Chapter 10TheoAsher
Theo
A week had passed since I screamed Asher’s name while boning his female lookalike, and I had yet to figure out how not to be the most awkward person in the world around him.
My mind raced with all of the implications of what Abigail had said that day. If Asher were gay, and I was screaming his name during sex, did that mean I was gay? Or bi?
I didn’t feel gay. I didn’t even know if I wanted to have sex with Asher.
His name just sort of spilled out of my mouth for some reason.
It could have been because I was worried about him.
I could tell he was upset about PCSHL, and I knew he didn’t have the best relationship with his mom.
Maybe I was just thinking about him too much that night.
Would that cause me to scream out his name during a blinding orgasm?
God, my head hurts with all of this.
We were packing up the last of our dorm room stuff. Soon, Mom and Dad would arrive to drive us home.
Asher seemed on edge, and I couldn’t tell if it was because I was feeling weird and just projecting my feelings onto him, or if he was actually acting odd .
I observed him as he packed up his things.
He kept gnawing at his cuticles, which was something I knew he did when he was nervous.
It happened in high school anytime we had to play a tough team.
I asked him about it once, and he said it was a nervous habit.
Come to think of it, he used to do it a lot in high school, but I hadn’t seen him doing it as much at Callahan.
My eyes narrowed as I fully realized how his posture had gotten weird, too.
Asher always had a bit of a hunch in high school, but it went away when we went to college.
I chalked it up to new strength conditioning as an NCAA athlete, but the conditioning hadn’t stopped, and there the hunch was again.
It looked like tension was building up in his shoulders.
Before I even knew what I was doing, I suddenly found myself on his side of the dorm, massaging his shoulders.
Asher released a gasp, then shuddered under my touch. Fuck! There I was again being awkward! Screaming his name during sex, massaging his shoulders because he looked tense. What’s next? A reach-around?
“Oh wow. Fuck, that feels good,” he sighed.
I was relieved that he wasn’t acting weird. Is this gay? Probably, but I didn’t care. Something was happening to my buddy, and I wanted to get to the bottom of it. “What’s all this tension about?”
“What?” He shrugged me off and turned to face me. “I’m not tense.”
I folded my arms across my chest, giving him what I knew was my “don’t play me” stare. “It feels like your shoulders are made of rocks. What’s going on?”
Asher shrugged while rubbing his left shoulder. He looked up at me with vulnerable eyes. He paused briefly, as if thinking about saying something, then shook his head. “Nothing, dude. Just sad to be leaving this room. We had fun here.”
“Well, unless you’re moving into that ramshackle house where the other guys live, we’re probably going to be assigned this dorm next year.”
“Yeah, you’re probably right,” he replied.
An awkward silence fell between us, and the tension was killing me. I didn’t want to be like that with Asher. He was my friend. Should I just come clean and tell him what Abigail said? Should I tell him what I said?
His green eyes looked about the room, clearly nervous about the awkward silence we were stuck in.
“We’re chilling this summer, right?” he asked.
Relief washed over me at an actual question I could answer. “Fuck, yeah, we are. You’re not getting rid of me just because we’re leaving school. I know where you live, Red. Can’t hide from me.”
Asher’s eyes looked like two crescent moons, sparkling with joy when I said that. “Good,” was all he said in response, but his shoulders visibly relaxed.
Abigail was right. It didn’t matter if Asher liked girls or guys or whatever. He was my best friend, and that was all that mattered.
Asher
I loved the Morettis more than I could put into words.
Mr. and Mrs. Moretti drove me home and told me not to be a stranger over the summer.
The hug Theo’s mom gave me was precisely what I needed.
Aside from my grandma, she was the only woman who’d ever shown me affection.
When I got accepted to Callahan, she and Theo were the first people I texted.
I would have texted Mr. Moretti, too, but I knew his wife would show it to him.
A day later, the financial aid letter hit my email.
