Chapter 28
Andilyn
I’ve tossed and turned all night, my thoughts so turbulent it’s making it impossible to actually rest. For several hours, I’ve lain awake in the dark, awaiting the sun’s inevitable rise on another new day.
Briggs is sleeping peacefully beside me, our bodies maintaining a constant point of connection despite my restlessness, and as much as I’d love to bask in the comfort of his nearness, I need to move.
Carefully extracting myself from the mound of covers piled around us, I pad across the cool, polished floors and quietly close the door behind me.
The apartment is bathed in darkness, my soft exhale the only sound disrupting the otherwise silence.
I’ve barely had a moment to myself since leaving the compound, and while I’m usually grateful to have the guys’ company, it’s nice to sit with my own thoughts without fielding a barrage of questions regarding my current mental state.
I’m not the least bit hungry, but taking my daily prenatal on an empty stomach tends to make me queasy, so I force down a breakfast bar to ward off the worst of it.
Leaning against the kitchen counter, I glance around the room, nearly fainting when my gaze clashes with Raiden’s.
He’s lying on the couch, arms behind his head as he watches me intently, his dark stare so pensive it feels like he’s picking apart my soul.
Something tells me he’s been aware of my presence this entire time, even though I’ve been clueless about his.
Neither of us says a word or moves to close the distance between us.
He doesn’t need to voice it for me to know I’ve hurt him.
It was obvious last night, and even more so now as he climbs to his feet and slowly strides towards me, the bags beneath his eyes letting me know how fitfully he slept.
He props himself against the opposite counter, only a few feet of space separating us, his proximity causing a cold sweat to bead on my skin.
I fold my arms across my chest, a defensive maneuver to give myself the illusion of protection, but no amount of fortification is going to shield me from the scolding that awaits me.
Raiden has every right to speak his mind and rehash all the ways I’ve betrayed our friendship by keeping such a massive secret, but the longer he stays quiet, the more my fear begins to grow into something uncontainable.
I start to fidget, shifting from foot to foot, my throat growing tight as I scramble to formulate what I need to say without it coming across as nothing more than a feeble excuse.
“Was it me?” he questions, his voice gruff with sleep. “Did I do something to make you think that you couldn’t confide in me?” My chest squeezes painfully.
“What?” Disbelief drenches my tone, but his uncertainty should come as no surprise.
The choices I knowingly made have instilled the doubt he now has, but I’ll crack myself open and bare everything if it’ll wipe that look off his face.
“You didn’t do anything wrong, Raiden. I was in shock for so long, and a part of me–admittedly a stupid part–thought it wasn’t real if I didn’t talk about it.
I wasn’t ready to face reality, not when I was supposed to be free of Tobias, only to find out I’d be tied to the asshole, to some extent, for the rest of my life.
Honestly, after everything he put me through, I stayed confident in my belief that I’d make it out of there.
“When I found out I was pregnant, that confidence shriveled up and died. Of all the ways Tobias has tried to break me over the years, I think this is the closest he’s ever come to actually succeeding.
At least physically. I’m still not convinced I’m making the right choice, and I question my ability to love this child every day, but I refuse to continue a cycle of hatred based on something as trivial as genetics.
This kid has no say in who their father is, but I can choose to be a good mother.
I’m sorry it’s taken me so long to come around and feel confident in my decision, but if I was struggling to accept this baby, it stood to reason that the rest of you would as well.
I couldn’t handle losing the only people I have, and as much as I value your opinions, I needed to make this choice on my own. ”
I tug my lip between my teeth, anxiously waiting for Raiden to say something, but he seems perfectly content to leave me in suspense. Finally, he pushes off the counter, his hands sliding beneath my arms as he lifts me effortlessly, placing me on the counter so our faces are level with one another.
“Can I?” he whispers, gripping the hem of my T-shirt. My nod is barely perceptible, but his watchful gaze misses nothing.
He lifts the fabric, just enough to see the bump concealed beneath it, then takes a step back so his view is unobstructed.
His fingers trace the growing slope of my stomach, causing my breath to hitch, and then he kneels between my thighs, his dark eyes never straying from mine as he places a gentle kiss against the taut skin of my belly.
Emotions I’ve long forgotten, ones I’ve carefully locked away and sworn would never see the light of day, surge forward so abruptly, it’s painful.
It takes herculean effort to swallow past the tight knot of fear clogging my throat.
I don’t want to feel what he’s eliciting; I need the walls I’ve erected to hold steady in the face of his impossibly sweet reverence.
“Minha luz, you should know by now that whatever you come with, I want it. Broken pieces or extra baggage, I claim it all. There’s nothing you could say or do that would make me change my mind about you.
I’m here. I’m not going anywhere, and if it takes time for me to prove that, then so be it.
You’re going to be an amazing mother, and I can’t wait to watch you flourish as you navigate this next chapter.
I know it might not seem like a blessing at the moment, but nothing you have a hand in creating could ever be anything less than perfect.
” Tears sting my eyes, my chin trembling as I grapple for something to say that would even come close to expressing how appreciative I am to have him in my life.
History has taught me to be wary of such easy acceptance, but I push aside my distorted thought process and cling to what I know–the indisputable fact that Raiden has been my constant from the very start, refusing to leave my side when he could have washed his hands of me weeks ago.
I press my head against his chest once he climbs to his feet, breathing in the scent of his day-old cologne as he pulls me in and wraps his arms around my shoulders.
Since the day Tobias betrayed me, I’ve refused to form attachments that could result in another avoidable heartbreak, but these men are making it incredibly difficult to stick to that mantra.
It feels like an eternity passes before Raiden finally pulls away and adjusts my T-shirt.
“I received this late last night,” he starts, tapping his phone screen before handing it over. I scan the short email, struggling to understand Seth’s thought process. “I confirmed we’d be there, but if you aren’t feeling up to it, we can always reschedule.”
“No, I definitely want to hear what he has to say,” I respond absently.
“It just feels ominous. Why would an estate attorney have any reason to contact me? Knowing my luck, Seth listed me as next-of-kin in case of an emergency, and now I’m going to be liable for any debt he has.
” Raiden snorts, shaking his head at my dramatics.
“Who knows? Maybe Seth was a secret collector of extremely rare Pokémon cards that are worth the GDP of a small country, and as a thank you for all the times you came to his rescue, he decided to leave the entire collection to you.” I nearly scoff, knowing my luck would never be skewed so favorably.
“We’ve got a few hours before we need to leave, so how’s breakfast sound?
I’m not much of a cook, but that granola bar monstrosity you were eating couldn’t have possibly been enough to properly nourish two people.
” Raiden cocks an eyebrow, daring me to argue, but Briggs stumbles from the bedroom before I can think of a plausible comeback.
“How about we forgo the part where you nearly burn the firehouse down, destroying a piece of Chaplain’s history, and skip straight to grabbing takeout?
” His sleep-mussed hair draws my attention, my gaze fixated on the bare expanse of his chest. My stomach dips, a swarm of butterflies taking flight.
My reaction to Briggs is a reminder that although it’s been dormant, my body is perfectly capable of feeling desire, and judging by his cocky smirk, he’s well aware of what his near-nakedness is doing to my libido.
“I need to get my car from the courthouse anyway. You down to run me over there real quick?” He aims the question at Raiden while grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge.
“If they haven’t towed it,” Raiden comments dryly.
“Good thing I know a guy who works for the city.” Briggs grins, heavily implying that our resident detective has the ability to pull some strings if such a fate has befallen his vehicle.
“Get dressed, asshole.” Raiden shoves him towards the bedroom, ignoring his indignant scoff at being manhandled.