Chapter 19 Eden #4
Following in step with Andrew, it’s easy to pick up on the subtle but unmistakable change in his body language—his shoulders are rigid and his smile is tight.
Much as Eden wants to question it, he loses his chance once they enter into the main living room where everyone has gathered.
There are too many people, too many conversations.
Despite Andrew’s obvious attempt to try and disappear into the background, Zach follows him to the end of the makeshift line everyone has formed to get into the kitchen.
While debating how pissed Andrew or Charlie would be if he accidentally hit Zach, Charlie steps in front of Eden blocking everyone else from sight.
“I missed you,” Charlie murmurs, pulling Eden flush against him.
“You just saw me,” Eden reminds him, unsure why Charlie being a clingy fucker is making his chest feel squirmy and warm.
“Yeah, but that was nearly forty minutes ago. After I apologized to Alec, I got roped into setting the food up and last minute prep. Are you hungry? Alec really outdid himself this year.”
“Yeah, but—” Eden stops, turning to look for Zach who has engaged Denise and Amanda in some kind of conversation that has everyone but Andrew smiling. “Who the fuck is he?”
“Hmm?” Charlie turns around following Eden’s line of sight. “Oh, Zach. We were all friends in high school. I ran into him at the store the other day and well—here he is.”
Eden hums, watching Zach with a frown. “He was a dick to Andrew.”
“Nah, he’s just like that,” Charlie shrugs. “Andrew knows he doesn’t mean it. We should get in line before Jason takes all the green bean casserole.”
“It only happened once, asshole,” Jason pipes up from several feet away.
“Jason can eat you out of house and home,” Charlie tells him in a stage whisper.
“Says the man who always eats all the pumpkin pie,” Jason counters. He slips his arm around Emerson’s shoulder, kissing the top of his head and whispering something too low for Eden to make out.
“Everyone shut the fuck up,” Alec yells from the kitchen. “There’s plenty of pie and fucking casserole.”
“Except sweet potato,” someone—Riley was his name—replies.
“Fuck you,” Alec retorts, the sound of laughter echoing out of the kitchen.
“Man, this is great,” Charlie grins, tightening his hold around Eden’s waist.
Pressed up close to Charlie, surrounded by the smell of good food and friendly people, Eden can’t deny it is kind of great.
It’s also surreal. Outside of group homes or work, he’s never been around this many people.
He’s never been in a group where arguing was playful and not vindictive, or where people celebrate a second invented holiday in order to spend more time together.
Somehow, it being great hurts more than if it were horrible. A part of Eden almost wishes today had gone to shit, wishes that Charlie’s friends were terrible or his brothers were assholes. At least that would be something Eden understood and could handle.
Being surrounded by people who want to be together, who seem to want Eden there, is making his insides feel twisted up.
Making things worse is that while watching Eddie and Amy’s twins roll around on the floor with Birdie, he can’t help but imagine Addy and Ella here.
Ella could play with the twins, and Addy would love Andrew and Amanda. She’d love Charlie, too.
“Hey,” Charlie says, voice quieter this time. “Are you okay?”
Somehow the concern in his eyes makes things worse. Fuck him for being observant and kind. Stupid fucking Charlie and his big, brown eyes and handsome face that Eden can’t get enough of.
Eden doesn’t want to think about Addy and Ella here, doesn’t want to think about how much he wants to be allowed to be a part of this. He doesn’t want to think about how at twenty years old, he’s never had anything close to this.
He doesn’t want any of these goddamn fucking feelings.
“Eden?”
“I’m fine,” Eden lies because the truth wouldn’t make sense. Not to someone like Charlie.
What Eden doesn’t say, what he can’t say, is that something happens when you’re abandoned by the people who are supposed to love you unconditionally. It breaks something in you that can’t be fixed.
Growing up knowing you were easy to walk away from changes you. It sours every interaction, every friendship, every possible future. All of them are clouded by the knowledge that something about you is irrevocably difficult to love.
Suddenly he wants to run, wants to scream, wants to do anything to avoid letting another goddamn person into his life who is going to walk away.
“Do you have a favorite side?” Charlie asks, blissfully unaware of Eden’s spiraling.
There’s a smile on his face, the lines of his handsome face relaxed and open. He has no idea what Eden is thinking. Why would he? How could he?