Mom didn’t give a rat’s ass, but Mrs. Moretti made me forward her a copy of the letter.
She went to the trouble of printing it, then hung it on her fridge next to Theo’s acceptance letter for the rest of the year.
Mrs. Moretti gave me a kiss on the cheek, followed by Mr. Moretti’s bone-shattering slap in the back.
Jesus, this man is strong.
He congratulated me on an amazing freshman year and backed away, giving Theo room.
Theo approached and did his bro-shake thing before pulling me into a big hug.
It was so hard to pull away. His big arms wrapped around me, the spicy scent of his aftershave permeating my senses.
It was enough to lull me into a state of calm before I remembered why I was hugging him in the first place.
My eyes trailed to the red-bricked building standing before me, and, with the snap of my fingers, that warm feeling caused by Theo’s embrace turned ice cold.
A heavy feeling washed over me, creating a pressure behind my eyes that made me pinch the bridge of my nose.
The tension was so thick it felt physical, like the dread I felt at moving back home was transforming into a liquid and filling my sinuses.
“You okay?” Theo asked.
No. I wasn’t okay. I was afraid. I was nineteen years old and just finished up my freshman year of college, and I was still afraid.
I didn’t feel like the rookie center who’d had a breakout freshman year with rumors that scouts were checking him out. I felt like that thirteen-year-old boy who hid in his closet when the shouting started, scared and alone.
My eyes met his, and I nearly did it. I nearly screamed for him to get me away from there as fast as possible. The terrifying sounds from my past echoed in my mind. My stomach clenched. I thought I might be sick.
I can’t do it anymore, Theo. Help me. Please, help me.
His eyes looked at me with concern, but I just shrugged and said. “I’m good. We’ll chill this summer, right?”
His brows scrunched up before he said, “Most definitely.” He looked at me a moment longer, his head cocking to the side in suspicion as he said, “Come have dinner with us tonight.”
Mrs. Moretti clapped her hands. “Oh, you should! I’m making manicotti, and you know the Moretti manicotti is not to be missed.”
It was the sweetest offer imaginable, but I couldn’t accept it. Theo could see through my mask, and it was humiliating. “Nah, I can’t tonight, but I really appreciate the offer. Raincheck?”
Theo’s parents looked disappointed, but nodded in understanding. I looked at Theo, hoping he’d have his usual devilish smirk, but he didn’t. He looked worried.
Fuck. He can see it.
I had to get out of there. “See you soon, Big Boy. Thank you, Mr. and Mrs. Moretti!”
“It’s Anthony and Maria, sweetheart.”
I plastered on a smile and walked away, my legs nearly buckling from under me as I approached the glass door of the building.
I jiggled the lock with my keys. It would be very typical of Mom not to tell me if they changed the lock. Fortunately, or unfortunately, depending on how you look at the situation, it worked.
When I looked up, I could see the reflection of the Moretti Subaru in the glass. Theo was looking out the window. At me.
My breathing accelerated. I didn’t feel like I was in my own body anymore.
My heartbeat thundered, but it didn’t feel like mine, because my body was on the fritz, working overtime as it braced itself for hell.
My mind, on the other hand, was somewhere else.
It wasn’t on this planet anymore. It lingered at the crease between this dimension and the next, watching as its old body opened the door and trudged up the dirty stairs to his old life.
I pressed my ear against the door, hoping to hear something.
If I heard something, like fighting or screaming, I would leave and come back later.
I heard nothing, though, so I unlocked the door and walked in.
The apartment was dark, save for the light shining through the curtains.
I didn’t hear my mom or Louie, and relief washed over me.
I tossed my bag onto my bed, then made my way to the kitchen. If nobody was home, then I could savor the time I had to myself.
I rounded the corner, turning on the light as I entered the kitchen, and shouted when I saw him.
Louie stood in the kitchen. Waiting. Watching me as I entered.
I froze where I stood, not knowing what to do. I couldn’t talk. I couldn’t breathe.
We both just stood there.