Chapter 17
Dayton
Since the day I met Andilyn Adams over a spotty phone call, I knew I was fucked.
I hadn’t even had the pleasure of a face-to-face introduction, but it wouldn’t have made a difference if I had.
I was completely enraptured by her resilience either way, and I somehow knew she’d be causing me a great amount of strife from that moment forward.
I spent damn near every night after that staring at my ceiling, unable to fall asleep because I couldn’t stand the thought of her being held against her will, enduring God knows what at the hands of those sadistic bastards.
But if there’s one thing I’ve learned about Andi, it’s that she doesn’t allow herself to wallow.
She’s determined to meet whatever obstacle rises to the occasion, regardless of how mountainous it is.
From the outside looking in, she seems impervious to fear.
But the guys and I have been gifted an insider’s perspective, and we know that’s not the case; she’s just an expert at concealing her true emotions.
Some days, I wish I had that ability, because I’m certain every thought I have is flashing across my face like a neon billboard whenever I’m in her presence.
I’ve become obsessed with Andi’s safety, which causes us to clash like oil and water.
I’m not the overbearing type, but that’s exactly what I’ve become.
Dread has made itself a home inside of me.
Every time she leaves the safety of Raiden’s apartment or ours, my panic supersedes rational thinking, fear of her disappearing overriding everything else.
If it happened once, it can happen again.
Granted, Chaplain has more petty crime than violent crime, but recent revelations have proven that just because we didn’t know about it doesn’t mean it isn’t happening.
I’m sure Andi’s convinced herself that anything she could encounter nowadays would pale in comparison to what she’s already been through.
And that might be true, but I couldn’t leave her safety up to chance, which is why I extended the invite for her to accompany me whenever I need to be at the stadium bright and early.
She’s eager to spread her wings, not that I can blame her, but given too much freedom, my butterfly might fly away and never come back.
The thought alone sends chills down my spine.
She’s faithfully joined me every Tuesday and Thursday since, but today she’s late.
It’s a first, and I have no idea what to do.
Every other morning, without fail, Andi is patiently waiting in the courtyard.
Today, however, there’s no sign of her. I should’ve left ten minutes ago if I wanted to make it to the field on time, but I keep procrastinating, conjuring up an array of excuses for why she’s a no-show.
The obvious answer would be that she’s tired and chose to sleep in.
But that dark, trauma-laden corner of my brain is trying its damnedest to convince me that something is wrong.
Andi would’ve sent me a text ahead of time if she wasn’t planning on tagging along today, and it’s that thought alone that propels me forward.
Just as I reach the door, it swings inward, my eyes flaring comically as I take in the wild state of her.
Andi’s long, brownish-red hair is pulled into a messy ponytail that sits high atop her head, the lopsided state of it speaking to how quickly she threw herself together.
She’s bent in half, hopping on one foot as she tries to slip her other shoe on, her muttered curses making me huff out a laugh.
Her head snaps up at the sound, our gazes connecting instantly, and her cheeks tint with redness at being caught in such an awkward position.
“I’m so sorry!” Andi blurts, her words rushed as she fights to drag in a full breath. “I completely overslept. We crashed on the couch while watching TV, and I forgot to set my alarm.”
As my brain processes the we comment, I tilt my head to the side and glance behind her, my lip lifting in a snarl at the sight that greets me.
Briggs is sprawled across the couch, his mouth opened wide as he snores audibly.
What a cunt. Regardless of what Andi wants, he’s invaded her space and life, and clearly has no plans to leave.
He did the same with Col and me, but after numerous disappearing acts that kept both of us worried for days on end, I simply stopped giving a shit.
I can’t afford to let another person occupy that much of my concern when they aren’t deserving of it.
Not after the shit my own mother put me through.
And I’ll be damned if Briggs becomes to Andi what she was to me.
“You know he has a bed, right?” I hike a thumb over my shoulder in the direction of our apartment.
“He presents like an untrained dog, but don’t let his mopey ass fool you.
If you give Briggs an inch, he’ll take a mile.
It’s best to leash him while you still can.
