Chapter 20 #2
I stood there holding the manila envelope and felt the walls start closing in. My hands were shaking so badly the papers rustled, and I could hear my own breathing getting faster and shallower in ways that meant I was about to have a panic attack.
“Soren—” Talia started, but I couldn't hear her over the roaring in my ears.
They were trying to take Poppy. Were going to court with lawyers and documentation and a case that Morrison seemed to think was legitimate. They had money from somewhere, resources I didn't understand, and a plan that involved ripping my sister away from the only stable home she'd ever known.
And I didn't know how to stop them.
The envelope slipped from my hands and hit the floor with a sound that seemed too loud. I tried to pick it up and couldn't make my fingers work properly. Tried to breathe and couldn't get enough air. Tried to hold myself together and felt everything inside me start to crack.
“I can't—” The words came out broken. “I can't do this. I can't—”
My knees gave out, and I would have hit the floor if Talia hadn't caught me. She guided me to the couch, and I collapsed onto it with my head in my hands while the panic turned into gasping sobs I couldn't control.
“They can't take her,” I managed between sobs. “Talia, they can't—I won't let them—”
“We won't let them.” Her hand was on my back, firm and grounding. “We're going to fight this, Soren. All of us.”
“With what?” I looked up at her with vision blurred by tears. “We don't have money for a lawyer. We can barely afford rent. How the hell are we supposed to fight them in court when they've apparently got resources we don't even understand?”
“I don't know yet.” Her voice was steady even though I could see fear in her eyes. “But we'll figure it out. We always do.”
Micah had moved closer, sitting on the coffee table in front of me with his hands clasped between his knees. “Soren, breathe. You need to breathe.”
“I can't—” Another sob cut me off, and I pressed the heels of my hands against my eyes trying to stop the tears that wouldn't fucking stop. “They're going to take her.”
“They're not taking anyone.” Poppy's voice came from the hallway, and I looked up to see her standing there in pajama pants and a hoodie with tears streaming down her face. “I'm not going anywhere with them, Soren. I don't care what a court says. I'm staying here.”
“You might not have a choice—”
“Then we'll run.” She said it with enough conviction that I almost believed her. “We'll leave the city, change our names, disappear. Whatever it takes. But I'm not going back to them.”
The image of having to uproot all of our lives and run like criminals made another wave of panic crash over me.
This wasn't supposed to be happening. I'd done everything right.
Had fought for custody, had won, had spent years building a stable home for them.
And now it was all about to fall apart because my parents had decided they wanted to play family again.
I couldn't breathe. Couldn't think past the terror of losing Poppy and the shame of breaking down in front of everyone and the exhaustion of carrying this weight for so fucking long without a break.
My hand found the coffee table without me really deciding to reach for it, and I swept everything off it in one violent motion. Mugs and remotes and magazines crashed to the floor, and the sound of shattering ceramic should have made me stop but it didn't.
I stood up and grabbed the nearest thing—a lamp that Talia had bought at a thrift store—and threw it at the wall hard enough that it exploded into pieces. The violence of it felt good for about half a second before the shame came rushing back in.
“Soren, stop—” Micah was on his feet now, moving toward me with his hands raised like I was a spooked animal.
“I don't know what to do.” The words came out raw and broken. “I don't know how to fix this. I don't know how to keep her safe. I don't know—”
I sank back onto the couch and just sobbed. Great heaving gasps that made my whole body shake, tears that soaked into my hands, grief and fear and rage all pouring out in ways I couldn't control anymore.
Poppy was next to me first, wrapping her arms around me from one side. Then Micah from the other. Then Talia sitting on the coffee table with her hands on my knees, and all of them were holding me while I fell apart.
“We're not going anywhere,” Poppy said fiercely into my shoulder. “You're not losing me. I promise.”
“You can't promise that.” My voice was wrecked, barely audible. “The court could—they might—”
“Then we fight.” Talia's voice was steel wrapped in warmth. “We get a lawyer somehow. We tell the truth about what they did to us. And we make damn sure the court knows that you've been the only parent we've had for years.”
“We don't have money for a lawyer—”
“Then we'll find money.” She squeezed my knees. “I'll pick up extra shifts. Micah can defer school for a semester and work full time. We'll sell the car if we have to. Whatever it takes, Soren. We're not doing this alone.”
“You shouldn't have to—” Another sob cut me off. “You shouldn't have to sacrifice your lives because I can't—because I'm not—”
“Stop.” Micah's voice was gentle but firm. “You've been sacrificing for us since you were barely older than Poppy is now. Let us help you for once. Let us be partners in this instead of just people you take care of.”
I was so tired. So fucking exhausted.
“I don't know if I can do this,” I whispered. “I don't know if I'm strong enough to fight them again.”
“You don't have to be strong all the time,” Poppy said, and her voice was thick with tears. “You don't have to hold everything alone. We're here. We've got you.”
We sat there tangled together on the couch surrounded by broken things and the wreckage of my control, and I let myself be held by the people I'd spent years trying to protect.
The tears kept coming, kept pouring out in waves that felt like they might never stop, and I didn't try to hold them back anymore.
The house was a mess. The court papers were still on the floor where I'd dropped them. My parents were out there somewhere planning their next move with a lawyer I couldn't afford to fight. Rook was in another city probably regretting every second he'd ever spent wanting me.
And I was here on this couch being held together by my siblings while everything fell apart.
But they were still here. Still holding on. Still refusing to let me face this alone even when I'd tried so hard to keep them from having to carry any of it.
“I love you,” I managed through the tears. “All of you. So fucking much.”
“We love you too,” Talia said. “And we're going to get through this. Together.”