Chapter 37
Andilyn
Our Friday night dinner is steeped in awkwardness after Dayton’s abrupt exit, so we say our goodbyes, and I promise to bring Hudson by Royce’s construction site so he can see all the equipment in person.
Raiden announces he has a few calls to make and some paperwork to catch up on, so he kisses my temple and heads toward his temporary bedroom for some privacy.
Col keeps glancing at the balcony door, likely already knowing what’s wrong with the man he’s been best friends with since childhood, but he doesn’t seem keen on invading the space that Dayton has put between him and us.
Handing Hudson over to Briggs so he can take him home and put him to bed, I kiss his chubby cheek and promise I won’t be long.
Heading up the spiral staircase, I make no effort to keep my arrival a secret.
I’m practically stomping, furious that Dayton has reverted to his old habit of becoming an overbearing, demanding prick when he’s upset or frustrated.
I thought we’d moved past this–the two of us taking pleasure in pressing each other’s buttons instead of having an actual conversation.
But it seems I was wrong, because here we are, back to square one.
When I make it to the top, I find Dayton on the far side of the roof, his back facing me as he leans his arms over the brick balustrade.
Swirling an empty whiskey glass in his hand, it’s obvious he’s lost in thought, staring at the twinkling lights of Chaplain as night settles over the city.
“What the hell is wrong with you?” I demand, coming to a stop beside him, out of breath and on the brink of crying.
I hate how emotional pregnancy has made me.
I spent the better part of the past six years refusing to shed a tear, and now I cry at the drop of a hat.
Dayton remains perfectly still, but his head slides to the side, taking me in.
His face is blank of all emotion, not giving me the slightest clue what he’s thinking.
“I don’t think you want to do this right now, Butterfly,” he voices quietly, turning his attention back to the landscape.
“I absolutely do!” I spit, growing more incensed by the second.
“Is that so?” Dayton prods, turning so he’s leaning against the barrier, his light blue eyes brimming with barely contained rage. “What part about you’re mine did you not understand, Butterfly?”
“Excuse me?” I sputter, shocked by the absolute nerve of him. “Let’s get one thing perfectly clear, Dayton. I don’t belong to anyone. Not you. Not Briggs. Not Raiden. Not Col.” I tick them off one by one. “I am no one’s property, and the only person I have to answer to is me.”
“Yeah?” He prowls forward, forcing me to take several steps back.
“Then what in the actual fuck were your panties doing in the bathroom that Col had just finished taking a shower in?” He shoves a hand in his pocket to retrieve them, dangling the black fabric from a single finger.
“The two of you looked guilty as hell when I ran into you, so is this where you feed me some bullshit about it not being what it looked like?”
“No,” I answer calmly, realizing that my time for stalling is up, and the only option I have is to be brutally honest. “I’ll spare you the details, but yes, Col and I did have a moment in the bathroom.
” Dayton swears, chucking his glass across the terrace.
It shatters into a thousand pieces, but surprisingly, his outward show of anger doesn’t frighten me.
If Tobias even moved too quickly, I’d flinch, but I know that Dayton would never hurt me.
“So fuck me, then?” he questions, chest heaving as he drops his head back to stare at the sky. His voice is full of pain, like he’s already lost something that meant more to him than words could ever explain.
“I mean, sure, I’ve definitely fantasized about it,” I tease, trying to lighten the mood, but my joke falls flat when his watery gaze meets mine. I suck in a sharp breath, my chest squeezing painfully at seeing someone so strong being reduced to such a fragile state.
“I’ve never had anything that was truly mine, Butterfly.
I wanted that to be you. I would’ve made you so happy.
Beg, borrow, or steal–I’d have given you the fucking world.
I knew…” His voice cracks, and he pauses to clear his throat before continuing.
“I knew you were confused, but I didn’t think you’d make a decision and then act on it without letting me down first.”
“Dayton.” I shake my head, wondering how he’s both right and wrong.
“I did make a decision, but it’s not what you think.
” He scoffs, but I push on, knowing I might not have the courage to say this at another time if I put it off.
