Chapter 19 #2
"Traci, we all know no one cares about someone's feelings when they make a lot of money. Besides, complaining has never been something I do, unless we're complaining about men. I do that frequently and have no plans of stopping."
"Speaking of men," Traci says, her brows wiggling suggestively.
My cheeks heat. They did that when I was Empress, too, and the amount of makeup I'm wearing at least helps to make me not look as tomato-y.
"I know we're not talking about your man tonight, but there's been a lot of chatter online from someone who swears up and down he shared your bed."
I snort and play it off as if I find it amusing.
Traci has already cleared this topic of conversation with Mauve, so I'm not unprepared for it, but it's still not something I'm eager to discuss.
Zill is standing not even twenty feet away and is about to listen to me talk about a one-night stand.
It's not what I'd consider an ideal situation.
"I'm sure there are all kinds of people saying all kinds of things about me," I say with a shake of my head.
"Are you asking if I slept with anyone while I was Empress?
" I pause, barely containing my feigned amusement.
"I think based on what I sang about it should've been pretty clear to everyone I wasn't some blushing virgin bride. "
"I think we're all just so curious if the rumors are true."
"Well, you have to be a little more specific than that," I urge her to go on, even though we both know what she's about to say. Some stupid idiot I met on a hookup app needed to get his five minutes of fame.
"I cast no judgment, you know I like it when things are a little freaky."
"Don't we all," I interject, earning another laugh from the woman.
"So, is there any truth in you pegging this man?" Traci finishes her question.
The surprised little laugh that sounds more like me blowing a raspberry isn't even fake.
There were a few things we'd prepared for her to ask me about.
Bondage, gags, threesomes, plenty of other rumors that I was ready to leave up to the imagination of the audience, since Empress would, without a doubt, do all of those things.
Whether or not Reese actually did them has no bearing on anything.
Still, hearing her ask about pegging? That wasn't anywhere close to what we prepared for, and my reaction is genuine.
"He's out there telling people I pegged him?" I asked, gasping for breath between words and laughs. "I didn't know which of them it was because I try not to keep up with the rumor mill, but it was Brock, wasn't it?"
"I will neither confirm nor deny that," Traci says as she nods her head vigorously, sending me into another fit of giggling. "I'm guessing I can go ahead and confirm that was in fact something that happened."
I hold up my hand as I get the rest of my giggles out of the way, "If that's what he's saying." I shrug, sputtering a bit as I try to hold in my laughter. "Sorry, I wasn't prepared for that."
"You weren't the only one," Trcai says, and I know she's not talking about herself, but I'm not about to look over at Zill to see how he's taking the conversation about past partners.
He's the only one in my life now, the only one I want for the rest of my life.
Still, if he was talking about past hookups, which he'll never do since I'm the only one he'll ever be with, I'd be pretty jealous as well.
But looking over at him now will just be a way for Traci to try to bring him into the conversation, and I don't want that.
Does he look upset? I ask in my head.
I know there's no way for Kolos to answer me, but I have to ask.
He's the one I know is listening to my thoughts with absolutely no reservations about how it might be perceived as rude.
Isha can probably hear me too, but she likes to pretend she can't, and I won't make that more difficult for her by asking her in my head.
Is Zill upset that the woman he loves, the one who sings about sucking and fucking, has slept with other people before she knew him? Fuck no. He's enjoying the show as much as you are.
Kolos's voice surprises me so much, I stiffen, eyes going wide.
I didn't know that was possible. Now I'm trying very hard not to whip my head around the room until I figure out where he is, so I can make sure it's actually him in my mind and not me weirdly imagining him in my head telling me what I want to hear.
Sombrans as strong as us can do a lot more than project our thoughts, Reese. Gods, has Zill not taught you anything about us? Next, you're going to–
His voice cuts off, and there's the sound of something happening off on the other side of the studio.
It all happens in the span of a few seconds.
Traci has been discussing the leak, speculating on how it happened and who might be responsible.
