Epilogue
Andilyn
Sixteen Months Later
Taking in the barren wasteland of what used to be the Veritas stronghold, I struggle to see the dirt and rubble it’s become.
Instead, the sight before me is superimposed by memories best forgotten–though I’m not deluded enough to believe that’s an actual possibility.
I’ll carry the pain of what happened here for the rest of my life.
According to my therapist, there will likely come a day when I can go months at a time without thinking of the evil that pervaded the very ground I’m standing on, but I will always bear evidence of their savagery.
It’s in everything I do–the cynical way I view the world sometimes, the innocence that was robbed from me at far too young an age, the anxiety I have every time my children leave the house without me.
It comes and goes in waves, and some days are worse than others.
But it’s always there, just beneath the surface–this impending sense of doom.
My particular boogeyman no longer exists, but I still find myself looking over my shoulder, expecting the worst to happen when I least expect it.
Being able to bask in the good moments was a foreign concept, and it’s something I still struggle with today.
For years, I walked on eggshells, waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Rewiring your brain takes time when you’ve been indoctrinated to think and behave a certain way for so long.
It’s disconcerting, though, to be the focus of your own frustration.
I want to be better. I should be better.
And yet, there are days I can’t bear to leave the house because of the overwhelming fear I have that some evil entity is lying in wait, eager to claim me once again, or worse–my children.
The feel of fingers brushing against mine drags me back to the present.
I slide my hand into Raiden’s, gripping it tightly.
“This feels like a full-circle moment,” I voice quietly.
His touch alone is doing wonders for the dark cloud of self-doubt that had begun to overtake my thoughts.
“It feels like a lifetime ago that we were standing in this very spot. Chaos was erupting all around us, but everything disappeared the moment you wrapped me in your arms. It was the first time I’d felt genuinely safe in my entire life.
” I tilt my head, finally glancing at Raiden.
His dark brown eyes peer back at me, and my heart skips a beat when he blinks, a single tear escaping and trailing down his cheek.
“I would do anything for you, minha luz.” The promise in his voice is undeniable.
“Keeping you safe is the very least of what you deserve. It’s a given.
A part of my goddamn DNA at this point. If I could slay the demons that haunt your mind, I would.
” My chin quivers as I attempt to smile in appreciation.
The state of my mental health isn’t the guys’ responsibility, but saying as much wouldn’t do me any good.
Not knowing what to say, and feeling a tad burdensome, I give my focus back to the razed patch of earth I used to be confined to.
For the past week, Royce DuPont Construction has had the privilege of dismantling the place that has a starring role in my nightmares.
It took months of petitioning the county, and even longer for demolition permits to make their way through the proper channels, but after a multitude of bodies were recovered from the property, it posed a health risk.
Earlier this morning, the last of the concrete walls was brought down.
Once most of the debris was cleared away, I took a deep, cleansing breath.
Royce himself did the honors, and the moment it was officially demolished, he climbed off his excavator and held me tightly in his arms.
Now, I stand amongst the rubble of what I used to consider the embodiment of fear and pain.
The dirt beneath my feet holds no power.
The powdered remains of concrete are no longer statuesque and imprisoning.
There’s no viable threat for as far as the eye can see, but my body remembers the torture it was exposed to–the pain it experienced at the hands of sadistic fanatics.
The hairs along my arms are standing at attention, my nervous system acutely aware of the danger that once infiltrated every square inch of this place.
An ache begins to form in the wrist that Tobias favored twisting when I didn’t move quickly enough for his liking.
My shoulder throbs in remembrance of the time I was tossed into The Pit like a bag of discarded trash, taking the brunt of my body weight and causing the joint to pop out of place.
Lightning zips up my spine from when Ada repeatedly slammed me against the unforgiving bark of an oak tree, simply because I didn’t pick the proper flowers for the occasion.
Not wanting darker and more traumatic memories to take root, I squeeze my eyes shut, banishing the images before they can fully form.
“I don’t want to rush you, minha luz,” Raiden starts, bringing our joined hands to his mouth and pressing his lips to our intertwined fingers.
“But we need to leave soon if we’re going to make it to the courthouse on time.
” I nod, keenly aware that I’ve spent far too long wandering down memory lane, but I’m determined to leave the past in the past.
The moment I walk away from this place for the last time, I refuse to give it any more power over me.
I’m not naive enough to believe it’ll be that simple, but I’ll never come back here.
I’m laying my demons to rest, so whatever clarity I’m hoping to glean from revisiting my prison one last time, it happens now or never at all.
But a sound behind me catches my attention, and when I glance back, I suck in a shocked breath, my eyes instantly filling with tears.
Standing shoulder-to-shoulder, Briggs, Col, and Dayton make an imposing sight.
I turn so I’m fully facing them, forcing Raiden along as well.
Placing what was once the Veritas compound physically behind me, I have a startling realization that everything I need is right here, looking back at me with unwavering love and devotion.
They’re my human equivalent of medicine.
For every ailment I’ve contracted at the hands of Tobias, they’ve been the cure.
The distrust. The hopelessness. The envious spirit I’ve allowed to take root from never having a full and meaningful life.
They make everything more bearable, and my mountains no longer seem impossible to climb.
I exhale roughly, at peace with leaving the worst of my lingering anger and hatred to rest among the crumbling remains of the place that can no longer hurt me.
There are no answers to be found in the upturned soil, no sudden explanation as to the whys of it all.
As difficult as it’ll be, I have to learn to change my what-ifs to even-ifs, because no matter what I did or didn’t do, the outcome would’ve been the same.
It was never my choice, and certainly not my burden to bear, though it felt that way when our escape was completely reliant on every carefully executed move I made.
With that thought in mind, I take a step forward.
Then another. Until I’m all but running to the men who’ve never shied away from loving me, even when I’ve retreated inside of myself and made it difficult for them to reach me.
I crash into Briggs, the scent of him filling my lungs and having an instant calming effect.
“You came,” I choke out, burrowing against his chest as someone else embraces me from behind.
“Of course we did, Butterfly,” Dayton voices, pressing his lips to the side of my neck.
“We waited for Royce to get back so he could help Rita with the kids, but we had every intention of being here, Sunshine,” Col adds, dropping a kiss to my forehead.
“One more hard part, Angel. That’s it,” Briggs whispers, stroking his fingers through my hair. I dip my chin, my eyes closing as I release the breath that’s been deeply lodged in my lungs for the better part of an hour.
My parents took a plea deal, so we didn’t have to resort to a long and drawn-out trial process.
They each received twenty years–an extremely generous offer, if you ask me.
We were never able to prove whether they were given anything monetary in exchange for handing over their only child, then leaving without a backward glance.
They’re exactly where they should be, though, and for people who’ve lived their entire lives constantly bouncing from one place to the next, I’m certain that being constrained to such a small space with so little mobility is making their skin crawl.
But today, it’s Veritas’ turn to finally face the music.
I’ve been dreading this day, but with the guys by my side, coming face-to-face with the people who terrorize my sleep seems far more doable than it did a few moments ago.
With my heart infinitely lighter, the five of us pile inside Briggs’ SUV and head to the courthouse.
“The court will now hear from Andilyn Adams,” the judge presiding over today’s sentencing announces. “You may begin when you’re ready.”
I take a steadying breath, my two-toned eyes connecting with each of the guys’.
I pull my strength from them alone, refusing to look in the direction of Ada Stillwater and the other members of Veritas.
Seated on the row behind them are Mia and Bel, the former giving me a tentative smile of encouragement.
Steeling my spine, I focus my attention on the victim impact statement I’ve spent the last three weeks preparing.