Chapter 19
Raiden
I’m beyond exhausted, but I force my body into motion and head towards the old firehouse.
I’m running late to dinner, a trait that’s becoming far too commonplace for me as of late, but the backlog of paperwork I’m still wading through is astronomical.
I worked so hard to get to this point in my life, but I’m starting to question if it was even worth it.
Chief takes every opportunity he gets to remind me that my involvement in the Veritas case doesn’t magically absolve me of my fuck up, as it shouldn’t, but he’s beating a dead horse.
No amount of time spent riding a desk is going to make me a better detective.
I need experience, and at this rate, I doubt I’ll ever get it.
I park my truck along the street, utilizing the private spot I pay an astronomical amount of money for, and take a moment to decompress, knowing my night isn’t going to be spent unwinding with friends.
I’m thrilled to see Andi, but I’m so fucking sick of being the bearer of bad news.
I knew going into it that this line of work wasn’t for the faint of heart, yet something tells me Andi’s involvement is in direct correlation with my stress levels.
I’ve stretched myself so thin, I’m practically transparent at this point.
I have no more pieces of myself to allocate and disperse amongst my never-ending responsibilities. If I’m not at work, I’m here with Andi.
I’ve kept this charade up for as long as I can, but it’s no longer feasible.
Something has to give. What little sleep I manage to get is beyond shitty, my nights spent tossing and turning on an ancient spring mattress.
Not to mention the dent made in my bank account from spending six weeks living in a hotel room and all the expenses that come along with it.
I’d hate to know how much I’ve spent on takeout alone.
I’m running out of options, but this stupid lie I concocted has gone on for so long that I have no idea how to go about fessing up.
And I refuse to make Andi think she isn’t welcome to stay as long as she needs to.
As long as she wants to. I’ll take out a second mortgage to foot my living costs if that’s what it takes, but what I won’t do is let her walk away thinking she’s a burden.
The shrill sound of my phone ringing brings me back to the present, a quick glance at the screen revealing Mia’s name.
It goes to voicemail a second later, like the dozen other times I’ve screened her call over the past month.
I appease her with a few text messages here and there to keep her off my back, but there’s no doubt in my mind she’ll pick up on my overall state of distress if she gets me on the phone.
My sister has the uncanny ability of reading me like a book, and her meddling is the last thing I need.
Ashamedly, I’ve avoided my family since I butchered the Stetson case and had my ass handed to me, which wasn’t a difficult feat, seeing as my parents are currently on a four-month world cruise.
Cell reception is a rarity, so we’ve kept our communication to emails.
Mia, however, is a bit more persistent. She’s six years my senior and acts like a second mom when her intuition starts to prickle, that sixth-sense, voodoo shit clueing her in to whatever dilemma I’ve found myself in.
I make a mental note to shoot her a text later tonight, knowing she’ll alert the fucking masses if she doesn’t hear from me in the next twenty-four hours.
I take the front steps two at a time, the cool night air waking me up a bit.
Not bothering to knock, I push the guys’ door open, my steps faltering when I spot Andi on the couch, a blanket tucked around her and Hudson.
My brows dip together in confusion as I prod my overworked brain for any memory of Seth reaching out today, but nothing rings a bell.
I nod at Colsen as I pass the kitchen, my stomach growling as I catch a whiff of the roasted veggies cooling on a sheet pan.
“This is new,” I comment, taking a seat next to Andi.
She follows my gaze to Hudson, his attention laser-focused on the tablet in his hands.
“You’ve never watched him here. At your place.
” It takes me a second to realize what I’ve said, but the fact of the matter is that I don’t really see it as mine anymore.
I pay the mortgage payment and stock the fridge, but every inch of that space is hers until she decides otherwise.
“Seth was outside waiting when he called and asked if I could keep Hudson for a few hours. I have no idea where he went, but something isn’t right with him.
” Andi tugs her bottom lip between her teeth, her gaze straying as she gets lost in thought.
“I want to help him, but aside from watching Hudson whenever he needs me to, I’m not sure there’s anything I can do.
He needs professional intervention at this point, a therapist or bereavement counselor.
