Chapter 40
Andilyn
Iwake slowly, the last vestiges of sleep still clinging to my exhausted mind and body.
I slept like the dead last night, in large part to the pregnancy pillow that Briggs waltzed in with yesterday, a Cheshire grin stretched across his face because he’d known he was solving all of my sleeping woes.
Tossing and turning has become routine at this point, another addendum to the long list of reasons I’m eager to have this baby.
I never had the guidance of my mother growing up, but I can’t help but wish I did have someone I could commiserate with or help ease my worries as the day draws near.
We didn’t even speak about my first menstrual cycle, so any knowledge I’ve retained about childbirth and parenting has been learned through my own means.
I certainly didn’t have anyone to model in that regard, but the fears I’ve harbored about my maternal instincts fade more and more every day.
Every time Hudson trips and falls and my first thought is to check him over from head to toe, then soothe his cries with kisses and cuddles, I’m reminded that I’m nothing like my parents, and just because we share DNA doesn’t mean I’m destined to repeat their mistakes.
Blinking through the blurriness clouding my eyes, my gaze lands on Dayton sleeping peacefully beside me.
We’re facing one another, his deep breaths making his shoulders rise and fall in a steady rhythm.
He smells like Raiden’s body wash, which means he likely went for a run early this morning and ended up here afterward.
A pleased smile teases my lips, the idea of his exhausted body seeking out mine making my heart squeeze in adoration.
Being careful not to wake him, I trail my finger over his stubbled jaw, amazed that someone so handsome would even be interested in me and all the baggage I bring to the table.
Feeling behind me, my hand grazes Briggs’ bare abdomen, the slightest touch of his skin making my core clench with need.
All at once, he sucks in a startled breath, batting my hand away in a panic.
I gasp, struggling to push myself upright so I can face him.
His breathing is so ragged, I fear he might pass out.
Afraid to touch him and make the situation worse, I quietly watch as he gathers up the broken pieces he briefly lost control of and packs them away, his awareness coming back gradually.
“Briggs?” I voice hesitantly, my hand hovering above his arm.
He turns sharply, his obsidian eyes boring into me, likely wondering how much I’ve seen.
“Are you okay?” His brows pinch together, as if he’s trying to remind himself of where he is and concentrating on taking stock of his body.
It only takes him a few seconds to shake off the whole ordeal, but as someone who’s become adept at concealing her true emotions, I don’t believe for a second that he isn’t rattled to his core.
“Of course, Angel,” Briggs replies, a forced smile quirking his lips.
“Just a nightmare.” He slides from the bed, scrubbing a hand over his face, and calls out, “I’m going to take a shower before we head over for lunch.
” He’s gone before I can question him any further.
I press my lips together, debating if I should follow, but Dayton’s hand sliding over my thigh snags my attention.
“Leave him be, Butterfly,” he insists, his sleep-roughened voice making me melt.
“Do you know what that was about?” I pry, wanting to understand if it was something I did that triggered Briggs’ reaction.
“I do,” he answers reluctantly. “But it’s not my place to speak about it.
Briggs will tell you when he’s ready.” I huff in annoyance and flop to my back, knowing Dayton is right to keep his friend’s confidence, but frustrated just the same.
Because I know that Briggs has no intention of divulging his past anytime soon.
The moment our conversations even remotely veer in his direction, he clams up.
I don’t know anything about him. I have no idea what his childhood was like, or if he has any living family members he’s on speaking terms with.
He’s a mystery, and it’s preposterous when you consider that I’ve fallen irrevocably in love with a man I know so little about.
“Come here,” Dayton urges, banding his arm around my middle and pulling me against him.
Nestled in the curve of his body, my nervous system finally begins to calm.
“I know you want to make things better for him, because that’s exactly how we feel about you.
We hate when you’re hurting, and there’s nothing for us to physically beat the shit out of for causing you pain.
But Briggs has to want to face his demons before he can even contemplate fighting them.
Just know that this is a rough time of year for him, and maybe give him some grace these next few days.
He’s been a completely different person since meeting you, and I’m choosing to believe he won’t risk losing you by falling back on his usual coping mechanisms.”
“I’ve gotta say,” I start, grazing my fingers over the veins in his forearm. “Just a couple of months ago, I wouldn’t have expected you to be the one advocating for Briggs. I guess he’s not the only person who’s done some soul-searching recently.”
“You’ve certainly had a positive impact on my life, too,” Dayton whispers sweetly, brushing my hair aside so he can press a kiss to the back of my neck.
“Watching how you’ve navigated life after everything you’ve been through is pretty awe-inspiring, Butterfly.
You have more reasons than I can count to be wary of strangers, and yet you still treat every person you meet with polite respect.
You don’t hold others accountable for the actions of a few, and that’s a lesson I needed to learn.
You’ve given the four of us the chance to know you intimately–not just your body, but your thoughts and that incredible heart of yours–and not once have you made us feel that we had to earn back the trust we weren’t responsible for breaking.
“It’s made me realize that I can’t keep comparing Briggs’ situation to the way my mother would come in and out of my life at her own convenience.
It’s not fair of me to make him shoulder the burden of someone else’s faults.
That’s not to say his behavior is excusable in any way, but I can differentiate between the two now,” Dayton explains, my eyes growing damp from how profoundly his perception has been altered and the reverent way he speaks about me.
It’s so opposite of how I see myself, because he makes it seem like it was an easy feat for me to curb my instinct to keep the world at arm’s length.
In reality, I feel like I’ve fought for every hard-earned inch of ground I’ve gained, fueled by sheer stubbornness and my determination not to let Veritas win.
If I cowered away from living my life to the fullest, that’d mean they succeeded in breaking me, and I refuse to let them be victorious in the end.
Turning to face him, I cup Dayton’s cheek and say, “I hope you know that your mother is the one missing out on something great by not knowing the incredible man you’ve become. I’m endlessly grateful to your grandfather for raising you to be so kind and gentle.”
“Gentle, huh?” In the blink of an eye, he’s straddling my hips, my wrists gathered in his hand as he pins them above my head.
“Is that what you want, Butterfly? “Cause I could’ve sworn you liked it rough?” He punctuates the word by grinding his cock against my sex.
My eyes practically roll to the back of my head from how good it feels.
Before my body can win the fight against my brain, I press my palm to the center of his chest.
“We can’t,” I pout, loath to admit it when the last thing I want is to pump the brakes. “This is Raiden’s bed, and that feels…disrespectful.”
“Fair enough,” Dayton concedes, kissing the tip of my nose before gathering me close once again.
“With today being Thanksgiving, there’s something I want to share with you while we have a moment of privacy.
” My full focus is centered on him, eager to hear what he has to say.
“Before we eat, Rita has this tradition where she has everyone recount something they’re thankful for over the past year, and though I have little doubt that the guys won’t include you, Hudson, and this sweet little baby in their answers, I wanted you to hear mine separately.
“I’m so fucking thankful for you, Butterfly.
You’re more than I could’ve ever hoped for, and whatever it takes to keep you, I’ll do it.
As long as a piece of your heart is reserved just for me, I can handle sharing it.
I love you, Andilyn Adams. Today, tomorrow, and for the rest of my fucking life,” Dayton professes, his lips brushing mine with every word he gives voice to.
My heart is overflowing with emotion, but I commit this moment to memory, recalling a time not that long ago when I thought the best I could hope for was a quick and painless death.
I never dreamt I’d have a life this full, too afraid to even hope for something more than merely existing outside of Veritas' control.