“No,” Eden croaks.
“Stuffing is mine,” Charlie says, his expression amused as he leans down and whispers, “get it because I like to be stuffed.”
The bad joke forces a laugh out of Eden, only serving to make things worse. Charlie shouldn’t be able to make him laugh right now, yet he did because Charlie has that effect on Eden—his ridiculous yet good-natured personality is a balm to his own often sour disposition.
The horrible, terrible truth is that Eden likes Charlie.
He likes him too damn much.
“Are you sure you don’t want help with the dishes?” Zach asks.
The offer is polite enough, but it’s all Eden can do not to sneer.
Throughout the meal, Zach was the poster child for polite conversation, making everyone laugh and charming the table—like a greasy car salesman.
When he wasn’t the center of attention, he’d make Andrew the focus of his attention, small little barbs and remarks that Eden couldn’t always hear but that made Andrew look like he wanted to be anywhere but there.
If Eden weren’t positive that Andrew would’ve hated him drawing attention to it, he would’ve yelled across the table. Almost everyone is gone now though, only Charlie’s brothers and their partners left. And Zach.
Why the fuck is Zach still here? Everyone else went home, but not this annoying asshole.
“I’m sure,” Charlie tells him. “You’re a guest. Just relax, me and Jason can handle the dishes.”
“Why aren’t Andrew and Alec doing dishes?” Jason asks.
“Because Alec did all the cooking, and Andrew did all the planning. They get to rest.”
“Yeah I get to rest, and that means I need Theo,” Alec smirks, grabbing Theo’s hand. “In fact, we’re going to rest in the house. In the spare room. You should probably not come check on us at all.”
Theo’s cheeks flush as he trails after Alec.
“They’re going to fuck, aren’t they?” Jason groans.
“Don’t ask questions you don’t want the answer to,” Charlie snorts, heading into the kitchen with Jason and Emerson hot on his tail, leaving Eden, Andrew, and Zach alone in the living room.
Even Agnes and Birdie have disappeared, leaving Eden with nothing to do but stare at Zach’s stupidly symmetrical profile as he stares at the place Charlie departed.
A strange mix of jealousy and unease burns in Eden’s gut.
“Do they do that a lot?” Eden questions, trying to focus on something else.
“Who, Alec and Theo?” Andrew asks. At Eden’s nod, he continues. “Yeah, but at least they’re doing it in the bedroom this time. You don’t ever wanna show up at their house without warning, trust me.”
Zach makes a derisive noise, and Eden’s control stretches thin.
“Something funny?”
“I’m imagining Andrew here having his sensibilities offended by sex.”
“Not all of us need to see other people having sex,” Andrew replies in a clipped tone. “Especially not my own brother.”
“Andrew wouldn’t like to see anyone having sex, he’s kind of a prude.” Zach’s smiling like he’s said something witty. “Or he was in high school. I thought maybe he’d finally loosened up but apparently not.”
“What the fuck is your problem?” Eden yells.
“Eden, don’t,” Andrew tries, but it’s too late.
Between Eden’s dislike of Zach, his own mess of insecurities, and the protective feelings he has about Andrew, he’s itching for a reason to punch this fucker.
“Chill out, I’m only teasing.” Zach leans forward and reaches across the couch to ruffle Andrew’s hair.
Andrew swats his hand away. “Shut up, Zach.”
“Aw, did I hurt your feelings? Don’t be so uptight. You never could handle a joke.”
“Nothing about what you said is a joke,” Eden interjects.
Zach shakes his head. “Calm down.”
“You’ve been a dick since the moment you walked into this house.”
“Everyone thought I was charming, didn’t they, Andrew?”
Andrew’s jaw is clenched tightly, his hands fisted in his lap. He says nothing, and Eden doesn’t understand why. Why isn’t Andrew telling him what a dick he is?
“Not everyone,” Eden says, willing to say something even if Andrew isn’t.
“Everyone who matters liked me,” Zach says, smiling in a way that has Eden clenching his fists.
“What the fuck does that mean?”
“Eden,” Andrew tries.
“No,” Eden snaps. “This guy is a fucking dick.”
“He’s also not worth it,” Andrew murmurs.
“Aw, that’s not what you used to say in high school. Especially not when you were begging me to date you.”