Someone qualified to navigate trauma of this magnitude.
His grief is drastically different than mine, so any words of comfort or commiseration I offer fall woefully short of what Seth actually needs to hear.
” Her voice is quiet, the weight of someone else’s misery bearing down on her delicate shoulders.
“I’ll reach out and see if I can get a read on what’s going on inside his head,” I offer, squeezing Andi’s hand in reassurance. She gives me a small, grateful smile, but it lacks confidence, knowing the likelihood of Seth spilling his guts to me is slim to none.
“Thank fuck it’s the weekend,” Dayton groans, dropping his bags by the door before kicking it closed.
“I’m so sick of being bullied by hormonal adolescents, but teen girls are the fucking worst. We might’ve done some stupid shit in our day, but I don’t recall us eating laundry pods for the hell of it.
” He’s so lost to his incensed rambling that Colsen’s elbow is able to make contact with his ribcage before he can block it.
“Jesus, Col. What the ever-loving…” Dayton snaps his mouth shut when he catches sight of Andi, his eyes rounding as they fall to Hudson a second later.
“Little ears are listening,” Colsen explains the obvious, his focus split between blending the roasted ingredients for tomato soup and observing his friend’s reaction.
“I see that,” Dayton replies, his tone growing softer as he moves closer to Andi. “Who’s this, Butterfly?” It’s a formality, a way to break the tension, because there’s no doubt in my mind he’s heard all about Hudson Taylor.
“This,” Andi says, a smile evident in her voice as she starts to speak.
“Is my bestest buddy.” She taps the screen of his tablet to pause the show he’s engrossed in, forcing his attention to hers.
“Hudson, this is Dayton.” She makes sure to emphasize his name, going above and beyond to bridge the gap in Hudson’s speech delay and the elective silence he’s fallen into since his time with Veritas.
Before Dayton has the chance to respond, there’s a knock at the door, Royce and Rita waltzing in a second later.
“Where’s my second favorite girl? I heard she’s got a special guest tonight,” Royce demands, his view of Andi obstructed by Dayton.
As if the racket summoned him, Briggs saunters out, his hair still damp from the shower he’s recently taken.
He heads straight for Andi, shouldering Dayton out of the way so he’s positioned directly in front of her.
“Let me take him so it’s easier for you to get up,” Briggs insists, a look of understanding passing between the two of them that most definitely piques my interest. He lifts Hudson without protest, but the second Andi gets to her feet, he begins to squirm, his hands reaching out in her direction.
He settles the instant she places him on her hip, his head dropping to her shoulder in contentment.
“Oh my,” Royce drawls, his hands hidden behind his back as he steps forward to meet Hudson.
“I have a feeling you and I are going to be great friends, so I made sure to bring you a gift in hopes of earning myself some favoritism.” He winks, revealing a toy excavator.
“When you’re ready for the real deal, we’ll get you suited up, and I’ll take you for a ride.
” Andi politely takes the toy and hands it to Hudson, acting as the middleman, her eyes watery from Royce’s kindness.
He grips it tightly, hugging it against his chest, but shows no interest in playing with it just yet.
“Thank you,” Andi whispers, giving Royce a side-hug as the rest of us disperse and take our seats.
Since their first introduction, those two have fallen into an easy friendship.
It’s obvious he admires Andi’s tenacity, and despite his penchant for charity, I’ve never once seen him look at her with anything less than the admiration she deserves.
Briggs pulls a chair out for Andi, so I move to the opposite side and take the one across from her.
Colsen places a steaming pot of soup in the center of the table, followed by a stack of grilled cheeses.
They’re perfectly cooked, on sourdough to boot, reminding me of my childhood and the comfort foods my mother would make when Mia and I fell sick.
We chat idly while eating, catching up on each other’s week and what the next one holds.
Royce and Colsen are nearly done with a big project a few weeks ahead of schedule, which leaves them some free time to volunteer at Rita’s shelter.
“Is there anything specific you need donation-wise?” I question, wondering if I could put something together at work.