“I’ve been with Briggs, Raiden, and Col, in some capacity, and believe me, whatever thoughts you’re having about me right now, they couldn’t possibly compete with what I’ve thought about myself.
So, yes, I decided that I’m not deciding.
I don’t know how it’s possible to fall for four completely different men, but as improbable as it sounds, it’s still the truth.
“I didn’t ask for this, but a part of me feels like the universe is repaying the debt it owes me by giving me the four of you.
I don’t want to lose any of you, and I know I went about this all wrong.
We should’ve had a conversation, all of us, about the dynamic of our relationships, before things ever became physical.
I can’t take it back, though, and honestly, I wouldn’t want to.
You were the first man I kissed after Tobias, an act I didn’t think I’d ever be comfortable with, but you made that possible.
You made me feel desire for the first time in years, Dayton.
You. I’m not sure any of this would be happening right now if you hadn’t made the first move,” I confess, searching his too-handsome face for any sign of what he’s thinking.
Several painfully long seconds pass before he finally speaks.
“Are you saying that I’m the one who got you hot and bothered, but since I didn’t finish the job, you went and found someone else to do it?” He arches an eyebrow playfully.
“No, you ass.” I laugh, the pressure in my chest finally easing.
“So what does that mean, Butterfly, that you’re not choosing? Where does that leave us?” he questions softly, brushing my hair aside as the wind picks up.
“I don’t know.” My reply is soft-spoken, the uncertainty in my voice unmistakable.
“I have no idea what I’m doing, Dayton. I’ve been acting on feelings instead of logic, and I’m scared that we can’t undo what’s already been done.
” My throat grows tight with the admission, because I don’t think; I know.
I can’t pretend that I don’t know what Raiden feels like moving inside of me, or what Col looks like naked.
“No, baby, you can’t. What’s done is done,” Dayton confirms, my fears of us crashing and burning growing tenfold with his agreement. Taking a deep breath, I put some space between us, wishing for a time machine so I could go back and handle this differently than I have.
“Can I have my underwear, please?” My cheeks heat from the fact that he’s still fisting them.
“No, you may not,” he responds cockily, erasing the space I created with a single stride.
“Do you know how crazy it’s made me all evening, knowing you’re bare beneath that sweet little sundress?
It makes you look like an innocent virgin, but that couldn’t be further from the truth, could it?
” His finger traces the hemline, brushing against my thigh.
“Is that your way of saying I’m a whore?” I deadpan. “Just because someone enjoys sex doesn’t mean they’re being intimate with a different person every day.”
“Don’t put words in my mouth, Butterfly.
Besides, you’re fucking several in the same day, aren’t you?
” My pained inhale is cut short when he wraps his hand around my throat, applying the slightest bit of pressure.
“And yet, despite you allowing my best friend to do despicable things to your hot little body just a few short hours ago, I still want you. So what does that make me? A masochist, perhaps? Or just plain stupid?” His fingers tighten imperceptibly, as if the reminder of me and Col angers him.
“Want to know what I think?” he starts, pausing to drag his lips along the side of my neck.
I tilt my head to the side to give him better access, my heart rate picking up with every word he utters, his warm breath causing goosebumps to pebble my skin.
“I think that makes you mine, in the same way that I’m yours, and no one else’s involvement is ever going to change that. ”
I rise to my tiptoes, pressing my lips to his, unable to stave off my need a second longer.
Everything about Dayton entices the body and mind.
His sheer size and presence, the thickness of his tree-trunk thighs that I have no doubt translates to other things.
My fingers graze the buzzed hairs atop his head, the tickling sensation only driving my desire higher.
He grabs me by the ass and lifts my feet off the ground, wedging his leg between mine.
The moment my center connects with the roughened, faded denim of his blue jeans, a keening sound escapes me.
How is it possible that I’m this turned on after having three orgasms today?
“Ride my thigh, Butterfly, and tell me all about these fantasies you’ve supposedly had,” Dayton instructs, gripping my hips to help me rock against him.
“Don’t leave a single detail out.” Too focused on chasing my release to bother responding, he holds me still, depriving me of what I’m so desperate for.
“Start talkin.’” I huff in frustration, slightly embarrassed to be voicing such private thoughts aloud.