The silence is deafening, and Eden’s not sure what’s worse—his dawning realization about who this guy is or the look on Andrew’s face.
“You,” Eden hisses, recalling his conversation with Andrew in the kitchen that first morning he slept over at Charlie’s. The high school friend who’d used him because he couldn’t have Charlie. The one who made Andrew feel used and broken for not wanting sex. “It’s you.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Zach tries, composure faltering.
“You’re the dickbag from high school.” Eden laughs, even though nothing about this is fucking funny. “You couldn’t have Charlie, so you used Andrew.”
“Eden, stop.”
“Hey man, whatever Andrew told you is a lie. It’s not my problem Andrew can’t enjoy himself and relax. We could’ve had a good time if he hadn’t been such a prude.”
“Just because I didn’t want to fuck you doesn’t mean I’m a prude,” Andrew curtly replies.
“You used him.”
“Eden, stop.”
“Look, I don’t know what Andrew told you, but nothing happened.
And I mean nothing. He had a bit of a crush on me, always following me around, trying to do my homework and shit.
He was desperate for me. Then when I finally offered to show him a good time, he acted scared of my dick. He always was the less fun twin.”
Andrew grabs his glass of wine off the side table, downing it all in one go. It takes every ounce of self control Eden possesses not to grab the empty glass and smash it over Zach’s head.
“The fuck did you say?” Eden jumps up from the couch. “You fucking apologize to him right now.”
“What do you have a hard on for him or something? I thought you were dating Charlie? Unless there’s some kinky twin shit going down, and you’re with both of them, but I doubt that. Unless Andrew got a personality transplant. He’s too boring to be kinky.”
“Say another word about Andrew, and I’ll fucking kill you,” Eden yells, apparently loud enough to draw the attention of Charlie, who comes running into the room with dripping wet hands and a dish towel over his shoulder. Seconds later, Jason and Emerson follow along, leaving them with an audience.
“What’s going on?” Charlie asks, clearly trying to piece the situation together.
“This guy is a raging acephobic asshole, that's what’s going on,” Eden shouts.
Anger makes his hands shake. Anger for Andrew and what he endured.
Anger at people like Zach, who get away with being pieces of shit while making other people feel bad about what they like or don’t like.
Anger at himself for caring so fucking much.
Anger at Charlie for inviting this guy here.
So much fucking anger it’s hard to breathe.
“You know what, I’m out of here, I don’t need this shit. If you decide to get rid of him, give me a call,” Zach says, all but storming out of the house.
The front door slams, the walls still echoing with his departure when Alec and Theo come running out of the hallway, half-dressed and looking worried.
“What the fuck is going on?” Alec asks, tugging his shirt down.
No one answers, all of them staring at Eden or Andrew.
“Annie?” Charlie whispers.
“It’s fine, Charlie,” Andrew tries, but judging by the hunch of his shoulders and the look in his eyes, it’s not remotely fine. “Let it go.”
Andrew drops his head into his hands, and Eden snaps.
“Fuck you for inviting that dick bag after what he did, Charlie.”
Confusion is painted across Charlie’s face. “What did he do?”
“Like you don’t fucking know,” Eden retorts.
“He didn’t know, Eden. I never told him.” Andrew sounds so sad that Eden doesn’t know what to do. Since the day he met Andrew, he’s been so in control, so calm and steady. Hearing him be anything but triggers Eden’s fight or flight.
“Fuck this,” Eden bellows, doing exactly what he promised himself he wouldn’t do this morning and heading for the door.
“Eden, wait.”
The need to escape is unbearable, and Eden ignores Charlie’s shouts as he takes off across the front yard.
“Eden.”
Judging by the frantic way Charlie calls his name, he’s following Eden, but he can’t turn around, knowing he will break if he sees Charlie’s face.
With shaking hands, he unlocks his car, starting the ignition and peeling away from the curb without looking in the rearview mirror. This is for the best. This thing with Charlie was never going to last, and it’s Eden’s fault.
Maybe everyone was right to walk away. Maybe Eden is exactly like the people who broke him growing up, only this time he’s the one breaking someone else’s heart.
Eden is difficult. Eden is hard to love.
Breaking his own heart, and maybe Charlie’s, Eden does what he’s always done best—he runs away.