“We cater to everyone, so we accept all types of clothing. The only thing we ask to be new and unopened is undergarments. Food can be anything non-perishable, as we get a stock of meat and produce twice a month from several different vendors, but with the holidays approaching, we like to offer Thanksgiving vouchers to our families in transition. It gives them the option to cook their own meal, and that small semblance of normalcy goes a long way in boosting morale. We still do a community dinner for those who don’t have anyone to celebrate with, so every bit helps,” Rita explains, her commitment to giving back a noble cause I fully support.
“That’s amazing,” Andi chimes in, her eyes trained on Rita as she blindly hands Hudson a small bite of her grilled cheese.
It’s baffling to me how natural her instincts are when it comes to him.
She expertly splits her focus, but still keeps him in her periphery at all times.
“I’d love to help out if you’re in need of more volunteers.
” Briggs whips his head to the side, his eyebrow arching when Andi deigns to meet his stare.
My gaze volleys between them, a smile tugging at my lips when she rolls her eyes, dismissing whatever point Briggs was trying to make.
It feels like an entire conversation took place without them ever uttering a word, and being on the outside looking in only stokes my jealousy.
“That’d be great, Andi,” Rita responds, her genuine sincerity shining through. “We could actually use some help in the morning if you don’t have any plans.”
“No plans. I’m free as long as you need me.”
“I can join you, which solves the ride dilemma: two birds, one stone,” Colsen offers, his smug grin more grating than usual.
I’ve been the one working myself to the bone to ensure Andi’s needs are being met, but they’re constantly inserting themselves into her day-to-day, and their increased involvement makes it feel like my purpose in her life is on shaky ground.
I’m grateful she has people she can rely on, but I dread the day she doesn’t need me anymore.
I’ve always known Andi’s determination and strength would have her on her feet in no time, and I’ll proudly watch her flourish when the time comes, but what happens to me?
Besides giving her a place to sleep and acting as a glorified chauffeur, I’m not sure I have much else to offer.
Getting to know Andi has changed my perception of the world; it’s made me more cognizant of how I act and respond to certain situations.
When I was at the lowest point in my life and feeling vexed about reaping the consequences of my own making, our chance meeting brought me some much-needed clarity.
That’s not to say her trauma is meant to serve as a life lesson, but it’s impossible to fret over the small shit when you’re in the orbit of someone who’s endured what she has.
My bad days are five-star, all-inclusive vacations compared to what hers were.
I can’t fathom losing someone who’s had such a monumental impact on who I am as a person.
I’m ripped from my inner ramblings when Briggs makes a sound of annoyance, a crease denting his forehead as Colsen and Andi discuss a timeline for tomorrow.
I have no idea what his story is beyond the vague explanation I was given during one of his many bouts of disappearing, but it hasn’t escaped my notice that he’s yet to pull that shit since Andi arrived.
He struggles with addiction, that much I do know, and the possibility of him transferring that fixation to her has definitely crossed my mind.
He’s been glued to her from the moment they met.
Even now, as Andi excuses herself to change Hudson’s diaper, his gaze tracks her every move.
I shift in my seat, growing uncomfortable from the intense way he watches her.
Or maybe it’s the news I’ve yet to share that’s making me uneasy.
I didn’t want to dampen the mood over dinner, but now that we’re finished, I find myself grappling for another excuse to procrastinate.
Andi rejoins us a few moments later, her eyes catching mine as she situates Hudson.
He’s sprawled across her chest, hands tucked beneath him as he fights to stay awake.
Her attention is fixated on my hand, my finger tapping a staccato rhythm against the dining table in an attempt to expel the nerves bombarding me.
Her head tilts slightly, and I watch in fascination at how quickly she’s able to get a read on me.
I can see her piecing it together behind those gorgeous eyes she hates so much.
Andi’s precarious hold on survival while locked inside that compound necessitated that she hone her observation skills, so it comes as no surprise when she has me pegged in a matter of seconds.
“What’s wrong?” We’ve been locked in a world of our own, but the side conversations taking place come to a screeching halt at Andi’s soft-spoken concern. Steeling my spine, I exhale raggedly and proceed to explain the latest development in Tobias’ case.