Chapter 9 Eden
“Can I wake him up?”
“No, sweetie.”
“But I want him.”
“I know you do, but he’s asleep and—”
“M’not asleep,” Eden grouses, even though his body is certain this is a lie. His back aches from sleeping in a weird position and his head is pounding, likely because he was up half the night scrolling websites he has no business being on.
“See, Momma.” The door is opened, banging the wall before Ella sprints across the room, the familiar jingle of her beads soothing away some of Eden’s displeasure at being reminded of his own existence every morning.
Ella barrels into the room with all the grace of a baby elephant, his bed bouncing as she crawls on top of his legs with the clear intention of trying to sneak under the covers.
“You said you wanted to tell him goodbye, not cuddle,” Addy points out from the doorway. “You have school, little missy.”
“But Momma,” Ella whines, already inching her way backwards.
“Five minutes, please.” Eden knows it’s a low blow since he never begs but with his new job at Juanita’s, he’s gotten home after Ella was already in bed every day this week. He misses her.
“Fine.” Addy's wide smile gives away that she’s not remotely put out by the delay. “Five minutes only though, or I’ll be late to work. I’m going to go get your jacket and lunchbox ready by the door, and when I come back we gotta go. You promise to listen?”
“Promise, Momma.”
Ella clutches her plush pig to her chest, scooting closer to Eden. “You didn’t read to me last night.”
“I know, I’m sorry,” Eden apologizes. “Maybe once I’ve worked there for a while I can finagle a few shift changes so I’m not always working at night.”
“Just tell them I need you,” Ella says with the air of someone who is certain her word is law.
It probably comes with the territory of being an only child and having two grown-ups who would burn the world down for you.
Not that she’s spoiled, Addy goes out of her way to make sure that doesn’t happen.
“That’s not exactly how it works, unfortunately.”
Ella makes a disgruntled sound. “But you’re mine. Just tell them we have story time.”
Eden closes his eyes and rolls over, wrapping an arm around her. “I wish story time was a valid reason for schedule changes.”
“I can talk to your boss.”
“No,” Eden laughs, unsure he’s ever met such a precocious child.
“Fine,” Ella sighs. “But when you don’t work you gotta read me three books.”
“Skipping two and going straight to three?”
“Yup.” Ella rolls onto her side, kissing Eden’s cheek. “I love you.”
Eden is unsure he will ever be able to ever put into words what it feels like to be loved by someone who only sees the good in the world—who only sees the good in Eden.
“I love you too, Ella Bella.” He tickles her tummy, smiling when she giggles.
“Maybe you can draw me a picture at school today.”
“But you’ll be at work when I get home from school. I can’t show you.”
“Your momma can text me a photo when she picks you up from the after school club.”
“And you’ll text back?”
“Of course,” Eden promises.
“Okay. I’ll draw you a pig.”
Given that pigs are Ella’s favorite animal, there is no higher honor. Eden’s top dresser drawer has at least a dozen drawings of them, the first crudely drawn pig she ever gave him recreated in tattoo form on his left wrist beside the numbers he won’t ever forget.
“Ella,” Addy yells, her approaching footsteps echoing. “Time to go.”
“But I’m not ready,” Ella protests.
“I know but five minutes are up, sweetie.” Addy moves into Eden’s room, wordlessly picking up the work clothes he left on the floor last night in his exhaustion and dropping them into the laundry basket in the corner like the mom she is.
Eden probably should examine why he likes his best friend mothering him sometimes, but then Eden’s got enough mommy issues to last a lifetime, so it’s probably something better left unexamined and unaddressed. “Go potty before we leave.”
Ella sighs like an old lady, rolling out of bed. She’s halfway across the room before she runs back, crawling across the bed to shove her plushy into Eden’s arms and kissing him again. “Watch over Piggy, okay?”
“Okay.” Eden hugs the plush as if it were precious.
“Bye, Eden!” With that, Ella skips from the room, leaving him alone with Addy who closes the distance, the bed dipping as she sits on the edge then leans over to kiss his forehead.
He’s not sure what it says about him that the two women in his life always sense his need for coddling, even when he won’t admit it, but he’s grateful for them all the same.
“Morning, sunshine.”
Eden grunts, closing his eyes. All his walls are harder to keep up around Addy.
With Ella, it’s easy to shut off everything and just be okay because she’s a child.