” Andi’s eyebrows dip together, a slight wrinkle forming at my harsh assessment.
“Tsk, tsk,” Briggs deadpans, his eyes staying closed despite the alert tone of his voice. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor, you sanctimonious fuckwad.”
“You’re my roommate, asshole.” I cross my arms, glaring daggers at the nonplussed idiot.
Briggs makes a noncommittal sound, then mumbles around a yawn, “Tomato, potato. But don’t you worry, I’ll come to heel whenever Andi commands me to.
I’m nothing if not loyal, Angel.” I don’t bother correcting his butchered use of the phrase; he does that shit on purpose.
However, his sardonic smile isn’t lost on me, and for the briefest second, guilt washes over me at the sincerity tinging his words.
Sadly, I think his unwavering loyalty is one of the main reasons he’s so twisted up inside.
“We should get going. You’re already late as it is,” Andi cuts in, her hand reaching back to pull the door shut before I can think of something scathing to respond with.
I grunt and turn towards the courtyard, belatedly remembering to slow my steps so Andi can keep pace with me.
A cold front swept through the area overnight, and the ratty hoodie she’s sporting is undoubtedly doing a piss-poor job of keeping her warm.
Her hands are tucked inside the sleeves as she rushes to get inside the Jeep, the chatter of her teeth grating against my fucking nerves.
Thankfully, I had the forethought to turn the heat on, but I quickly press the button that activates her seat warmer.
Andi should be at a point in her life where simply getting by is nothing but a distant memory.
She’s just a few years younger than us, and we suffered through some dark months to get to where we are now.
It saddens me to think of the woman she’d be if it weren’t for the actions of a few spineless fanatics, but pity’s the last thing you want when the odds are stacked against you, and you’re fighting to carve a space for yourself in this fucked up world.
Col and I detested those looks we’d get when there was no other choice but to hit up the local food bank while we were in between paychecks.
Some months seemed to drag on at a snail’s pace, but fuck, it felt good to stand on our own two feet when we finally made it.
Andi won’t take kindly to any handouts she’s offered, but there’s no way in hell I can stand by while she freezes her ass off all winter long.
And therein lies the root of my constant dread: I care.
Despite every vow I’ve made to myself to keep my circle small, it continues to grow, and without my fucking consent.
Col brought Royce into the mix, so by default, Rita was added as well.
And then Briggs wormed his way in, but I’m trying my hardest to push his self-absorbed ass back out.
Then Raiden came along, and last to join, but dishing out the biggest hit to my carefully crafted walls, is Andilyn too-beautiful-for-her-own-damn-good Adams.
When Pops died, I refused to invest my time in anyone aside from Col.
I couldn’t afford emotional attachments after losing him.
James O’Rourke was larger than life, and nothing could’ve prepared me to have him taken away so suddenly.
Growing up, he was indestructible in my eyes, but pancreatic cancer doesn’t discriminate, and it quickly proved that no one’s immune to the harsher sides of life, heroes included.
He’d worked his ass off to make sure Col and I were given everything we needed to make something of ourselves, but turning down my full-ride scholarship to play football in Tennessee was hands-down the easiest decision I’ve ever made.
There wasn’t a chance in hell of me leaving him after we got his test results back.
I promised him I wouldn’t defer my education beyond a year, but when the day came and we said our last goodbye, I didn’t have it in me to pick up where I’d left off and carry on like I hadn’t lost the man who made me who I am.
My passion for playing football was nonexistent at that point, but I refused to let Pops down.
So, in order to keep the promise I made to a dying man, I took online classes instead.
My course load was brutal, but I pushed through it, refusing to give myself a break in fear of calling it quits.
We took over Pops’ lease at the trailer park, and Col went to work with Royce while I spent my days cramming for tests I barely understood.
In the evenings, I worked as a forklift operator at the local parts factory so I could contribute to our expenses as well.
He was coming as I was going, so we didn’t see much of each other for several years.
But we made it to the other side, and I’d dare say Pop would be proud of what we’ve managed to accomplish in his absence.
I’m not where I thought I’d be, but I’m oddly okay with that.