By the time I get myself back under control, my expression is more serious since the topic has shifted.
"I know you played it off earlier as though the doxxing wasn't something people care about, but you have fans who care about you deeply," Traci says. "Is there anything you want to say to them about how all of this went down, things you wish would've been different, regrets you have?"
I shake my head at first, brows tugging together.
"I don't regret my time as Empress at all.
She's a huge part of me. Yes, she's a character, someone who's played up for fun and for laughs and to be free in her sexuality, but that doesn't mean she isn't me as well.
I hate that my identity was released in the way it was.
I wish I could've kept a part of myself all for me.
That wasn't in the cards, though, and being upset about it now doesn't change anything. "
I pause, swallowing hard. This next part is something Mauve and I debated leaving out of the conversation, but ultimately, I don't want anyone to think I'm weak or that I won't stand up for myself.
A decade ago, I may have taken these hits and shown my belly, but I'm not that girl anymore, and Mauve made sure I got tougher.
"When we find out who released my information, because we will, I do plan on pressing charges," I say, looking to the camera for the first time in the interview.
"What was done to me was a crime under Intergalactic Alliance laws.
Minor crimes, but crimes nonetheless. I'm vindictive enough to want blood, but I'll settle for an embarrassing parade in front of the cameras when the leeches are found. "
"Well said," Traci comments when I finish my speech and turn back to face her.
"We can get back to the fun stuff now if you want," I tell her, flashing her a dazzling smile that feels like just a little too many teeth.
And we do go back to the fun stuff. She asks me about the end of my last tour, what I actually do when I'm not acting as Empress, and various other things that fans will want to know to feel closer to me.
It's easy, and if I'm being honest, I enjoy it.
It isn't until we creep to the end of the interview that I start feeling melancholy for a life I haven't even stopped living yet.
"And I was told you have an important announcement to make tonight," Traci says, giving me the go-ahead to announce my retirement.
"I do," I say, facing the camera again. "I actually planned on announcing this last month, but well, we all know what took precedence there.
For the last decade, I've been able to dress up, sing, and dance to my heart's content.
I've been silly and sexy and enjoyed every single second of my life as Empress.
As much as I love her, as much as all of you love her, I'm ready to step away from the spotlight.
Empress will live on in the videos and the memories, but she's retiring, I'm retiring.
I'll always be so grateful for the life you all helped me achieve.
I will cherish my memories until my last breath.
There's still so much I want to do in life, though, and it's time for me to go out there and do them. "
Traci takes a deep breath, dabbing at her eyes with a tissue I didn't even know she had handy. There's not a single drop of moisture anywhere near her eyes, but she has the look down pat, and I'm more impressed than anything when she pulls it off.
"That was beautiful," Traci says, reaching across and grabbing my hands.
"I know we'll all be sad to see Empress go, but you've provided us with years of entertainment.
Not to mention going out with a bang. Wherever you go, whatever you end up doing, just know Empress will always have a place in our hearts. "
"And some of your bedrooms," I turn my head just enough to send an air kiss to the camera.
Traci's faux look of empathy cracks a little as she tries to hide her smile. She decides the audience will like it more if she laughs along with me, so she lets out a surprised chuckle before it grows into a full laugh, her hand swatting at me playfully.
"That's it for Empress, tonight and any other night," Traci says, shaking her head as she continues to laugh.
She keeps hold of my hand with her other as she finishes out her outro.
"I'll see you all in just a moment to continue our talk about most likely suspects in the doxxing of Empress.
Who knows, maybe we'll be the ones to help her bring the criminals to justice. "
We stay smiling, acting like we're bantering with one another as we wait for the cameras to finish their recording.
It isn't until a buzzer sounds that Traci straightens back out, her composure returning to her.
She's still playful. The interview went well after all, but she's no longer in the mood to sit around and chit-chat.
She has more filming to do today, and since the interview with me is done, she'll be done with me as well.