That’s the version of Eden she needs. Addy is his best friend, and sometimes like his mother, despite only being a few years older than him.
She looks like a real grown-up with her button down blouse and dress slacks and her beautifully done up braids.
“You haven’t been sleeping well.”
A part of Eden hates how relieved he feels that she noticed so he doesn’t have to bring it up. The other part can only feel immense relief.
“I really do have to get to work, my boss is being a hard ass and giving me shit for being five minutes late twice this week.” She smooths back his hair, and Eden lets himself melt into the touch for once, aching for the kind of comfort he would never let anyone but Addy provide.
“I’m going to stay up late tonight so we can talk after work. ”
“You don’t have to,” Eden mumbles, hiding his face in Ella’s plushie.
“I know I don’t, but Ella isn’t the only one who misses you.
” Addy bends down, the curves of her soft body and the sweet scent of her perfume almost enough to make Eden cry.
He’s been a fucking mess since Charlie. Fucking Charlie.
Fuck him for splitting Eden’s duct taped, broken heart open, the stupid fucker.
“Don’t forget to eat. I made you lunch when I made Ella’s, so there’s no excuses.
I also got change at the bank yesterday before I left work, so the quarter jar is full if you want to do your laundry. ”
“Thanks, Mom,” he grouses.
“I’ll be your mom if you need it,” Addy replies, never rising to his bait. “And your best friend. I’m not going anywhere, Eden. Even when you do your damndest to ignore me because you think I’m going to.”
“I haven’t,” Eden starts, then stops. Maybe he has.
He’s been staying in his car after work until he’s sure Addy would be asleep all week, only replying to her texts half-heartedly and being a grumpy asshole.
All because he fucked a guy who doesn’t care about him, and it reminded Eden how fucking starved for affection, intimacy and love he is.
Eden is a walking red flag and a shit show all rolled into one pretty, broken package. No wonder no one ever wanted to keep him.
“Stop wallowing,” Addy tells him, her cluster of bracelets jingling when she runs her hand over the back of Eden’s head.
There’s a lump in his throat and tears in his eyes, and he hides them both behind Ella’s plushie because he’s a fucking mess.
“I’m not going anywhere, Eden. If you haven’t figured that out in the last five years then I’ll just have to stick around forever until you believe it.
” She bends down to kiss him again, her lips pressed to the top of his head since everything else is hidden under blankets or a plush. “We love you, Eden. Don’t forget it.”
It’s not that he forgets, it’s more that it feels impossible to believe, but that feels hurtful, so he never says it.
He still isn’t sure why Addy pulled him off the streets and took him in when she could barely afford to take care of herself and her unborn baby, but Eden’s been grateful ever since.
He hopes maybe one day it won’t matter if he understands.
Maybe one day he will simply feel like he deserves it.
Today is not that day.
“Have a good day at work. Text me on your break. Also since I’m borrowing your car today you can’t hide in it when your shift is over, so make sure you actually come inside when you get home. I want my best friend.”
“Okay,” Eden whispers, his desire to give her what she wants stronger than his need to hide.
“Good.” She rises, smoothing down her blouse. “Now wish me luck. I fucking hate that drop off line.”
“Good luck,” Eden tells her, watching her leave.
It takes awhile for Eden to get himself out of bed once they’re gone, forcing himself into the shower then back into his pajamas since all his clothes are dirty.
He fills his pockets with quarters, grabs a Red Bull from the fridge and an apple because Addy would want him to, before dragging his laundry basket downstairs.
He spends the rest of the day alternating between hanging out in the laundry room downstairs and tidying the apartment so Addy won’t have to when she gets off work.
By the time he needs to get ready for work, his entire wardrobe is clean, as is their apartment, and he even has time to do an extra complicated eye makeup look he found scrolling social media while waiting for the dryer.
When it’s time to get dressed, he pulls on a pair of jeans automatically, then reaches for one of his favorite skirts and puts it on top.
He hasn’t worn one to work yet but it’s been over a week and none of his coworkers seem homophobic.
No one has given him shit for his makeup, so it feels like maybe it’s safe.
He adds on a stack of bracelets, a pang of remorse hitting him when he’s reminded of the one Ella made him for his birthday last year that he somehow lost. He’s only taken it off when absolutely necessary and despite the dozen other bracelets that cover his wrists he feels naked without it.