Chapter 26
26
RHYS
I practically run the whole way from my house to where Maddie is. Alarm fires through my nerves the whole time. Something’s obviously wrong judging by the text she sent me, and I’m not going to be able to calm down until I see she’s okay.
My heart stutters when she comes into view. When I see that she seems okay, my throat loosens enough for me to take a steady breath for the first time since I got her message.
But when I approach her closer, something does seem off, and my guard is up again. Her hands are nervously clutched together in front of her. Her shoulders are tight, and there’s a jittery edginess in her eyes.
“What happened?” I ask. “Are you okay?”
She nods, her expression still clouded. “I’m fine. It’s just …”
“What?” I ask as she trails off.
She takes a deep, steadying breath. “I kissed a guy.”
My jaw clenches. Protectiveness throttles through me, raising every hair on my body.
“What did he do to you?” My question is a tight growl.
Maddie sends me an urgent text on a Friday night, looks worried and tense, and the first thing she tells me for an explanation is some guy kissed her?
Did he force himself on her? Touch her in a way she didn’t want? Murderous thoughts fire through my brain at the possibilities.
She shakes her head. “No, it’s nothing like that. He didn’t do anything.” She pauses. “It was … my first kiss.”
My brows draw together. Maddie’s never been kissed until now?
I mean, I know she’s never had a boyfriend I was aware of. Last week was the first time I’ve even heard about her going on a date. I guess I could have put two and two together. But still, Maddie’s so beautiful, so smart, so talented, so fucking incredible, I guess the idea that she hadn’t been kissed yet just didn’t fit in my head.
“And?” I ask.
“It was bad.”
My shoulders sink in relief. That’s it? Maddie’s not in trouble, she didn’t get hurt, no one did anything to her—she just had a bad first kiss?
“So?” I ask, the side of my mouth twitching. I can’t help but find it a little funny now that my guard is down.
But then Maddie sniffles, and that protectiveness surges through me stronger than ever. Instantly I feel like an asshole for dismissing her feelings with a smirk. A bad first kiss can be disappointing, I get it, and I shouldn’t dismiss how it makes her feel.
I mean, I know most of the kisses in my life have been disappointing, because I was never kissing the lips I really wanted to. I guess I’ve just accepted disappointing kisses as a fact of life. But Maddie deserves so much more.
I step forward, wrapping her into a supportive hug. Fuck, she feels so good in my arms that it hurts. She presses her forehead into my chest, and I catch a breath full of the scent of her hair, winding the yearning in my chest tight.
“I’m tired of missing out on what everyone else is experiencing,” Maddie confesses, head still against my chest. “Tired of having no experience with guys, knowing that I’m going to be clueless about what to do when it finally happens.”
Two emotions swirl together: sympathy for what she’s telling me, and white-hot jealousy over the idea of Maddie getting experience with other guys.
I know how selfish that last feeling is. She’s a twenty-year-old girl in her sophomore year of college. She deserves to live her life.
“I’m ready, but,” Maddie says, her eyes finding mine, “I don’t want an even bigger first to be as disappointing as my first kiss was.”
“I’m sure it won’t be,” I say, trying to sound consoling even though that selfish jealousy inside me is ratcheting up.
“So am I—if it’s with you.”
It feels like a sledgehammer just slammed into my chest. A shock of unreality races through me. It’s like an earthquake just cracked the foundations of reality.
Did Maddie just say what I think she said?
The bright blue pools of her eyes hold my gaze with dazzling force.
“I want it to feel good, to feel right,” she says, and my chest pulses at every syllable from her lips. “I don’t want to regret it. If it’s with you, I won’t.”
I try to think through what she’s saying to me, to analyze it logically, sensibly. But I can’t. The neurons in my brain are firing too hard and fast for me to latch onto any train of thought.
She’s asking me to be her first time. Something I can’t do. She’s one of my best friends. She’s Lane’s little sister. It could ruin everything.
But the way she’s looking at me …
The idea of Maddie losing her virginity to another guy has jealousy stabbing into my chest like a hot blade—but the thought of her being disappointed with it, the thought of her actually regretting an experience that should be comfortable, meaningful, good … that thought twists my heart.
I’d sure as hell make sure that her first time is everything it should be.
I’m no saint, either. I wouldn’t just be agreeing for her sake. I’d be agreeing because it’s what I want more than anything else in this whole fucking world. The thought of stripping Maddie bare, touching her all over with my hands, with my lips, then sinking inside her …
Raw desire detonates behind my chest. My arms curl tighter around her, pressing her close. The feeling of her curves against me only makes my fantasy more vivid. My groin tightens, my cock twitching with pure lust.
Giving Maddie what she’s asking for would be no act of charity, that’s for damn sure.
But maybe that’s exactly why I should say no.
It’s a fucking tug-of-war in my head and in my heart, and I don’t know which side is right. All I know is which side I want to win.
Maddie reaches up and rests her hand on my cheek. Her soft, warm fingers against the stubbled-coated outline of my jaw feel so good I could die.
“Show me,” she says, her breath a charged whisper. “Show me I’m not wrong. Show me that my first kiss would have felt the way it was supposed to feel if it was with you.”
That’s it. The side of my desire wins the tug-of-war hands down, sending my better judgment careening out of sight.
This could be the biggest mistake of my life, but I don’t care.
I pull Maddie close to me, capture her chin in my right hand to tilt her head back, and lower my lips to hers. A thrill shoots through me as I close my eyes and melt into the kiss I’ve been dreaming of my whole damn life.