Chapter 38 #4
“Oh, I don’t know, Col,” Dayton starts, his tone dripping in sarcasm.
“Since about two years ago, I suppose, when he showed up on our doorstep, lost and barely making it through the day. I might’ve forgotten that recently because of my own trauma, but at least I’m trying to make amends.
I’ll see you at home, Butterfly.” He doesn’t give Col the time to formulate a response before he drops a kiss on my and Hudson’s heads and exits the restaurant without another word.
I toy with my napkin-covered silverware, feeling incredibly uncomfortable after witnessing the two of them being so angry with one another, but also feeling like I’m the culprit of their newfound issues.
I debate if we should even continue lunch, but the waitress returns with our drinks and takes our orders before I can suggest leaving.
We eat in silence mostly, exchanging the occasional question or two, but it’s all surface-level conversation, and I hate every second of it.
Our first time speaking on the phone wasn’t even this awkward, the two of us connecting instantly.
There were nights we could’ve talked for hours about the most mundane things, and yet I’m struggling to fill the silence right now.
How the hell did we get here? Me, that’s how.
My stupid, greedy heart that wanted to have her cake and eat it, too.
After lunch, we head to a nearby grocery store.
As I consult the coupons I clipped last week, Col keeps Hudson entertained.
For a while, things feel normal, the three of us breezing through the aisles, laughing at the squeals tumbling out of Hudson whenever Col pushes the cart faster than necessary.
When it’s becoming obvious that we’re drawing attention to ourselves, my cheeks turn pink, and I focus back on the task at hand.
At the checkout counter, a middle-aged woman smiles dreamily at the sight we make.
“You have a beautiful family,” she comments, handing over the last of our bagged items. I swallow thickly, unsure of how to respond.
I smile in thanks, then move aside so Colsen can pay.
Once we’re finished, we head towards his truck and get Hudson situated.
It’s a short drive to The Village, and Col runs everything inside so we don’t have to unbuckle Hudson again.
Once he’s back behind the wheel, the air is thick with things unsaid.
We barely make it a mile down the road before I can’t bite my tongue any longer.
“I’m sorry. I know I’m the reason you and Dayton are at each other’s throats.
I hate it, Col. I hate that I’m fucked up inside and want more than what I’m supposed to by society’s standards.
I didn’t fall for all of you on purpose.
” My voice trails off at the end, full of defeat.
He doesn’t respond to anything I’ve said, his stoicism making me wonder if he’s even heard me.
We enter the construction site a moment later, the truck bouncing across the gravel before we come to a stop outside of a mobile office building.
After shifting into park, Col turns to face me, his hand gripping the back of my head to ensure my focus doesn’t stray.
“There’s not a thing wrong with you, Sunshine,” he promises. “This has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with me.”
“Then talk to me,” I beg. “Ask me whatever questions you need to, or vent your frustrations. Whatever’s going to help you, I’ll do it.” I twine our fingers together, squeezing them tightly, as if I’m desperate to hold on when I can feel him slipping away.
“That’s just it, Sunshine.” Col shakes his head sadly.
“If what I needed was for you to choose, would you do it?” I suck in a pained breath, my heart and mind at war with one another, desperate to give him the answer he wants but knowing I can’t.
He nods in resignation, a ragged exhale escaping him.
He kisses my forehead before exiting the truck, busying himself with unclipping Hudson.
I take several deep breaths, packing away my hurt and worry, terrified that I’ve already lost him.
My fingers tremble as I press the button to undo my seatbelt, barely getting it off before my door is flung open and Roy is standing there, dressed impeccably and completely out of place given the current environment.
His electric blue bowtie matches his socks, as per usual, and his now familiar presence serves as a balm to my battered heart.
I hug him tightly, grateful to have someone I consider a father figure in my life.
“How’s the little one?” He gestures to my stomach while helping me stand.
“Baby’s good,” I answer, placing my hand in the crook of his elbow as he directs us towards the line of heavy equipment parked by a massive chain-link fence.
We spend the better part of an hour visiting each one.
Hudson’s a ball of energy as he races around the cordoned-off area as fast as his little legs will carry him.
Roy never rushes him, letting him explore to his heart’s content.
He’s running on fumes by the time we call it quits.
Col and I have barely spoken, and that doesn’t change during our ride home.
We’re both lost in our own thoughts, but I’d give anything to know what he’s thinking.
This limbo we’re in is heart-wrenching, and I know, without a shadow of a doubt, I won’t be sleeping tonight over the thought of losing him.