Chapter 21 #3
I don’t know much about being a parent, but I do know that when you bring a child into the world, your priorities shift in an instant.
Your needs come second to theirs, so as much as I sympathize with Seth’s heartbreak, his child should always take precedence.
Every single time. He needs stability, not the fault line Seth has them teetering on with the threat of an earthquake looming on the horizon.
He steps away from me, breaking our connection, and gives a single nod to Raiden before slipping out the door.
I clench my hands, so I’m not tempted to reach for Hudson, the effort it takes to let them leave without any pushback making my stomach dip with a mixture of nausea and trepidation.
“He smelt like a brewery,” I mumble absently, still staring at the door, my heart clinging to the hope that they’ll walk back through it.
My mind, however, conjures up a slew of nightmarish possibilities.
Like Seth behind the wheel, inebriated, trying to make the two-hour drive to his home without incident.
“He was breathalyzed,” Raiden assures me, my gaze cutting to his as a rush of relief floods my system.
“I wouldn’t have let him leave with Hudson if he was still under the influence.
I’m sorry he put you in this position, sweetheart.
It’s a slap in the face to abuse your kindness the way he did last night, and trust me when I say he fully understands the severity of his fuck up. ”
“I’ll give you that, Detective.” Dayton laughs, his eyes brimming with mischief.
“You’ve got some balls of steel staring down a man who could bury you without breaking a sweat.
Broken as said man is, he’s still a Green Beret.
You must have a death wish or a serious case of delusion where your combative skills are concerned. ”
“I have neither of those.” Raiden’s intense stare pins me to the spot, his response directed at Dayton, but the words are meant for me.
“But I do have protective instincts, and they seem to disregard any and all threats to my own well-being when it comes to the people I care about.” Dayton lets out a low whistle, a hint of respect reflected in the appraising look he aims at Raiden.
“And I also had the fact that Seth was painfully hungover on my side,” he jokes, bringing some levity to the moment.
But I’d be willing to bet that Seth’s sobriety had little to do with Raiden’s willingness to give him an earful.
Something tells me it’s an inherent part of his nature to stand up to injustices, regardless of how trivial they are.
“Give me a few minutes to get ready, and we can head out,” I announce, looking at Colsen. A quick glance at the clock reveals it’s mid-morning, and I hate that we’ve lost so much of the day already.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Colsen eyes me warily, searching for a reason to keep us here.
“Positive.” My reply is firm, leaving no room for debate. “I need to keep busy so I’m not obsessing over Seth and Hudson all day. I’m sure Rita has plenty of tasks on her to-do list that will help me accomplish that.”
“If that’s what it takes to clear your head, then that’s what we’ll do. Rita certainly won’t deny the extra help.” His smile is faint, but he doesn’t question me any further.
I turn on my heel and close myself inside the bedroom.
Raiden’s bedroom, a fact I’m aware of and need to discuss with him at some point soon.
There are too many secrets between us, and this desire he feels to keep up the ruse has gone on for far too long.
I could speculate about why he’s insisted on denying he owns the place, but I think we’re both overdue to spill some truths.
I’m dreading the impending conversation, because I know when I admit to being pregnant, Raiden is going to be especially hurt by my decision to keep quiet about it.
I make quick work of grabbing an outfit for the day.
With such limited options, there’s not much to ponder.
As I’m walking by the dresser towards the bathroom, my attention snags on the toy excavator that Roy bought for Hudson.
I pause beside it, my eyes welling with tears when I think of the room he has at home that’s full to bursting with toys of every kind.
He’s shown no interest in anything outside of his tablet, but the fact he even acknowledged the gift was a step in the right direction.
I long for the day when he’s finally freed from any lingering memories of his mother’s death, but I also worry it won’t ever come.
Some wounds are too deep to recover from.
I shake off the melancholy and head for the shower.
As much as I’d like to take my time and let the hot spray loosen my muscles, I know that being here, trapped inside with echoes of Hudson’s pain-filled scream reverberating through my mind, is only going to heighten my anxiety.
I’m out and dressed in a matter of minutes, my skin feeling too tight against the panic trying to pull me under.
I take a long, deep breath as we step outside, the crisp morning air cleansing my lungs, and push all thoughts of Hudson from my brain.
If I want to be remotely productive today, I have to trust that while Seth might be flippant about his own life, he’d never purposely endanger his son’s.