ago, he was holding me, saving me maybe... and even though everything was dark, he made me feel safe. I was terrified and he didn’t let go. He never let’s go, and I... I don’t want him to.
“You too… sit,” I tell him, my no arguments tone is cracked and broken, but Jayden lets himself down on the edge of the bed, by my feet.
Lifting Finley’s legs onto his lap, he settles far too still. Like he’s afraid to make a wrong move. The two of them are just frozen, and it's making me feel sick. Even more so that I recognize my actions in theirs.
Clearing my throat, I push past the thickness there. “Thank you,” I say, clinging onto Fin’s hand as I edge it next to Jayden’s on her lap.
Finley nods, leaning her head lightly onto my shoulder meanwhile Jayden stares at our hands. His blanched expression flushes from his cheeks to his ears and his nose. Each flutter of his lashes slices through me.
He’s so close to tears. His lips are quivering...
Then Finley inches our hands over his and I think it’s the first time I’ve heard him breathe. Part dry sob and part shaky gasp.
“I hate hospitals,” he finally says with a roll of his eyes.
“Me too.”
“Yeah, me three,” Finley croaks, lifting her head and lightly kissing my cheek.
I don’t have it in me to stop her or pull away. It feels too good—her kiss and this closeness between us, and Jayden.
A throat clears in the open doorway and as I glance in the direction Lex is walking towards us, Jayden pulls his hand from under mine and Finley’s. When I look at him, he stares down at his lap with a sigh.
“Feeling better?” Lex asks, standing beside the bed, hands on his hips while he casts his assessing gaze over me.
“Sort of hazy, but no migraine, so...”
“Good, the neurologist is due to come see you in the next hour or so.” The matter-of-fact tone amplifies the tightness in my chest. “So, now Eli’s awake the two of you can go home and rest. Let him rest, too.”
“Lex—”
“You need to rest.” He cuts me off, focusing on Jayden. “And you have a game tomorrow.”
“I’ll be fine,” Jayden retorts.
I don’t want them to leave me here on my own, but...
“Lex is right,” I tell them, glancing between each of their furrowed stares. Dark and tired. “You’ve been here all night; you need to go home and take care of you.”
Finley grasps my arm. “No, Elijah. I can’t leave y—”
“Yes, you can if I tell you to.”
“Don’t,” she chokes back.
“I’m fine now, and I don’t want you getting sick, too.” Moving my gaze to Jayden, I push down the flurry of emotion that flutters up from my stomach into my chest. “Take Finley home. Please.”
“Okay,” he says, wrapping his arm around her shoulders as he leans forward and rests his chin on her head.
The sight of them together makes every cell of my being hurt. I wish that I could be like that. Like them.
I wish I could be close and touch without fear taking over. Without the past haunting me. Because everything in me yearns for it so bad.
“Take Fin home,” I tell him, prying Finley’s hand from my arm. “Eat, sleep…”
Jayden nods, his eyes are sunken, and the lines of his face are sharper. I can’t be the reason he’s like this—drained of his usual energy and cocky attitude.
“Come on, Lucky,” he finally says with a long sigh, pushing to his feet.
“No, Jayden." Finley grips his hand. There’s a wordless exchange between them that’s all upended breaths, rounded eyes, and half-shrugs that ends with a teary glance between Jayden and me. “Elijah…”
“It’s okay, Fin.”
“You heard the man,” Jayden croons, tugging her up onto her feet, his tone a forced kind of easy. “He’s okay.”
Finley scoffs, anger edging her words. “He said that yesterday.”
“They’re not going to allow us all to stay, Finley, and I need to talk to Eli.” Lex brings one of the chairs closer and sits it beside the bed, bracing himself on the backrest. “I won’t be taking my eyes off him for one second.”
Finley nods. The smile that tugs at her lips is so faint it doesn’t have a hope of reaching her eyes.
“If you need anything, let me know,” Jayden says, pointing at my phone on the bedside table where it’s been put on charge. “We’ll bring back a change of clothes and food. Hospital food sucks even if you’re the VIP patient.”
“Stay with Fin... please,” I tell him, watching as he dresses Finley in my sweatshirt.
Jayden isn’t typically harsh, but there’s always a devil may care roughness to his actions.
Not with her.
With Finely he’s gentle. There’s a softness to him when he’s with her that leaves me in awe of him and his ability to care so reverently for someone so new to his life.
“Rest.” Jayden leans closer. For a moment, he pauses.
Hesitates. Then his hand grips mine, holding it between our chests as he touches his shoulder to mine.
His breath warms my jaw with the whisper of licorice gum.
I swear I can taste it when I suck in a shallow puff of air as he murmurs in my ear, “Don’t scare me like that again. ”
Everything falls too silent for too long. The air grows thick and hot. It doesn’t matter how hard I try to think of something to say, my brain draws blanks.
“Thanks, Morrow,” Lex announces as he shifts beside me, rearranging some of the things on top of the bedside table before he grabs an empty bottle and throws it in the waste basket.